lphrd Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I'm almost 50 with a girlfriend 20 years younger than me. What started as friendship developed into something physical. I really enjoy the physical side and her company, but I have a lingering doubt whether the age gap is too much? I seem quite conscious when out when showing signs of affection between us. I know I am not the first guy with a girlfriend so much younger than me, so would appreciate any thoughts about how to cope with my feelings about the age gap Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 My parents have a gap of 20 years. Their marriage produced me and is still together 40 years later, so it can work. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I'm not sure why it bothers you. It seems as though you're insecure that someone will disapprove and judge you harshly or something. Screw'em. Enjoy your girlfriend and your life. It's not a big deal unless you believe it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 It is only a problem if it is a problem for either of you. You are NOT a dirty old man and she is NOT a child with daddy issues. You are both adults, and if you care for each other that is all that matters. Just enjoy your relationship 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lokin4AReason Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 it can work, if you two make it work =0) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 My parents have a gap of 20 years. Their marriage produced me and is still together 40 years later, so it can work. Which one is 20 years older, your mom or your dad? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Which one is 20 years older, your mom or your dad? Dad, they met when he was 46 and she was 26. Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I was so mental about the age gap in my own relationship (I'm almost a decade older than my man). Every second of being together was so incredible, but then when we were apart, I felt anxiety about it and questioned my sanity. I fell for him before I had any idea how old he was... it was a conundrum. @_@ A few months in, I made the conscious decision to just forget about it... and it was the best decision I ever made. I think, as the older partner, you are definitely more vulnerable in a lot of ways. To compensate for potential challenges, I started reading a lot of relationship psych... how to communicate better, how to maintain the balance between masculine/feminine energy. One thing I realized, as an older partner, is that you have to step back sometimes and let the other person figure things out... even when you know the answer. Otherwise, you run the risk of being smothering or controlling. I'm sure the dynamics are a little different if you're an older man and some of the challenges may be different, but at the end of the day, what worked for me, was focusing on how to have a relationship with the highest level of respect, freedom, and mutual joy in general. Those principles are timeless, and essentially, to have a healthy relationship, you need to learn them anyway. The age gap was a blessing for me because I had to learn them right off the bat. My $0.02. My relationship with my man is the most stellar relationship I've ever had, in so many ways. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lphrd Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 I was so mental about the age gap in my own relationship (I'm almost a decade older than my man). Every second of being together was so incredible, but then when we were apart, I felt anxiety about it and questioned my sanity. I fell for him before I had any idea how old he was... it was a conundrum. @_@ A few months in, I made the conscious decision to just forget about it... and it was the best decision I ever made. I think, as the older partner, you are definitely more vulnerable in a lot of ways. To compensate for potential challenges, I started reading a lot of relationship psych... how to communicate better, how to maintain the balance between masculine/feminine energy. One thing I realized, as an older partner, is that you have to step back sometimes and let the other person figure things out... even when you know the answer. Otherwise, you run the risk of being smothering or controlling. I'm sure the dynamics are a little different if you're an older man and some of the challenges may be different, but at the end of the day, what worked for me, was focusing on how to have a relationship with the highest level of respect, freedom, and mutual joy in general. Those principles are timeless, and essentially, to have a healthy relationship, you need to learn them anyway. The age gap was a blessing for me because I had to learn them right off the bat. My $0.02. My relationship with my man is the most stellar relationship I've ever had, in so many ways. I thank you all for your kind replies so far. I am concerned that people might see me more as a father figure than a partner/lover? She is 29, but looks younger, probably early/mid 20's? Her age wasn't the reason for getting together, she was one of several people I got chatting with online when my marriage was on the rocks and we found we could open up to each other and eventually bit the bullet and met each other, and it just went from there. I admit I can at times be insecure, and maybe my problem is that the love of my life looks a similar age to my eldest daughter! I wont repeat what my ex said when she realised the age of the person I am now with! Link to post Share on other sites
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