No Limit Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Be patient with the kids. As for the mother, don't expect her to come around anytime soon. Hopefully she'll marry her OM so they can share the divorce bills... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 She is about to get a major dose of Reality 101. Don't be surprised if you do not get another incident of threats to hurt herself. Not your problem anymore. Concentrate on the kids. Leave her to OM> Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Bama, what an ordeal you've gone through. I know you're not out of the woods yet but YOU are doing the right thing. All the right things to protect your children and yourself. Stay strong. You're the DAD! You can't rely on or expect anything from WW. Nothing. There is strength in detachment from WW / WM. Detachment means you have no expectations. Then IF one day by a miracle WM is clean and well enough to become involved with the kids again then I just hope for her sake, it's not too late. People on benders like hers or with minds like hers expect the incredible from others. Some waywards think the kids will love them regardless of what they do, well kids become adults very quickly. They may "love" but they may not trust them and at times, rightly so. I hope your support system gets stronger and stronger. Ofcourse I'm sorry for the kids and you too losing someone you all loved so much. You've been left with little choice but what you've done. My prayers are with you all Lion Heart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 (edited) It's been 12 days since she was served and still no effort whatsover to see the children through the proper channels. I suspect I will know how all of this is going shake out by week's end. She will either fight me tooth or nail, make an offer for divorce settlement or not try at all as we head toward a default judgment. I did get a glimpse into her thought process this week as she sent an email to a mutual friend of ours. She never mentioned the kids or the 6 year affair and accused me of abusing her during the entire marriage. She also went on to say that I want to remain married and have forgiven her but she is the one moving forward. The friend knows about the affair, PO and that I filed. Crazy stuff. Gonna be a crazy week, but the kids are protected and they are doing great. Edited April 19, 2015 by bamawsp 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Sounds like she's hoping that maybe she can at least save her reputation through lies. Well, too bad. At least you have plenty of evidence should she try a similar stunt in court. Just replay a few of your recordings. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Bama She's flailing about like a fish out of water. Disregard it all !!! The good guy is going to get the last laugh here and she will wind up a sorry pitiful castaway with nothing but a dope addicted boyfriend. You are almost there . Let's pray the trend continues for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 It's been 12 days since she was served and still no effort whatsover to see the children through the proper channels. I suspect I will know how all of this is going shake out by week's end. She will either fight me tooth or nail, make an offer for divorce settlement or not try at all as we head toward a default judgment. I did get a glimpse into her thought process this week as she sent an email to a mutual friend of ours. She never mentioned the kids or the 6 year affair and accused me of abusing her during the entire marriage. She also went on to say that I want to remain married and have forgiven her but she is the one moving forward. The friend knows about the affair, PO and that I filed. Crazy stuff. Gonna be a crazy week, but the kids are protected and they are doing great. What does "through the proper channels mean?" Has she tried to see the kids otherwise? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 What does "through the proper channels mean?" Has she tried to see the kids otherwise? My lawyer reached out to hers to set up supervised visits. There hasn't been a return phone call. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 My lawyer reached out to hers to set up supervised visits. There hasn't been a return phone call. Well if she couldn't pay her attorney anymore it's likely he quit the case and dropped her as a customer (... and instead prepares himself to get his money he worked for). Not wanting to excuse her behavior though; it's not like she's uncapable of knocking at the door or calling herself. But she just isn't that woman anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 She may be so mentally ill, she is barely functioning. Socially isolating herself maybe. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 Well the hearing on the temporary order was held this morning. To make a long story short, the hearing never took place as both mine and her attorney were able to reach a settlement. I have sole custody and she gets three supervised visits for a couple hours each. She has to undergo full psychiatric counseling and pass a hair follicle drug screen as well. She is not allowed back in the house and is not allowed to contact me under any circumstances and is prohibited contact from the children outside of the visits. Progress. