HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 A bomb has exploded in my life!! In retaliation for breaking up with her 2nd time, that b**** had called my home yesterday. My father picked up the call and she said to that we broke up because I used to visit prostitutes! (A total lie) It took me everything to convince my parents that it was a total lie that I only visited the prostitutes after we broke up. And we broke up because she had cheated on me while in another city. Nevertheless I was close to getting thrashed by my father at the age of 26. My mother was crying all the time! It was awful! On top of this, her mother called and again threw some mud on me and my family's character in light of this information. That was it. I couldn't take the insult of my father anymore. I made the call to her parents and said that their daughter isn't washed in milk either. She cheated on me with XXXX, thats why we broke up. I can't trust a cheater. Obviously they don't believe that and threatened legal action (thats the least of my worries). I said they don't have to believe me but its true. And I will tell everyone who knew about us the truth. I don't have to convince anyone. People will believe it just like they will believe that I went to prostitutes... I am under 24*7 watch in the home. My mother is still crying. Some of my friends has already got the info as the b**** apparently told her friends to and one of them is the GF of my friend. But I put a comic spun to the whole story and they just laughed. So on the friend front I am ok.... But I can't bear the fact that my father had to listen to insults from outsiders because of my idiocy. Stupid stupid me! There's no one to blame but me for this whole fiasco.... Link to post Share on other sites
DbleBetrayal Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 I'm sorry it has escalated to this. But, I don't understand what you mean by her mother threatening 'legal action'? What for? Anyway, at least you know for sure she is not only a cheater but a master manipulator. As for being under 24/7 watch in your own home by your parents... why don't you move out? You're 26. Making big mistakes in your 20's is pretty common place. I'm sure your parents will get over it. I'm sorry your ex turned out to be not only a cheater but also added the extra drama on top of it. Though, it could have been a whole lot worse. You could have got married or had kids with her, all the while not knowing her true colours until it was too late. You're life could have been a whole lot worse. Chin up. This will all die down eventually, until then, don't feed into the drama by contacting her- about anything. Go completely silent, be dead to her now. That's the best reaction. Don't play into her games. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Look, there is one way to handle this. STOP IT. Do not talk to your ex any more. Do not talk to her parents. Tell your parents the true story and tell them not to talk to your ex or her parents any more either. If she calls, hang up. If she texts or emails, delete without reading. If she comes round, don't open the door. It's easy. It seems that if both families simply stop talking to each other then all your issues will go away. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 @Doublebetrayal..... Under Indian law, if it is proven that a man had sexual intercourse with a woman under the promise of marriage and then refused to marry that woman, it can amount to statutory rape Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 @Doublebetrayal..... Under Indian law, if it is proven that a man had sexual intercourse with a woman under the promise of marriage and then refused to marry that woman, it can amount to statutory rape OK, so you ARE in trouble? Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Remind me again of how seriously rape is taken, in India...? Seems to me it would be your word against hers, and frankly, I don't hold out much hope for her, as things currently stand. In India. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 That was only a threat. And if they do lodge a case on such grounds, I have photos, messages and letters for this last 6 years to prove that it was fully consensual and the break up was a natural demise of the relationship. The case would be dead. Other than that there's the matter of reputation. Lodging a case on such grounds will hurt her reputation more than mine. She still has to marry in the future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 You just caught a crazy-bitch bullet square in the chest. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 @Doublebetrayal....as long as I am in my hometown, there's no chance of me leaving the home. But I was searching for a new job in another city. I will not stop that. I will move out as soon as I get it. But it remains to be seen how my parents react to such arrangement in the light of the information on my character. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 @Doublebetrayal....as long as I am in my hometown, there's no chance of me leaving the home. But I was searching for a new job in another city. I will not stop that. I will move out as soon as I get it. But it remains to be seen how my parents react to such arrangement in the light of the information on my character. Are they mostly upset about the prostitutes or the failure of your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Prostitutes. They used to think I was a very pious boy. My father doesn't even smoke and drink. But I have visited prostitutes. Even my sister is playing the role of my guardian. She just said to me "Bhaiya, if you were so sad why didn't you tell me? I could have introduced to my friend who has a very big crush on you." (God bless my sister) Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Look, there is one way to handle this. STOP IT. Do not talk to your ex any more. Do not talk to her parents. Tell your parents the true story and tell them not to talk to your ex or her parents any more either. If she calls, hang up. If she texts or emails, delete without reading. If she comes round, don't open the door. It's easy. It seems that if both families simply stop talking to each other then all your issues will go away. You are right. When I told her we cannot remain together anymore, she got super angry. She told me that it was my plan all along to have sex with her again and then dump her. Not true. I was breaking up because I cannot trust her anymore. I cannot endure the mental turmoil of living in different cities. She wouldn't listen. She stuck to her thinking. And when I stopped responding to her calls and texts, she apparently felt jilted and did this out of spite. