Why didn't my wife save me? Why did she let me slip to the other woman?

[Diezel]

You posted this last night.

On the same morning, you asked the forums if it was "fate" that you two divorced.

 

Make up your mind on who you are going to blame other than yourself.

 

Because obviously, you aren't taking responsibility for your part in this.

[No Limit]

Didn't even bother reading the post, the title was enough.

 

Are you kidding me?

 

Your wife is not your mother. You WANTED to be with another woman, so you went for her. What was your wife supposed to do, knock you out and lock you into a cellar for the rest of your life? I know your ego is hurt because your wife is probably moving on with another guy already but don't say you were helpless in your own actions and blameshift everything on her.

 

I really hope this is just a blameshift-effect from your emotional affair - because if this is your normal approach to relationships, no matter what woman you're with, you won't be able to hold up a relationship for long.

[elaine567]

If this guy is right then what on earth are all those women on here moaning about? They should have saved their men from "slipping".

There is no need for MM and OWs to ever have relationships, it is all down to the wife to save the world from cheating men, BEFORE they cheat.

 

We have been looking at this all wrong, those weak men just cannot help themselves and it is down to the sisterhood to make sure ALL men are on the right path and save them...

[sandylee1]

Have you ever heard of self control?

 

How many times does your wife have to save you from another woman?

 

You married her and should be committed to her.

 

This archaic primitive view that a man can do what he wants is ludicrous. You are living in the dark ages and I find it most annoying, as I'm sure your wife did

 

Move through with the divorce and if you can't commit to one woman, without falling into the arms of another, then don't get married again.

 

Your refusal to take responsibility for your own actions is just another sign of your self centred manner.

[stillafool]

Well I'm happy for your wife that she finally got out of this awful marriage. I can't imagine being blamed everytime my husband cheated. OP why are you sad? Now you are free to go out and have as many emotional or physical relationships as you like with no one to stop you. Enjoy because I'm sure your ex wife is enjoying her new life.

[LifeNomad]

josh idk what the others replied but when you look for reasons to justify and not feel guilty about what you did, its usually because you know you messed up.

 

 

anyways man your wife let you go because she probably felt hurt and betrayed by possibly the one or one of the few persons she felt she could trust her life with.

[BlueIris]

Well I'm happy for your wife that she finally got out of this awful marriage. I can't imagine being blamed everytime my husband cheated. OP why are you sad? Now you are free to go out and have as many emotional or physical relationships as you like with no one to stop you. Enjoy because I'm sure your ex wife is enjoying her new life.

 

I was thinking that too. You should be glad that you divorced her because you weren't satisfied with her and she was wouldn't do what you wanted her to do. You'd better be honest with dates at the beginning so that they know that you expect them to do this for you. Not many (if any) will agree to it, but that's the only way to avoid the problem of cheating and blaming them after the fact.

[aliveagain]

I believe if she loved me, she would have saved me. Being the man of the house, I assigned her this duty. She failed, and now, I am crying that she's gone. I can't take her back, because her body has been defiled by another man. Once another man marks his territory, its kind of like your wife turning into a vampire. Her sex drive completely changed, she dresses slutty, acts whorish, and is untrustworthy. Its pretty much the point of no return. I might as well say she died, and got buried at the local cemetery.

 

There is no excuse good enough to excuse adultery or give any spouse the right to behave in that manner. None. Reading your post about your wife saving you because you assigned her that duty gets me wondering , what era are you living in? Your wife's duty is to be a wife and equal partner in your marriage to each other. It is your duty to protect your wife when she is not around to do it herself. You shouldn't be talking to other women in a way that puts your relationship at risk. Falling in love with another woman puts your relationship with your wife at risk. Don't quote religion for an out because if you look at religion two of the deadliest sins, the only Commandments mentioned twice by God himself has to do with adultery. Once for doing it and once for thinking about it.

 

Do you know how stupid this post makes you look? Her duty, really? Maybe she got tired of saving you if you keep doing the same damage over and over again.

[Rainbowlove]

My wife and I were together for 7 years, and I just filed a divorce recently. What had happened is that I fell in love with another woman, and her ego was damaged, so she slept with another man to boost her ego, which shut my ego down. After finding out she slept with the guy, I got pissed off, and filed.

