Why didn't my wife save me? Why did she let me slip to the other woman?

[JoshCube]

My wife and I were together for 7 years, and I just filed a divorce recently. What had happened is that I fell in love with another woman, and her ego was damaged, so she slept with another man to boost her ego, which shut my ego down. After finding out she slept with the guy, I got pissed off, and filed.

 

What I am just wondering is why she didn't stop the girl from taking me, and why she just let me go. In our relationship, I told her many times that if another woman tried to take me that she should save me before its too late. She successfully did this in the past several times, but this time, I noticed she didn't pull me back. We had the yo-yo effect going on for years where she would pull me back if she saw me slipping, but this time, she just let the string snap. My best guess of why she did this was because she gave up on me, and then saw that I deeply fell in love with the girl (walking on cloud 9). She saw herself as not being attractive, so she had sex behind my back, the ultimate revenge tactic for a woman knowing in her subconscious mind that her husband is not attracted to her anymore. What made it worse is that she slept with me without getting tested at first as well.

 

There are several reasons why I have zero guilt about my current situation.

 

- The Torah (Old Testament) does not recognize an emotional affair as adultery. Adultery is only defined as sexual contact, and sexual lust within the eyes, heart, and mind. Because she was the one that had sex, she is at fault here. I did not have sex with the woman, and wasn't even sexually lusting at her. Therefore, I am not an adulterer.

 

- The Torah (Old Testament) says I can have as many wives as I want. Because I am a male, only females can be considered adulterous if they have sexual acts with another man while I'm married to her. I am allowed to be in a polygamous or monogamous relationship at any time.

 

- The U.S. courts (not including "no-fault" states) do not recognize an emotional affair as adultery. The person who committed the sexual adulterous act is the one that typically pays alimony.

 

- Because I did not have sex with the woman I was having an emotional affair with, the U.S. courts would not consider me adulterous for this reason.

 

- I have zero guilt in having emotional affairs with women. If I am not committing adultery in Torah AND by the U.S. Courts, why should I feel guilt? My wife didn't stop me from falling to the other woman. She let me slip, and this is her consequence. She loses me.

[amaysngrace]

Yeah she's probably all torn up about losing you too.

[JoshCube]

EDIT: I am allowed to be in a polygamous or monogamous relationship at any time as long as the women are my wives. In other words, I can't just go out and sleep with a prostitute, and then say she's my wife. She has to legitimately be my wife in order for it not to be adultery. So as long as the woman I'm sleeping with is my wife, it is not adultery.

[Jessie1231]

It wasn't your wife's job to save you. It was your job as a husband to act like a husband.

 

Your wife lived with you and your mom for years, and I can only guess that your mother has an attitude similar to yours. That in itself had to be a daunting task. Throw on top of that a husband actively seeking other women to fulfill some Princess Zelda fantasy, and I can understand why a wife might give up.

[BlackbirdSong]

Is this guy for real? Hahahaha. You are a very weak, little man. I applaud your wife, for you never really loved her. Your spouse is not responsible for stopping your urges. You have no self-discipline or respect for her. Very sad.

[JoshCube]

It wasn't your wife's job to save you. It was your job as a husband to act like a husband.

 

Your wife lived with you and your mom for years, and I can only guess that your mother has an attitude similar to yours. That in itself had to be a daunting task. Throw on top of that a husband actively seeking other women to fulfill some Princess Zelda fantasy, and I can understand why a wife might give up.

 

I believe if she loved me, she would have saved me. Being the man of the house, I assigned her this duty. She failed, and now, I am crying that she's gone. I can't take her back, because her body has been defiled by another man. Once another man marks his territory, its kind of like your wife turning into a vampire. Her sex drive completely changed, she dresses slutty, acts whorish, and is untrustworthy. Its pretty much the point of no return. I might as well say she died, and got buried at the local cemetery.