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 First of all your 26 years old not 16. Your an adult. If she told everybody you went to a hooker then let your ex girlfriend know that maybe if she was better in bed you wouldn't have to go see hookers and leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Prostitutes. They used to think I was a very pious boy. My father doesn't even smoke and drink. But I have visited prostitutes. OK, I hope they can forgive you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 First of all your 26 years old not 16. Your an adult. If she told everybody you went to a hooker then let your ex girlfriend know that maybe if she was better in bed you wouldn't have to go see hookers and leave it at that. Whats the point of doing this now? Hurting her more? I think I have done that enough with the information that I went to prostitutes after first breakup. In any case, every1 knows now (though not the full extent). My friends know too and they are not shunning me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 OK, I hope they can forgive you. Me too. I think they will. Afterall I am their son. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 To be honest, it seems the entire cat is out of the proverbial bag. There are no players in the dark here, not inlaws, outlaws, brothers sisters friends and friends of friends. The enormous difference in culture, for one, and the enormous gap between genders that exists between India and the majority of people on LS makes me wonder really what anyone here could say that could make sense to you. Your predicament, your cultural norms and values are so at odds with so many people, I would hope your closer friends, who now know, have better guidance for you as they probably intimately understand all the nuances of these issues. I hope you find some peace in this drama soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Not one of your posts convinced me that your ex was the sane type. Just get this person out of your life, she's like a tumor, not a friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Remind me again of how seriously rape is taken, in India...? Seems to me it would be your word against hers, and frankly, I don't hold out much hope for her, as things currently stand. In India. I understand after some high profile rape cases, you'd think all Indian males are oppressors of women. But thats a gross generalizations. Rape is taken very serious issue in India too and we (govt and populace) are doing very hard to eradicate this social evil. But I wonder why do you think its my word again her and she would lose? Let me be clear, our relationship was entirely mutual and consensual. The law her mother was threatening to use is a very archaic one. In recent times, some women has tried to misuse thus law to punish their exBF. But those case were declared void and without ground. Natural demise of a relationship is now considered in courts in cases such as this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Not one of your posts convinced me that your ex was the sane type. Just get this person out of your life, she's like a tumor, not a friend. Me too. I thought she would not stoop so low. But apparently I am wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Well, what did you expect? I told you in your now locked thread that telling her what you were doing while you weren't together was none of her business. But, you went and told her anyway. But, you also tried to convince me that seeking counseling in India has a stigma to it. So, your answer was to visit brothels and treat the women in there like garbage. Now, she told your parents and your mom can't stop crying. Maybe it's just me, but I think that your mom could have probably handled hearing that you were visiting a counselor to get a handle on your pain rather than her "little boy" visiting a whore house. So, what did we learn..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lostweekend Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 That was only a threat. And if they do lodge a case on such grounds, I have photos, messages and letters for this last 6 years to prove that it was fully consensual and the break up was a natural demise of the relationship. The case would be dead. Other than that there's the matter of reputation. Lodging a case on such grounds will hurt her reputation more than mine. She still has to marry in the future. What does your law say about the woman in the relationship cheating? If I understand your post correctly she cheated thereby causing the demise of your relationship? What you did and do not do after the breakup is none of their business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 What does your law say about the woman in the relationship cheating? If I understand your post correctly she cheated thereby causing the demise of your relationship? What you did and do not do after the breakup is none of their business. As far as I know, unless married, there no provision in Indian Penal Code that deals with women's infidelity. But she is threatening me on grounds of a law which only targets men that has sex with women under false pretenses of marriage (totally archaic). The problem is we restarted the relationship again in Feb, 2015 but broke up again in Apr 4, 2015. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Well, what did you expect? I told you in your now locked thread that telling her what you were doing while you weren't together was none of her business. But, you went and told her anyway. But, you also tried to convince me that seeking counseling in India has a stigma to it. So, your answer was to visit brothels and treat the women in there like garbage. Now, she told your parents and your mom can't stop crying. Maybe it's just me, but I think that your mom could have probably handled hearing that you were visiting a counselor to get a handle on your pain rather than her "little boy" visiting a whore house. So, what did we learn..... I totally admit my folly.... Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Some of this stuff, you have no control over. Like... - what your ex says - the past - whether your ex or her parents file charges - what your parents do or think (other than telling them your side) Some of this, you DO have control over. - what you say - who you call - who you talk to You can greatly reduce the drama in this situation by taking control of your part. Do NOT call her and stir things up. Do NOT call her parents and tell them bad things about her. Do NOT sit and listen to someone bad-mouthing you or telling lies about you. Do NOT get defensive and feel the need to prove you are right, when it is a "he-said, she-said" situation and there is no way to prove anything. I would sit down with your parents and have a very calm and rational heart-to-heart with them. Explain that you had good intentions in this situation and that you are still the son they know. That if they have any questions, they can ask and you will answer honestly. And then do it. Don't make it a big emotional drama. If your mom cries, you can tell her that it hurts you to see her cry, and you can hug her and tell her you love her without taking her tears personally. This will pass. Odds are, nobody will file charges against you. Your ex doesn't want her behavior called out in a public court (however that works there.) Odds are, this will just go away and be done. Work on staying calm and rational. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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