 

What I am just wondering is why she didn't stop the girl from taking me, and why she just let me go. In our relationship, I told her many times that if another woman tried to take me that she should save me before its too late. She successfully did this in the past several times, but this time, I noticed she didn't pull me back. We had the yo-yo effect going on for years where she would pull me back if she saw me slipping, but this time, she just let the string snap. My best guess of why she did this was because she gave up on me, and then saw that I deeply fell in love with the girl (walking on cloud 9). She saw herself as not being attractive, so she had sex behind my back, the ultimate revenge tactic for a woman knowing in her subconscious mind that her husband is not attracted to her anymore. What made it worse is that she slept with me without getting tested at first as well.

 

There are several reasons why I have zero guilt about my current situation.

 

- The Torah (Old Testament) does not recognize an emotional affair as adultery. Adultery is only defined as sexual contact, and sexual lust within the eyes, heart, and mind. Because she was the one that had sex, she is at fault here. I did not have sex with the woman, and wasn't even sexually lusting at her. Therefore, I am not an adulterer.

 

- The Torah (Old Testament) says I can have as many wives as I want. Because I am a male, only females can be considered adulterous if they have sexual acts with another man while I'm married to her. I am allowed to be in a polygamous or monogamous relationship at any time.

 

- The U.S. courts (not including "no-fault" states) do not recognize an emotional affair as adultery. The person who committed the sexual adulterous act is the one that typically pays alimony.

 

- Because I did not have sex with the woman I was having an emotional affair with, the U.S. courts would not consider me adulterous for this reason.

 

- I have zero guilt in having emotional affairs with women. If I am not committing adultery in Torah AND by the U.S. Courts, why should I feel guilt? My wife didn't stop me from falling to the other woman. She let me slip, and this is her consequence. She loses me.

 

Quite simply, your wife got tired of your Bull

 

She got tired of being married to a boy.

 

The 7 year itch smartened her up.

 

She let the other man soil her body because she wanted you to see she doesn't need you.

 

She wanted you to feel how it feels to be betrayed. She wanted you to know that you are not her king.

 

Get yourself some help.

Edited April 9, 2015 by Rainbowlove

[Yasuandio]

When you are with other women, you are ultimately ignoring your wife's needs, period. You cannot be a real, true husband, whilst having multiple relationships and alternate lovers per your "old world" citations and beliefs.

 

If you want to live in modern society, you cannot have it both ways. And, for your information, the US Courts DO NOT completely overlook extra-marital affairs (including hers). Your US marriage, if that is what it was, bore a promise to be monogamous, period. No one forced you to unzip you pants by gunpoint, right?

 

So, now you have the results of habitually abandoning your wife affectionately and intimately. Her heart was empty - and her human need for touch overcame her. That is your cross to bear, sadly. And, that is why you are here.

 

Here is the best advice I can give you. You are human. Your wife is also human. When you get that in your head, then maybe, just maybe, she can forgive you.

 

But if I was you, I would STOP any tirade regarding her marital conduct, because a real marriage did not exist between the two of you. You WERE NOT "having and holding her, forsaking all others." Instead, you were having and holding many, many others, expecting her to deal with it, for some time. Therefore, the marriage was over BEFORE she found someone else, to provide her human touch, affection, and intimacy.

 

All people have a desire to be lived, to have affection, touch, intimacy -- it is inbreed in us from childhood to avoid abandonment. You wife found an opportunity to feel wanted. Now it is your turn to be abandoned. This is exactly how your wife has felt with every woman she has had to try to pull you away from. Can you imagine how many times she has felt this way? You are not unique because you are a male - she felt pain all those times, the same way, as you are feeling now.

 

It doesn't matter what selective Religious quote or doctrine you wish to site to justify your conduct -- the bottom line, is, your conduct has caused you to lose your wife, and you stand abandoned, intimately, as she has all these years (that probably means you have lost her). Perhaps this perspective will help in some way. I hope so. Yas

[TunaCat]

Because I cannot control my emotions. I find myself falling in love with women a lot for some odd reason. I know that's frowned upon, but that's just me......

