I'm a Christian and My Girlfriend is Catholic

[Moxon8021]

I am in need of some advice. I am a Christian and have been my entire life and my girlfriend is a catholic and she has been her whole life. She says that for me to marry her I would have to become a catholic. I lovey church and don't see myself becoming a catholic. I am fine with her being catholic cause ultimately as long as she loves and believes in God I'm happy. That's all I want from her is to know that she believes in a heaven and a savior. She has told me she believes that you should follow the bible loosely and that it is a story and not all of it is completely true. I disagree with her completely on this I believe that the bible is the word of God and everything in it is meant to be in it for a reason. I love her more then anything and have thought about leaving my church and we could find a church we both can like. She said we could find a different church but it has to be a catholic church. The reason I would leave my church is because I know God will be with me where ever I go. I asked her why her catholic religion is so important to her and she said its because she was confirmed. I don't understand that. I feel like she doesn't understand her own religion which is why I don't want to leave my religion. I don't have a problem with whatever religion you are as long as your a believer in Christ. I feel like her mom has a lot of influence on her, she is still living at home and goes to church with her parents. I just feel like what her church teaches her is not what she follows but more of what her mother tells her is what she believes. She says that me not becoming a catholic is a deal breaker for her. What do I do? I can only see myself with her and don't know why she is so stubborn about being confirmed when she doesn't really know what she believes. I told her I would not stop fighting for her or loving her until she wants no part of me. I love God more then her but I can't lose her.

[d0nnivain]

Many of my Christian friends move from Church to Church the way you do. They go to services where they feel the best fit. Some have a circuit & go different places on different weeks.

 

 

Catholicism doesn't work like that. For many devout Catholics like your GF they believe that you can't receive the sacrament of matrimony unless both parties are Catholic & the ceremony is performed inside of a Mass. Even if she can't explain her beliefs like a theologian, she still holds them.

 

 

This may not be something you can overcome.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm sorry but being Catholic IS being a Christian. What faith to YOU subscribe to that makes you think you need to separate the two?

 

Chris·tian: a person who has received Christian baptism or is a believer in Jesus Christ and his teachings.

 

Catholics receive baptism and believe in Jesus Christ and his teachings.

 

I was born and raised Catholic and I can't say that I completely understand her logic. I would also agree with you that she doesn't seem to know her faith very well yet uses it as an ultimatum. That is very bizarre.

 

With regards to her comment, "...the bible is meant to be followed loosely and that it is a story and not all of it is completely true" is also ludicrous. This is NOT what Catholicism teaches and just highlights her own ignorance.

 

You're absolutely justified in your concerns about abandoning your faith for hers. How can you follow someone's faith if they don't even know what they're following?

 

Regardless, how old are the two you by the way? How long have you been dating?

 

This seems like a pretty big issue and one that I'm not sure came up sooner rather than later. When couples have very strong belief systems where it becomes a deal breaker, it's rare that they would even date outside of it let alone end up in love and at a crossroads. This surely must have been expected from one of you going into the relationship, wasn't it?

 

If not, then that might have been your first mistake.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Many of my Christian friends move from Church to Church the way you do. They go to services where they feel the best fit. Some have a circuit & go different places on different weeks.

 

 

Catholicism doesn't work like that. For many devout Catholics like your GF they believe that you can't receive the sacrament of matrimony unless both parties are Catholic & the ceremony is performed inside of a Mass. Even if she can't explain her beliefs like a theologian, she still holds them.

 

 

This may not be something you can overcome.

 

Although this was indeed the way it was many years ago, it isn't the case any longer.

 

Non-Catholics can and do get married in Catholic churches all the time these days provided that one of them is baptized Catholic.

 

Usually if a couple opts for a wedding in a Catholic church they will have to endure the traditional Catholic mass including communion which is about one hour. There are no short cuts in a Catholic church.

 

Guests who are Catholic are allowed to receive communion while all others can either receive a blessing or sit out during this part of the ceremony.

 

My brother married a non-Catholic in our family church.

[BlueIris]

Please respect that Catholicism is a form of Christianity. For centuries there have been many different Christian faiths, all real forms of “Christian.”

 

She says that your not becoming a catholic is a deal breaker for her, so you need to move on.

