pteromom Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Well, what did you expect? I told you in your now locked thread that telling her what you were doing while you weren't together was none of her business. But, you went and told her anyway. True - Hurt, you need to learn how to be quiet. The more information you give someone, the more power you give them over you. And anything you do with intent to hurt someone else usually comes back to bite you in your bottom. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 (edited) @Pteromom.....My father is so angry at me right now that he isn't talking to me. Today I was going for work and my father was reading the newspaper. I said "I am sorry pappa". He looked up and didn't say anything. My mother immediately started crying. I came out of the house silently. And yes, I have learnt my lesson very much. I will never again tell anyone about this episode of my life, not even my future wife. Edited April 8, 2015 by HurtOfGlass Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 @Pteromom.....My father is so angry at me right now that he isn't talking to me. Today I was going for work and my father was reading the newspaper. I said "I am sorry pappa". He looked up and didn't say anything. My mother immediately started crying. I came out of the house silently. Maybe you can pull your mother aside and have a private conversation? In the traditional families I have known, this is how it works. The mom deals with the emotional stuff, and has private conversations with the father, so the father can retain the illusion of being strong and stoic and in charge. I hope your parents get over this. I imagine their judgment and embarrassment of you hurts very badly. Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 dude, you're 26! i get that you have great respect for your parents, but at your age they shouldn't judge your actions given what you've gone through. as to the matter of your ex, why even bother??? furthermore, your friends should also understand that ***** went KRAAZY for a bit and you acted out in questionable ways. if they can't understand the situation you were/are dealing with, then they aren't friends you need in your life- simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 I have already tried talking to my mom privately. But I will try again to let her know how sorry I am. @ArtieLang....you won't understand how is it in my family. But as far as my friends, I am ashamed to say, they are fine with me. I explained the whole brothel going episode as a physical need, just like going to bathroom in the morning. I told them just because I was broken up doesnt mean I will stop having sex. They just laughed. So I am fine there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 And yes, I am deeply hurt by the fact the because of my stupidity my father and mother had to listen to insults. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 dude, you're 26! i get that you have great respect for your parents, but at your age they shouldn't judge your actions given what you've gone through. This is not only moral disappointment, this I think is religious disappointment too, on the part of the parents as regards the prostitute visits. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 jeez i hope those hookers were worth it! were you divorced when these hookers happened? or was it when you were still married? it makes a pretty big difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 jeez i hope those hookers were worth it! were you divorced when these hookers happened? or was it when you were still married? it makes a pretty big difference. I don't think they were married. I think they were engaged and she cheated on him. He ended it with her and started to visit brothels. She tried to come back but he told her what he did and here we are! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 jeez i hope those hookers were worth it! were you divorced when these hookers happened? or was it when you were still married? it makes a pretty big difference. OP found his LDR fiancée was cheating, went into melt down, decided to take out his anger and grief by visiting prostitutes, 22 times. Decided then to take fiancée back and forgive her, but told her about those visits and she accepted it, but now he has split from her again and fiancée and her parents are obviously not happy. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 And yes, I have learnt my lesson very much. I will never again tell anyone about this episode of my life, not even my future wife. Nonsense. Your parents are upset that you actually went to prostitutes, not that they know about it. Let's not add "liar" to your list of problems. And with due respect to the posters that would have you keep your mouth shut about this in the future, I disagree. Like any human, you've made mistakes. And most of us have made a few bad ones. The key is in how you react to those mistakes. You've made a lot of positive changes since you came here. You stopped with the prostitutes. You got into counseling. You honorably gave your fiance a second chance. And then you wisely took some time and realized you couldn't stay in the relationship. I happen to agree that it was going to be nearly impossible for her to rebuild trust at such a great distance from you while she worked with the OM. All smart and good decisions. Don't take a step backwards by being a liar, even by omission. Don't curse your future wife to a lifetime with a dishonest husband. Own your mistakes. And be proud of how you've grown from them. