Verbally cold

[Bin_hatlan]

Is being verbally cold an enough reason to break up with someone?!

I have this gf who is super great, she is caring, loving, and just too nice, but she is super cold in the other hand, she doesn't express her feelings, (no babe, or honey, and love you comes way too hard), and always takes things way too easy, when I surprise her with a gift or anything all what she says is sharp (thank you), with same tone that you say it to a stranger who helped you with something, or wonder why I did so (one time I bought her a really expensive gift first thing she said WHY did you buy it, then she said the sharp thank you again). No matter how many times I talked about it, she forces herself for couple days then eventually we go back to the starting point.

 

Honestly I can't feel her love in day to day life, but when something outside the routine kicks out ( me getting sick, or such a thing), then she is totally another person. She is an ideal example of the true friend who you find at hard times, but I don't want a true friend I want a gf

 

To make it short, I don't feel I am as happy as I expect myself to be

But in the other hand I don't know what I am supposed to do!

I know the famous saying "don't waste your time with someone who doesn't make you happy" , but when it comes to reality, I feel it's hard to break up with someone who is just too great because of personality issue she had no hand in controlling it, she was raised this way, but I can't tolerate it anymore

 

Please guide me

Edited April 7, 2015 by Bin_hatlan

[StalwartMind]

People grieve differently and likewise we all show excitement in completely opposite end of the scale type of ways. Maybe something to think about but I have no problem how people thank me, regardless of their personal status to me. Many people have this idea that the louder or more visually you act, then naturally it means the more to person. This is untrue as you'll find people that are very timid, shy, introverted or whatever that simply do not express much "vivid joy" at the reception of anything. There's also nothing wrong with wanting or needing someone who is very visual or vocal, each to their own but it's something to consider when you judge another person.

 

I give things to others and help others because I want to, I don't expect anything in return. There's no doubt that some would never do things I do for others unless they got something in return, but as such we are all different as well. I understand why someone could feel as you do but at the same time, you can't and shouldn't force reactions or behavior out of others, or it'll just end up feeling unnatural. People break up for all kinds of reason, there isn't any good or bad reason, there are just reasons and they mean a million different things to each of us.

[loveboid]

My guidance is that you need someone who celebrates the good times with you. Your personal successes, your job achievements, your dreams.

 

Someone who can only be there for you when you're down...could be a dangerous type of person who only feels safe to be intimate with you when you're vulnerable. They won't like it when you succeed because that's threatening to them.

 

My advice is to keep moving on, and quick! No use wasting time.

[Lion Heart]

 

1. Is being verbally cold an enough reason to break up with someone?

 

2. but I don't want a true friend I want a gf

 

3. To make it short, I don't feel I am as happy as I expect myself to be

 

4. but I can't tolerate it anymore

 

5. Please guide me

 

OP my responses below:

1. Yes! Gosh ofcourse man! If you're not matched at least personality wise then these are the few things left after age fades our looks and youth is a thing of the past.

 

2. Wouldn't you WANT both?

 

3. Ask yourself if your expectations are way too crazy, wild, passionate like romance novels or they're pretty basic. Only you know "how happy" you can be in a day to day relationship.

 

4. As bf / gf if you can't tolerate it any more then you really shouldn't go any further. Not marriage nor children nor a mortgage nor work / study related stressors will be easily weathered if you're not tolerating a "simple" version of relationships. No disrespect intended.

 

5. Hope that helped.

 

Bin plenty of sh** can be thrown one's way in life.

 

If ANYONE I respected could have guided me when I was younger with this ONE point "You don't HAVE to marry the first guy who asks you" then I may have had the courage to enforce "let's wait and see" the first time.

 

I married H no.1 under severe familial pressure. Both of us did.

I've since said the lets wait phrase at least 6x. Thank goodness I exercised restraint! I've been married 3x!

 

Be selective.

Be a little bit picky.

 

Don't be with someone who motivates you to come to a forum to ask advice as bf / gf. "So many girl, so little time! "

 

Enjoy your young life AS MUCH AS YOU CAN! And more importantly do wait till you find a much better match. There are SO MANY women who ARE warm and show their appreciation and gratitude in the ways you'd love. Don't settle. Be happy.

 

Lion Heart.