 

I don't know why it happens a lot, it just does.......

 

It happens because you ALLOW it to happen. Yes you CAN control your emotions, you just choose not to.

[JoshCube]

Would you have "saved" her from another guy, even after she had had multiple emotional affairs with other men already, and clearly displayed that this behaviour would continue? Or is it only okay for men to do this sort of thing?

 

Nope, because she committed adultery.

[JoshCube]

Then following that logic to it's conclusion, she must have loved you before, because she "saved you" in the past, but she doesn't love you any more because she didn't "save you" this time. You said it yourself:

 

 

Now, I wonder why that might be:

 

 

I don't see where the mystery is here. To sum it up, I think she got tired of your crap, and tired of it being her responsibility to keep you in line. And to add insult to injury, you don't even get why this would be a problem for her, falling back on technical arguments, parsing the fine points of biblical passages and US marriage laws to put yourself in the clear.

 

She just got tired of your crap. No need to make it any more complicated, detailed, or technical than that.

 

 

You make that sound like a bad thing. Have you considered that after all this time, she might look at this as a positive step in her life? It's like finally getting a wart removed - people don't think of that as a "consequence" or mourn it as a "loss."

 

 

Yeeeahhh.... Kinda sounds like this is your consequence, doesn't it?

 

It is not my fault she did not follow the laws of Torah, and the laws of how the court system works. She committed adultery, and I'm giving her a divorce slip. This whole "emotional affair" stuff is a bunch of Mickey Mouse BS. Men have minds like sailboats behind women, meaning they unconsciously fall in love. I'm not going to sit here and play childish games with you, or anyone else in here. The moment you have any kind of sexual affair, that's all it takes.

[JoshCube]

I am curious.

Did you have ham for Easter?

Also any shellfish, (shrimp / lobster) are an abomination.

Or do you just pick and chose which laws you are going to obey?

 

What does this have to do with the topic?

[JoshCube]

You posted this last night.

On the same morning, you asked the forums if it was "fate" that you two divorced.

 

Make up your mind on who you are going to blame other than yourself.

 

Because obviously, you aren't taking responsibility for your part in this.

 

She had sex with a man, I did not have sex with any woman.

 

I'm done with her, and I'm too good for this.

[JoshCube]

Didn't even bother reading the post, the title was enough.

 

Are you kidding me?

 

Your wife is not your mother. You WANTED to be with another woman, so you went for her. What was your wife supposed to do, knock you out and lock you into a cellar for the rest of your life? I know your ego is hurt because your wife is probably moving on with another guy already but don't say you were helpless in your own actions and blameshift everything on her.

 

I really hope this is just a blameshift-effect from your emotional affair - because if this is your normal approach to relationships, no matter what woman you're with, you won't be able to hold up a relationship for long.

 

Of course I wanted to be with another woman, doesn't every man? Its the wife's job to monitor him, and to repel off other women. Try watching animals some time where a female will closely watch a male, because the male is the beast of the jungle.

 

Her being my wife, all she had to do was communicate to me. A simple "Josh, we need to talk" would have stopped the woman from seducing me. Also, my wife didn't move on with another guy, she slept with her step-father (only male at her house) as a revenge tactic. This was her little game she wanted to play, because her ego went through the roof, instead of defending me like a true wife. Now, she gets a nice little divorce slip since she has dishonored me.

 

There is no blaming here. Men are weak behind women, women are weak behind men. She wasn't strong enough to pull me back, and I am a man that gets weak around women. Lack of communication was the problem.

[JoshCube]

Have you ever heard of self control?

 

How many times does your wife have to save you from another woman?

 

You married her and should be committed to her.

 

This archaic primitive view that a man can do what he wants is ludicrous. You are living in the dark ages and I find it most annoying, as I'm sure your wife did

 

Move through with the divorce and if you can't commit to one woman, without falling into the arms of another, then don't get married again.

 

Your refusal to take responsibility for your own actions is just another sign of your self centred manner.

 

She had sex with a man.

 

I did not have sex with any woman.

 

I rest my case.