 

She, like you, has every right to think and feel what she wants to.

 

And don’t harangue her with how you’re right or she’s wrong or why her faith doesn’t matter as much or doesn’t make sense to you, because frankly, anybody’s faith could be picked apart by someone. Respect her faith and tradition. It’s not yours to judge.

[CarrieT]

Heck, you both believe in Jesus...

 

My Lutheran husband (who converted to Christianity from being raised Jewish) fell in love and married me - and I'm an occultist who discounts Christianity.

[Moxon8021]

I am 20 and she is 19 we don't plan on getting married for a couple more years and we have been dating for about 2 years. I don't have any problem with Catholics I just have a problem with her not knowing about what she believes and believes in things true catholic teachings do not believe in.

[Moxon8021]

she is 19 and I'm 20 we have been dating for 2 years. I just have a problem with her not knowing what it means to believe in Catholicism. She picks and choose what she wants to believe. I don't have any problem with Catholics as long as they are following true Catholicism teachings.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I am 20 and she is 19 we don't plan on getting married for a couple more years and we have been dating for about 2 years. I don't have any problem with Catholics I just have a problem with her not knowing about what she believes and believes in things true catholic teachings do not believe in.

 

Well YOU might not have a problem with Catholics but she seems to have a problem with you not wanting to be Catholic. According to your post, this is a deal breaker for her.

 

That's pretty significant if you ask me.

[d0nnivain]

I just have a problem with her not knowing about what she believes and believes in things true catholic teachings do not believe in.

 

 

What does she believe that truth Catholics don't believe? Nobody I ever heard in 14 years of Catholic school ever said the Bible should be taken literally. It is the Word of God but it's told through parables. It's not a blueprint or a verbatim recording.

[Satu]

I am 20 and she is 19 we don't plan on getting married for a couple more years and we have been dating for about 2 years. I don't have any problem with Catholics I just have a problem with her not knowing about what she believes and believes in things true catholic teachings do not believe in.

 

People choose their own beliefs. You can believe what you want, and she can believe whatever she wants.

 

It's called freedom.

[Satu]

Heck, you both believe in Jesus...

 

My Lutheran husband (who converted to Christianity from being raised Jewish) fell in love and married me - and I'm an occultist who discounts Christianity.

 

IO Pan IO Pan Pan Pan.

[BC1980]

I am 20 and she is 19 we don't plan on getting married for a couple more years and we have been dating for about 2 years. I don't have any problem with Catholics I just have a problem with her not knowing about what she believes and believes in things true catholic teachings do not believe in.

 

You have to decide if this is a problem you can overcome. She is who she is, and you either accept it or not. Catholicism has a very different type of familial/cultural element than Protestantism. There are many Catholics who identify culturally as Catholic but have no deep religious beliefs. Different strokes for different folks. I predict that you two will have a hard go of it because your religions is very important to you. I don't think you can overcome this problem in the long term.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Many of my Christian friends move from Church to Church the way you do. They go to services where they feel the best fit. Some have a circuit & go different places on different weeks.

 

 

Catholicism doesn't work like that. For many devout Catholics like your GF they believe that you can't receive the sacrament of matrimony unless both parties are Catholic & the ceremony is performed inside of a Mass. Even if she can't explain her beliefs like a theologian, she still holds them.

 

 

This may not be something you can overcome.

 

I was raised Catholic, but a lot of my family, even me have gone their seperate ways from the Catholic church...marrying non-Catholics, stopped going to their home church, exploring other churches, etc....esp. singles. Some reject the idea of not using Birth Control and figured "Okay, I'll go to the "So and so Church of God" where the "pill" is allowed."

 

Also, where I live, Catholics have already married up and are also kind of the minority in the southern states as Bible thumpers tend to find them to be the pariah if they were to ever get involved romantically with a Catholic. lol

 

I do have a hard time how people seem to keep the two separate as Catholics have been around a lot longer than some of the protestant churches.

 

Well YOU might not have a problem with Catholics but she seems to have a problem with you not wanting to be Catholic. According to your post, this is a deal breaker for her.

 

That's pretty significant if you ask me.