[JoshCube]

Is this guy for real? Hahahaha. You are a very weak, little man. I applaud your wife, for you never really loved her. Your spouse is not responsible for stopping your urges. You have no self-discipline or respect for her. Very sad.

 

I didn't even sleep with the woman, I was strong enough to pull back. She went behind my back and actually slept with a guy. That is way way worse, and is just asking for a divorce.

[Hope Shimmers]

What I am just wondering is why she didn't stop the girl from taking me, and why she just let me go.

 

You have got to be kidding.

 

You are blaming your wife for not stopping you from falling in love with another woman?

 

Thankfully she left you so she can find a relationship with a man who lives in this century. Unbelievable. Now I have seen it all.

[Jessie1231]

I believe if she loved me, she would have saved me. Being the man of the house, I assigned her this duty. She failed, and now, I am crying that she's gone. I can't take her back, because her body has been defiled by another man. Once another man marks his territory, its kind of like your wife turning into a vampire. Her sex drive completely changed, she dresses slutty, acts whorish, and is untrustworthy. Its pretty much the point of no return. I might as well say she died, and got buried at the local cemetery.

 

You assigned her this duty? Why didn't you say that to start with? That changes everything! Now it is very clear that she did indeed fail you!

 

I'm being sarcastic. I have to say that because I seriously doubt you will pick up on it.

[JoshCube]

You have got to be kidding.

 

You are blaming your wife for not stopping you from falling in love with another woman?

 

Thankfully she left you so she can find a relationship with a man who lives in this century. Unbelievable. Now I have seen it all.

 

Because I cannot control my emotions. I find myself falling in love with women a lot for some odd reason. I know that's frowned upon, but that's just me......

 

I don't know why it happens a lot, it just does.......

[JoshCube]

You assigned her this duty? Why didn't you say that to start with? That changes everything! Now it is very clear that she did indeed fail you!

 

I'm being sarcastic. I have to say that because I seriously doubt you will pick up on it.

 

......OK.....what does that have to do with this situation, though?

[fireflywy]

There are several reasons why I have zero guilt about my current situation.

 

- I have zero guilt in having emotional affairs with women. If I am not committing adultery in Torah AND by the U.S. Courts, why should I feel guilt? My wife didn't stop me from falling to the other woman. She let me slip, and this is her consequence. She loses me.

 

Well, all I can say is, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

 

I don't like the idea of affairs at all and have zero tolerance but if you really want to know why your wife didn't save you and stepped out on you, perhaps you should start with yourself and how you view marriage.

 

With that said, this is the craziest post I've ever seen here.

[JoshCube]

Well, all I can say is, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

 

I don't like the idea of affairs at all and have zero tolerance but if you really want to know why your wife didn't save you and stepped out on you, perhaps you should start with yourself and how you view marriage.

 

With that said, this is the craziest post I've ever seen here.

 

I'm being serious. If I'm not committing an adulterous act by breaking a code within the oldest religious book we have, and within the world's most powerful court system, why should I have an ounce of guilt?

 

Women need to understand that men are extremely weak behind other women. Our minds are like bottle rockets, and we can go very easily. She wasn't strong enough as my wife to communicate to me.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I'm being serious. If I'm not committing an adulterous act by breaking a code within the oldest religious book we have, and within the world's most powerful court system, why should I have an ounce of guilt?

 

Women need to understand that men are extremely weak behind other women. Our minds are like bottle rockets, and we can go very easily. She wasn't strong enough as my wife to communicate to me.

 

No, some men are extremely weak. Meanwhile others are fully capabe of resisting the temptations of other women and/or preventing themselves from getting into situations where temptation is likely.

[almond]

Lol. OP, you are a straight up nutcase buddy.

 

Your wife didn't "save" you because you weren't worth the effort. You're simply not good enough, and she finally realised that.

 

I pity any woman that gets involved with you in the future.