[JoshCube]

Well I'm happy for your wife that she finally got out of this awful marriage. I can't imagine being blamed everytime my husband cheated. OP why are you sad? Now you are free to go out and have as many emotional or physical relationships as you like with no one to stop you. Enjoy because I'm sure your ex wife is enjoying her new life.

 

She should have saved me. She was my only hope.....

[JoshCube]

josh idk what the others replied but when you look for reasons to justify and not feel guilty about what you did, its usually because you know you messed up.

 

 

anyways man your wife let you go because she probably felt hurt and betrayed by possibly the one or one of the few persons she felt she could trust her life with.

 

- Torah does not recognize EA as adultery.

 

- Torah recognizes sexual contact as adultery.

 

- U.S. courts do not recognize EA as adultery.

 

- U.S. courts recognize sexual contact as adultery.

 

- She slept with a man.

 

- I did not sleep with any woman.

 

I have no shame, or guilt. My honor stands.

[JoshCube]

How can I reach your wife?

 

I'd like to give her a high five on behalf of all women everywhere for finally coming to her senses!

 

You can't just leave your man because he falls in love with another woman. You should be more concerned about if he wants to actually be with her before making a decision.

 

Try studying psychology, and learn how humans make decisions unconsciously. Also, study how falling in love can trigger without warning.

[JoshCube]

I was thinking that too. You should be glad that you divorced her because you weren't satisfied with her and she was wouldn't do what you wanted her to do. You'd better be honest with dates at the beginning so that they know that you expect them to do this for you. Not many (if any) will agree to it, but that's the only way to avoid the problem of cheating and blaming them after the fact.

 

The fact I did not sleep with the other woman shows I still wanted to be with my wife. I may fall in love easily, but I have the strength to stop myself after it wears off. My wife wasn't strong enough to stand by me.

[JoshCube]

There is no excuse good enough to excuse adultery or give any spouse the right to behave in that manner. None. Reading your post about your wife saving you because you assigned her that duty gets me wondering , what era are you living in? Your wife's duty is to be a wife and equal partner in your marriage to each other. It is your duty to protect your wife when she is not around to do it herself. You shouldn't be talking to other women in a way that puts your relationship at risk. Falling in love with another woman puts your relationship with your wife at risk. Don't quote religion for an out because if you look at religion two of the deadliest sins, the only Commandments mentioned twice by God himself has to do with adultery. Once for doing it and once for thinking about it.

 

Do you know how stupid this post makes you look? Her duty, really? Maybe she got tired of saving you if you keep doing the same damage over and over again.

 

I was talking to her as a friend, and then suddenly, I just had the click. I've taken classes at my school that teaches how people fall in love unconsciously, and its true. When you fall in love, you are not aware when it happens.

 

"Thinking" as you described, refers to lust. I did not have sexual thoughts about the woman, and I only briefly knew her.

[JoshCube]

Quite simply, your wife got tired of your Bull

 

She got tired of being married to a boy.

 

The 7 year itch smartened her up.

 

She let the other man soil her body because she wanted you to see she doesn't need you.

 

She wanted you to feel how it feels to be betrayed. She wanted you to know that you are not her king.

 

Get yourself some help.

 

- A boy doesn't comprehend love.

 

- More like smartened me up. She took advantage of me. I was a virgin, she slept with multiple men before meeting me.

 

- And she is not my queen. I don't need a slut as a queen.

 

- I already got help from my creator above. She needs therapy, and needs to learn how to act like a woman.

[JoshCube]

When you are with other women, you are ultimately ignoring your wife's needs, period. You cannot be a real, true husband, whilst having multiple relationships and alternate lovers per your "old world" citations and beliefs.

 

If you want to live in modern society, you cannot have it both ways. And, for your information, the US Courts DO NOT completely overlook extra-marital affairs (including hers). Your US marriage, if that is what it was, bore a promise to be monogamous, period. No one forced you to unzip you pants by gunpoint, right?

 

So, now you have the results of habitually abandoning your wife affectionately and intimately. Her heart was empty - and her human need for touch overcame her. That is your cross to bear, sadly. And, that is why you are here.

 

Here is the best advice I can give you. You are human. Your wife is also human. When you get that in your head, then maybe, just maybe, she can forgive you.