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Nonsense. Your parents are upset that you actually went to prostitutes, not that they know about it. Let's not add "liar" to your list of problems. And with due respect to the posters that would have you keep your mouth shut about this in the future, I disagree. Like any human, you've made mistakes. And most of us have made a few bad ones. The key is in how you react to those mistakes. You've made a lot of positive changes since you came here. You stopped with the prostitutes. You got into counseling. You honorably gave your fiance a second chance. And then you wisely took some time and realized you couldn't stay in the relationship. I happen to agree that it was going to be nearly impossible for her to rebuild trust at such a great distance from you while she worked with the OM. All smart and good decisions. Don't take a step backwards by being a liar, even by omission. Don't curse your future wife to a lifetime with a dishonest husband. Own your mistakes. And be proud of how you've grown from them. This is coming from someone who I consider to be one of the most with it and honorable people on LS. THIS is character-enforcing advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 This is coming from someone who I consider to be one of the most with it and honorable people on LS. THIS is character-enforcing advice. The compliment is appreciated. You should know that if I have any wisdom, it's only because I made every mistake in the book. Like to OP, I had horrible reactions to Dday. I truly lost myself. Fortunately, I agree with one of the previous posters that suggested that this will come to a close now that the truth is out, so to speak. There's little drama left to unfold. The OP just needs to find himself again. Personally, I had to make decisions of which I could be proud and I had to keep doing them consistently. And eventually, my self-pride returned. I won't let those previous events define who I am because they are overshadowed by who I really am, which has been backed up by consistent actions over time. I cannot erase my mistakes and I'm still not proud of them. But I won't hide or run from them. I'm determined to outweigh them. I think the OP's greatest difficulty will be with his parents but if he does as I have suggested, I think their pride in him will return as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I think you should stop with the apologies for the time being. I'm sure to your parents they just come off as empty words that don't make up for your actions. Plus as someone who has been on the receiving end of repeated apologies from someone close to me, it can become extremely annoying. Show your contrition through your behavior, not words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 My fAther & mother has decided to visit my therapist, supposedly to get an update about me. Hope they receive a good feedback. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 My fAther & mother has decided to visit my therapist, supposedly to get an update about me. Hope they receive a good feedback. Typically your therapist is a place of privacy. I hope this is only being done with your approval. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) Yes, I didn't object. My father wanted to know what was discussed. I gave the idea that why don't he visit, as a confidence building gesture. Afterall there is nothing incrimating for them to know about. So why not? Edited April 10, 2015 by HurtOfGlass 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Yes, I didn't object. My father wanted to know what was discussed. I gave the idea that why don't he visit, as a confidence building gesture. Afterall there is nothing incrimating for them to know about. So why not? Perfect. Well done, sir. A man with nothing to hide, hides nothing. I hope your therapist is a good one that can reassure them of your continued recovery from a traumatic event. Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Oh come on they are way too old fashion,especially the father(and this is coming from a girl from a muslim family lol). At 26 they should know you have sexual needs..its not their business Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Ok i read more,how old is she? to call the parents is child behaviour Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 On the contrary my father is very liberal compared to Indian standards. He obviously knew that I had sexual relationship with my ex. Thats was never a problem. But visiting prostitutes? Even in my depravity I knew it was not a right thing to do. For eg. If u find out that ur brother visits prostitutes, wud u b ok with it? Thats what they r angry at me about. My ex is also 26. Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 (edited) On the contrary my father is very liberal compared to Indian standards. He obviously knew that I had sexual relationship with my ex. Thats was never a problem. But visiting prostitutes? Even in my depravity I knew it was not a right thing to do. For eg. If u find out that ur brother visits prostitutes, wud u b ok with it? Thats what they r angry at me about. My ex is also 26. Ok i understand,, if i found out my bro has been doing it i would find it sad,and would feel worried,dad would probably get mad but i think he would not say much to him just feel disapointed in his heart.you always have "easy girls" ,,no need for a real "whore" From her families view...you have destroyed her,she is 26 that is not a "young" age for a girl.She now has to start all over again(plus she is no virgin).But is it now 100% over,you both have no feelings left? Edited April 11, 2015 by adna89 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtOfGlass Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 I'm not sure how I destroyed her because it was her cheating that killed my trust in her. But I am sure I will not ever restart any form of relationship with her. I can endure anything but not the insult of my parents. And this time she also thinks the same. Bcoz she has not called me either in this last 3 days. Link to post Share on other sites
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