[fireflywy]

I'm being serious. If I'm not committing an adulterous act by breaking a code within the oldest religious book we have, and within the world's most powerful court system, why should I have an ounce of guilt?

 

Women need to understand that men are extremely weak behind other women. Our minds are like bottle rockets, and we can go very easily. She wasn't strong enough as my wife to communicate to me.

 

Lol. Maybe she isn't as religious as you and if not, and if following your logic, if she's relying on the court system, then she's fine eh?

 

So, therefore, using your own logic, everything she did would be kosher.

 

There. You're cured!

 

P.S. I sense a massive, pulling on legs going on here.

[JoshCube]

No, some men are extremely weak.

 

Literally laughed at this.

[LoveMyCat]

Are you for real?

 

Anyway, to me, an emotional affair and "falling madly in love" with another woman, IS cheating, in my opinion. In some ways, it worse than a meaningless physical act of sex. Either would send me away. I am separated, but not due to infidelity, but would have been done with him at the first sign of either type of affair. To be, being faithful means body and heart/soul.

 

I don't blame her for not wanting you, even if I disagree with her actions too.

[Million.to.1]

JoshCube. - Maybe you should head over to the "Spiritual and religious beliefs" section of the board where you may get some other old testament believers to tell you what you want to hear.

 

Doubt you'll receive any here.

 

 

 

Literally laughed at this.

 

Also... you need to learn how to properly use the word 'Literally'.

[JoshCube]

Are you for real?

 

Anyway, to me, an emotional affair and "falling madly in love" with another woman, IS cheating, in my opinion. In some ways, it worse than a meaningless physical act of sex. Either would send me away. I am separated, but not due to infidelity, but would have been done with him at the first sign of either type of affair. To be, being faithful means body and heart/soul.

 

I don't blame her for not wanting you, even if I disagree with her actions too.

 

Emotional affairs can automatically happen unconsciously. Women need to get this through their minds.

[almond]

Would you have "saved" her from another guy, even after she had had multiple emotional affairs with other men already, and clearly displayed that this behaviour would continue? Or is it only okay for men to do this sort of thing?

[Rejected Rosebud]

You said before you were divorcing your wife because she has a split personality disorder and was channeling the Nazis. What has changed??

[ArtIsMyThing]

Yeah after reading your post - i'd have to say i would desperately have fought to pull you back - NOT

 

Go take some personal responsibility for who you are

[Trimmer]

I believe if she loved me, she would have saved me.

Then following that logic to it's conclusion, she must have loved you before, because she "saved you" in the past, but she doesn't love you any more because she didn't "save you" this time. You said it yourself:

 

My best guess of why she did this was because she gave up on me...

Now, I wonder why that might be:

- I have zero guilt in having emotional affairs with women.

 

I cannot control my emotions.

 

I find myself falling in love with women a lot for some odd reason. I know that's frowned upon, but that's just me......

 

I don't know why it happens a lot, it just does.......

 

...why should I have an ounce of guilt?

 

She wasn't strong enough as my wife to communicate to me.

 

I don't see where the mystery is here. To sum it up, I think she got tired of your crap, and tired of it being her responsibility to keep you in line. And to add insult to injury, you don't even get why this would be a problem for her, falling back on technical arguments, parsing the fine points of biblical passages and US marriage laws to put yourself in the clear.

 

She just got tired of your crap. No need to make it any more complicated, detailed, or technical than that.

 

She let me slip, and this is her consequence. She loses me.

You make that sound like a bad thing. Have you considered that after all this time, she might look at this as a positive step in her life? It's like finally getting a wart removed - people don't think of that as a "consequence" or mourn it as a "loss."

 

...now, I am crying that she's gone.

Yeeeahhh.... Kinda sounds like this is your consequence, doesn't it?

[2.50 a gallon]

I am curious.

Did you have ham for Easter?

Also any shellfish, (shrimp / lobster) are an abomination.

Or do you just pick and chose which laws you are going to obey?