 

Funny, several years ago, when I was active in my Catholic Young Adults group, there was a woman that was an active member of her church and even took up a position there. She met a non-Catholic ( I think Methodist, deputy/law eforcement officer)

 

She was given the same "ruling" from the Catholic church, so she quit her church and married in his as she was only interested in taking the path of LEAST resistance as HIS church had no such strict rulings....I'm wondering why the person in the OP's post can't do the same? Find the path of least resistance?

Edited April 14, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[Robert Z]

I asked her why her catholic religion is so important to her and she said its because she was confirmed. I don't understand that. .

 

 

The Catholics take children, tell them they are adults capable of making their own decisions, and then have them promise to remain a Catholic the rest of their life. In essence they are formally accepting their baptism into the church.

 

So it is part of the brainwashing that takes place before people are old enough to think for themselves.

[Gaeta]

I can only see myself with her and don't know why she is so stubborn about being confirmed when she doesn't really know what she believes. I told her I would not stop fighting for her or loving her until she wants no part of me. I love God more then her but I can't lose her.

 

The key part here is that she is ok with losing you.

 

She is young and has not formed her own thinking yet. I was born and raised Catholic and I was thought all other religions other than Catholic were bad. It's when I matured and became my own person that I abandoned that belief.

 

She can still get married in a Catholic Church in a white dress with you even if you don't become a Catholic, the priest will perform a civil wedding and will leave out the blessing. Your children can be baptized Catholic even if you are not.

[serial muse]

I am in need of some advice. I am a Christian and have been my entire life and my girlfriend is a catholic and she has been her whole life. She says that for me to marry her I would have to become a catholic. I lovey church and don't see myself becoming a catholic. I am fine with her being catholic cause ultimately as long as she loves and believes in God I'm happy. That's all I want from her is to know that she believes in a heaven and a savior. She has told me she believes that you should follow the bible loosely and that it is a story and not all of it is completely true. I disagree with her completely on this I believe that the bible is the word of God and everything in it is meant to be in it for a reason. I love her more then anything and have thought about leaving my church and we could find a church we both can like. She said we could find a different church but it has to be a catholic church. The reason I would leave my church is because I know God will be with me where ever I go. I asked her why her catholic religion is so important to her and she said its because she was confirmed. I don't understand that. I feel like she doesn't understand her own religion which is why I don't want to leave my religion. I don't have a problem with whatever religion you are as long as your a believer in Christ. I feel like her mom has a lot of influence on her, she is still living at home and goes to church with her parents. I just feel like what her church teaches her is not what she follows but more of what her mother tells her is what she believes. She says that me not becoming a catholic is a deal breaker for her. What do I do? I can only see myself with her and don't know why she is so stubborn about being confirmed when she doesn't really know what she believes. I told her I would not stop fighting for her or loving her until she wants no part of me. I love God more then her but I can't lose her.

 

Hm. To me, she sounds quite young and I suspect that you are right; she doesn't understand her religion very well. I am speaking here as a (now-lapsed) Catholic who was confirmed. Her statement that her religion is important to her because she was confirmed makes no sense: One is "confirmed" when one chooses to remain a Catholic, not the other way around. Confirmation happens at an age when children are considered as transitioning into adulthood - puberty - and are supposedly old enough to make the conscious choice to be Catholic that they were too young to make when they had the earlier sacraments of baptism/first communion. It's a kind of analog to a bar/bat mitzvah. Whether or not one is really ready to make such a choice at that age is another issue.

 

Anyway, I suspect that much of the issue here is that she is still quite young and hasn't sorted out for herself what she believes yet - and living with her parents, who are apparently quite devout Catholics, naturally she's going to stay with their viewpoint, at least for now. It's all she knows.

 

Perhaps someday, as she matures, she'll have more of a spiritual awakening and be better able to articulate what she does and doesn't believe, and whether she wants to remain Catholic and why. But the thing is, she might still choose to remain Catholic, and devout. It might remain a dealbreaker for her, even once she's thought it through more. You just don't know that right now.

 

So I think this is not a problem that you two can surmount at this point. You're quite right not to want to convert or even attend another church that doesn't hold meaning for you, when you aren't even certain of what she really believes. But that likely does mean that this relationship is at an impasse.

 

I know you say you don't want to lose her. But this isn't something you can force each other to change on.