I like this girl, but am feeling conflicted now.

[Grilled_Salmon]

To begin with, as the title suggests, I'm conflicted what to do. I'm not sure whether if I should give up altogether or take the risk of asking her out/confessing.

 

She works at the gym I go to. I never really took much notice of her (in my mind, she was just the blonde receptionist that says 'hi!' with a bright smile and nothing more) until around mid or late September last year. That was the time we had our first conversation, which took place right after my first boxing lesson, on a Wednesday evening. She works there every Wednesday evening and Saturday.

 

At the time, I didn't want to have anything to do with dating. I gave a try with OLD, and that didn't go too well. The last time I had liked someone IRL was in 2010, and it remains one of the biggest regrets in my life - and in the end, I only had myself to blame for it.

 

But yet, fastforward to December, I found myself realizing I really enjoyed being around her. Every now and then, we'd talk about our favorite movies, TV shows, what we want to do for a career (she's a uni/college student) and such. Sometimes, I'd even shown her some of the drawings I did, and she was amazed by them. I even got to know a little bit about her family, though upon her mentioning that she doesn't speak to her parents, I figured it's probably a sensitive topic for her.

 

It got to the point that I even bought a box of Choco-pies for her as a Christmas present (which she kindly rejected, as she said she's allergic to glutin). I bought two of them actually, with one intended for the manager but given her excuse, ended up giving both to him.

 

In the end, I just lent her the LOTR trilogy DVDs over the Christmas and summer holidays, as she had never seen them. I did ask her for her number on the day I said I'd lend her the DVDs (saying I'd text her when I drop them off at the reception desk), but she refused and said to just drop them off at the day she works. That was what I did, albeit having to reschedule my own timetable on that particular day.

 

I'd have to admit that I was probably in denial that I was attracted to her during that month, and constantly refusing to accept it and making up all kinds of excuses to myself.

 

By the time it was late January however, I started feeling more and more anxious whenever I saw her. I got the DVDs back (for all the time she had, she had only seen 2 of the 3 movies) and she said she enjoyed them, but I found myself unable to think of much to say.

 

By February, I outright started avoiding her like the plague. Aside from having a serious acne outbreak (now mostly recovered thanks to ocutane), I couldn't really think up of anything to say to her and felt terribly nervous whenever she was around. Started avoiding going to the gym on Saturdays and if she was filling in for someone else, I'd just exit through the back door or even play the music in my phone to full volume and pretend I'm reading something in the news when leaving through the main door.

 

It's only recently that I started to 'acknowledge' her existence; I started going back on Saturdays, and if she said 'hi', I just weakly wave at her. I'm still unable to say as much as a word to her. This Wednesday, when she started her evening shift, yet, I pretended she wasn't there while I was chatting with the manager (and kept it that way even when he was on the phone for a minute).

 

By this point, I don't know what she thinks of me. Probably weird is my guess. At worst, a jerk.

 

Though, throughout the whole time, there were times that I suspected that she's just playing along simply because being nice to everyone is part of her job. After all, she didn't want to give her number and in her perspective, I'm probably just one of the many guys that goes to that gym. Even more so, she did not sound very happy when I asked her about her folks.

 

On my part, I was also held back by my long list of rejections in the past, plus usually being generally awkward/shy with women and to some degree, my ethnicity as well (Korean). I'd even admit that she's probably the first woman in my age range in a long time that hasn't treated me like some kind of a monster, but then again, if she did, she'd probably be risking her own job.

 

I feel like I should admit my feelings, but at the same time, also feel that I don't have really much of a chance and should thus ignore and get over her until I leave for basic training in mid July. I know, I'm being terribly indecisive, and that itself is likely not a very good trait to show when it comes to dating and the like.

 

I'll admit that rejection terrifies me immensely - and it still does. As said above, the last time I was rejected IRL, it was absolutely crushing and I fear of that happening again. Yet, a small (and if I say, reckless) part of me wants to take that risk and go all out like as if it's all or nothing.

[Frank2thepoint]

I'm not sure whether if I should give up altogether or take the risk of asking her out/confessing.

 

The last time I had liked someone IRL was in 2010, and it remains one of the biggest regrets in my life - and in the end, I only had myself to blame for it.

 

You are your own worst enemy. You haven't even tried, and you're contemplating never trying at all. Just to give some perspective, you go to the gym to improve your health (you're doing more than majority of people do), and you'll be going off to basic training (which is something most people would never do), yet you are afraid of uttering a simple phrase "Hey do you want to grab some drinks with me?" You need to find the same confidence that you have for exercising and joining the military, and use it for asking this girl out.

 

What's surprising is you already know how you're going to feel if you do nothing. Why not change that and take a risk. Even if she says no, at least you tried. There is nothing to fear about rejection. Rejection is just another form of incompatibility. If she says no, oh well, move on to the next woman.

[Toodaloo]

I'll admit that rejection terrifies me immensely - and it still does. As said above, the last time I was rejected IRL, it was absolutely crushing and I fear of that happening again. Yet, a small (and if I say, reckless) part of me wants to take that risk and go all out like as if it's all or nothing.

 

If you don't ask you have 0 chance

 

If you ask you have a chance.

 

Start growing a pair of balls as well as those muscles and ask her out.

 

Oh and stop hiding just because of a few spots. There is nothing to be ashamed of just because you have acne.

[Grilled_Salmon]

Cheers for the advice, guys. It's appreciated.

 

I know how I'm going to feel if I do nothing simply because it's happened before On the other hand though, doing the opposite never really made the outcome any better either. I probably should have mentioned it in my post, but liking a girl never ever ended well for me.

 

In the case of the girl in 2010, to put it subtly, it wasn't just the rejection that was the hard bit. It was the following acts that were the most impacting - from the spreading of false rumors, finding out that she never really saw me as a friend and simply used me for her own gain (in other words, a one-sided friendship of the sorts) and on top of it, I was virtually shunned by everyone. To be simple, I felt extremely humiliated for having fallen for someone that turned out to be the devil, and everyone knew it.

 

TBH, I think the fear of something like that happening again is why I'm so afraid of rejection. It's not the pain of rejection itself, but what could follow after it, and what happened in 2010 wasn't the first time either (though undeniably it was the worse one).

 

As with this woman, as said above - the pain of rejection isn't what daunts me the most. But even then, I feel as if I still don't know enough about her to get to the point of asking her out. I don't have her number, and when I did ask her for it, she made up an excuse for it and to a degree, seemed extremely unwilling to do so as well (though this is my speculation).

 

Maybe I'm just being overly paranoid, I can't say for sure. Though I agree with you guys, and admit it; I won't know 100% for sure unless it's done. I'll be looking to go for it in the next two weeks.

 

Just...have to start talking to her again whenever I see her. Somehow, I got a feeling it'll be awkward, since I virtually ignored her every time I saw her, even when she said hi (now I'm really regretting it terribly).

 

Again, thanks for the advice.