He slept with his cousin

[Radu]

All other things being equal .. the probability of having a child with genetic problems is doubled when you are dealing with first cousin marriages [i found something like this through that same wikipedia page].

Overall the problem is not that big ... it is smaller than say having kids over a certain age [40] which increases the probability much further than this genetic relation.

 

It is actually less potentially damaging than IVF ... as IVF removes nature from procreation ... where 1 sperm out of hundreds of millions is successful.

With IVF the potential for genetic defects all things being equal is increased 10-fold.

 

The one with the problem is you in this situation and what he does/did before he met you should not be held against him retroactively because of your different standards.

At this point his only guilt is that he did that wishy-washiing around 'i feel guilty'/'i don't feel guilty' ... he should have stuck with his opinion from the get-go regardless of what you think.

Edited April 13, 2015 by Radu

[elaine567]

All other things being equal .. the probability of having a child with genetic problems is doubled when you are dealing with first cousin marriages [i found something like this through that same wikipedia page].

Overall the problem is not that big ... it is smaller than say having kids over a certain age [40] which increases the probability much further than this genetic relation.

 

I think the bigger problems occur in some cultures where it is not just first cousins marrying as a one off, their parents are also the product of a first cousin marriage and their grand parents were the product of a first cousin marriage..... and so on and so on. In that way there are more family links and thus more chance of genetic defects.

True fresh bloodlines are rarely introduced.

[Lion Heart]

Ok I'm not you OP but you've asked for advice and "emotional support" from ls members.

 

Here are the MAJOR HUGE RED FLAGS I see: in no particular order.

1) he slept with his cousin WOAH! Yeah future family events blah blah. If it's acceptable in your culture OP and this does not offend your moral sensibilities then you would not have posted that. It does offend you (and would me too) and is of great concern to any future closer relationship.

2) he had sex with a guy WOAH! I am completely hetero and want a man who is also completely hetero. No compromise there. I don't want a guy who's "tried" a man or who even WANTS to try a man. No matter what his excuse is.

3) he does drugs WOAH! Yeah some people call me a "Miss Prim and Proper" or a prude. I'm not. Just don't do drugs. My profession means I have to report drug use and frankly I would never want to have children with a drug user EVER. My relationships MUST have certain standards or I wouldn't bother going on a 2nd date.

4) LDR - little woah. Just not possible to have any reality of what an everyday relationship would look like together. Too much reliance on what they SAY they do and seeing what they actually DO do. Just wasting time IMHO.

 

OP you've come to a forum full of strangers for emotional support because your relationship is wraught with issues. And yes they may be YOUR issues but only specific to this LDR with this man.

 

You do need to meet a guy locally who has been clean, only wants women, or more importantly ONE woman and he loves his family in a family way and not in a sexual way.

That ^^^^ probably accounts for WAY more men than you think.

 

You are only ever gonna be unhappy with your current bf.

Not only would you be looking over your shoulder for OW but OM, his cousins and drug dealers! Not a prize. Not my idea of a prospective father to my children either.

 

Just had to give it to you straight up. Good luck.

Lion Heart.

[Clockwork]

I think every guy who has a mildly attractive cousin has thought about her. Most never act on it. I have a cousin who is younger than me but when she turned 18 she wasn't my "little cousin" anymore, she was a young woman. An experienced young woman. She's from out of town and she stayed at my place and I was in the middle of a relationship (before I met my wife) and to be quite honest I did want her for a brief second. I was lonely, I was horny, she was very pretty then and we were both sort of vulnerable.

 

 

It was all in my head. My cousin is a very self-absorbed adult now and I thank God that the brief moment of weakness I had didn't go further and no one needed to know. Because I would have to explain that to my wife if we had done something.

[barcode88]

I think every guy who has a mildly attractive cousin has thought about her. Most never act on it. I have a cousin who is younger than me but when she turned 18 she wasn't my "little cousin" anymore, she was a young woman. An experienced young woman. She's from out of town and she stayed at my place and I was in the middle of a relationship (before I met my wife) and to be quite honest I did want her for a brief second. I was lonely, I was horny, she was very pretty then and we were both sort of vulnerable.

 

 

It was all in my head. My cousin is a very self-absorbed adult now and I thank God that the brief moment of weakness I had didn't go further and no one needed to know. Because I would have to explain that to my wife if we had done something.

 

I think if its all in your head its perfectly normal. Pretty sure everyone has fantasized about people they shouldn't be Lol.

[Clockwork]

He told me he slept with a guy before but it was under influence of weed and he's sure he is straight and wont do it again...but all these make me question his morals. Am i overreacting? i don't know how to handle these things,especially the way he reacted when i brought it up. He wasnt supportive, he said im being irrational for getting upset of things that was in the past. Please help!

 

Look dear, this part stood out. The guy had sex with his cousin as you said before. That wasn't right, but believe me, a guy who is 20 years old at the peak of his sexual prime will fantasize about his 16 year old cousin if she is attractive. He just will unless she has been very close to him in a "sibling" type of way his whole life. We all did things that we knew were naughty even as we were doing it. I lost my virginity to a woman 10 years older than me. She knew stuff. I was hooked for a while. His cousin may have been the aggressor.

 

 

However, he slept with a guy once and you believe he isn't gay? Or doesn't have tendencies? Sorry, I've been high on weed. I've been high and drunk at the same time. I still made a pass at a woman though. I knew what I was doing. I was camping when I was high and drunk and believe me I didn't sneak into my buddy's tent and "fool around" and then say the next day I was just high and it meant nothing.

 

 

I would question that a LOT more than the fling he had with his cousin. Every man can relate to his cousin coming on to him and having sex with her, not so much the other thing with a man though. Follow up on that.