 

But if I was you, I would STOP any tirade regarding her marital conduct, because a real marriage did not exist between the two of you. You WERE NOT "having and holding her, forsaking all others." Instead, you were having and holding many, many others, expecting her to deal with it, for some time. Therefore, the marriage was over BEFORE she found someone else, to provide her human touch, affection, and intimacy.

 

All people have a desire to be lived, to have affection, touch, intimacy -- it is inbreed in us from childhood to avoid abandonment. You wife found an opportunity to feel wanted. Now it is your turn to be abandoned. This is exactly how your wife has felt with every woman she has had to try to pull you away from. Can you imagine how many times she has felt this way? You are not unique because you are a male - she felt pain all those times, the same way, as you are feeling now.

 

It doesn't matter what selective Religious quote or doctrine you wish to site to justify your conduct -- the bottom line, is, your conduct has caused you to lose your wife, and you stand abandoned, intimately, as she has all these years (that probably means you have lost her). Perhaps this perspective will help in some way. I hope so. Yas

 

"When you are with other women, you are ultimately ignoring your wife's needs, period."

 

Oh, really? I should live on a deserted island away from communicating with society. God forbid I fall in love with the girl at the liquor store! My romance life is doomed now!!

 

"And, for your information, the US Courts DO NOT completely overlook extra-marital affairs (including hers)."

 

Source? I have yet to see a state that does. How can a person control their subconscious mind?

 

"No one forced you to unzip you pants by gunpoint, right?"

 

I did not have sex with the woman.

 

"So, now you have the results of habitually abandoning your wife affectionately and intimately. Her heart was empty - and her human need for touch overcame her. That is your cross to bear, sadly. And, that is why you are here."

 

I did not abandon her, she abandoned me. No wife in her mind throws her hands up in the air and goes "oh well" when she suspects another woman is trying to seduce him. Take up psychology, and study seducing, hypnosis, unconsciousness, relationship plateau, etc.

 

"Here is the best advice I can give you. You are human. Your wife is also human. When you get that in your head, then maybe, just maybe, she can forgive you"

 

I did not push my wife on a plane to Florida for her to have sex with her step-father. She did it, because she wanted to.

 

"But if I was you, I would STOP any tirade regarding her marital conduct, because a real marriage did not exist between the two of you."

 

No kidding. When a woman constantly bitches and moans to her family about how her man "isn't doing this, and isn't doing that", a man won't tolerate that ****. I was working, going to school, paying bills, supporting her, and the list goes on.

 

This is what happens when you treat a woman too good. Its no wonder why you women like men that beat the **** out of you, and then get you pregnant with 4 kids. You love it, and that's your instinct. You women don't like nice men, because human beings expect the worst. You wouldn't understand happiness if it knocked your ass on the ground.

 

"All people have a desire to be lived, to have affection, touch, intimacy -- it is inbreed in us from childhood to avoid abandonment. You wife found an opportunity to feel wanted. Now it is your turn to be abandoned. This is exactly how your wife has felt with every woman she has had to try to pull you away from. Can you imagine how many times she has felt this way? You are not unique because you are a male - she felt pain all those times, the same way, as you are feeling now."

 

I did not leave her for the other woman. Why should she leave me if I still wanted to be with her?

 

"It doesn't matter what selective Religious quote or doctrine you wish to site to justify your conduct -- the bottom line, is, your conduct has caused you to lose your wife, and you stand abandoned, intimately, as she has all these years (that probably means you have lost her). Perhaps this perspective will help in some way. I hope so. Yas"

 

No. This world is falling apart, because people don't study Torah, and refuse to understand it. Torah teaches how a man and woman should behave, and what to do in situations like this.

 

But since you women want to divorce a man just because he unconsciously fell in love with another woman, that's your problem. Him falling in love does not mean he wants to leave you, doesn't love you, or doesn't find you beautiful. Please understand this with the next man you meet. You may save him from leaving you before you sleep with another man out of vengeance.

[JoshCube]

It happens because you ALLOW it to happen. Yes you CAN control your emotions, you just choose not to.

 

But it happens unconsciously.