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Happilydivorced2013 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Sounds a lot like my situation a few years ago, but I was the wife. Until she decides to get sober and get rid of the other person who encourages their addictions she probably won't make much effort to see the kids. My XH is at this very moment meeting with my eldest son for first time in 1-1/2 years. The other two kids still refuse to see him. My daughter was 14 when all hell broke loose. She is now 18. Supposedly he is done with the crazy alcoholic he has been with for three years this time for good, this is why my eldest is finally meeting with him. He is an alcoholic as well and would go on benders that would last days His family who blamed me at first now know he is the sick one. Hopefully this time he will be able to keep it together. I will tell you though, it does get soooo much better. I am so much happier having dumped the chaos and sickness. The divorce was rough, but I can honestly say I don't miss him at all. I have blocked him from my phone and social media but he still creeps on me. Hang in there, and I would have no contact. The fact that she is telling people that you abused her could mean she might use that against you, even if not true. NO CONTACT except through attorneys. Protect yourself. My ex said I had done things that I hadn't when I was still allowing contact that some people believed, until they realized he was an addict. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Three cheers for your attorney !!! I hope all those giving you **** earlier on in this are a little sorry . You took a rotten situation and came out way better than if you had taken the passive approach because of what your kids might hear . She did not give a crap about that The result speaks for itself Congratulations 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 Sidenote: Her boyfriend was spotted outside the court house by a family member of mine. He didn't have the balls to enter the court room. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ArtIsMyThing Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 that is seriously bad taste on his behalf to even be there 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mazerati Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Sidenote: Her boyfriend was spotted outside the court house by a family member of mine. He didn't have the balls to enter the court room. Keep up the necessary work, regardless of her mental state you are focused where you need to, on your children. She has no support, "its" outside. Classless for sure. You've made tough choices, listened to the good advice and are fighting the necessary fight. By not backing down, as others had suggested earlier, you have succeeded and done a masterful job protecting your children. You attacked, and it worked. Best of luck, bamaswp!!!! As tough as this is, you have done yourself and children proud. Maz 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Sidenote: Her boyfriend was spotted outside the court house by a family member of mine. He didn't have the balls to enter the court room. I hope your attorney has made clear that he is never to contact you or your children as well. He sounds like a rat scurrying through holes in walls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 Hi folks, I thought I would peep in and give you guys an update on what's going on in my world. Things are beginning to normalize. MY STBXW has been out of the house for over 6 weeks due to protective order. She has 2 supervised visits a week and is allowed to attend baseball games. Speaking of baseball games, my STBXW had a physical altercation with her mother at one. It wasn't to blatant just involved a shove and pulling of her mother's arm off one of my children. She used bad language and freaked out a bunch of people. Her lawyer brushed it off. All she has done to facilitate a divorce is send over interrogatories. She hasn't attempted to settle in order to get more time with the kids. At the time of this post she has not attempted or passed a hair follicle drug test. She has been drinking at sporting events as well as documented by my children. I'm at a point in my life where I feel free from her. NC is truly a god send. As it stands now, I don't see an actual divorce taking place anytime soon due to unwillingness to cooperate, but most everyone involved minus her and her boyfriend have already moved on with their lives. I want to thank those of you who offered advice, words of encouragement, etc. You don't know how much it helped me in the beginning. Thanks. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Hang in there and good luck Bama! Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Drug users tend to avoid drug tests. Even if the paperwork will take its time your lives are seperated, and that counts the most. Incredible how even your environment has adjusted in such speed. And I think her turning on her own mother might even bring the in-laws on your side. Wow, I almost feel sorry for your STBX. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 Drug users tend to avoid drug tests. Even if the paperwork will take its time your lives are seperated, and that counts the most. Incredible how even your environment has adjusted in such speed. And I think her turning on her own mother might even bring the in-laws on your side. Wow, I almost feel sorry for your STBX. They are definitely on my side and have been for awhile. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Hang un there Bama. You will get over this and thrive. You are lucky to be rid of her and she cannot stall forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Just smile everytime you see her. Life gets so much better when you dont have to live with all the garbage. I am so thankful everyday I do not have a cheater in my life. She is now someone else problem and sometimes that can be fun to watch. Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Morbius Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Hi bamaswp, How are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
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