Not sure if she wants me back.

[BlueSteel109]

Hahaha very true. If I had a dollar for every time I tried to push her in the right direction and she went in the wrong one anyways, well nevermind, that still wouldn't amount to all the **** I have bought for her. That solves that.

 

I'm happy there is always someone here to push me in the right direction. I do get somewhat weak when things like this pop up, but only momentary. In fact I'd feel like something was wrong if someone told me to text her back haha. I can't thank you all enough for your support.

[Ruby65]

"I know you hate me, but I'm always going to be here for you no matter what. I just want you to know that."

 

What a load of garbage.

 

I'm sorry, but there's nothing here.

 

It's time for you to block her on your phone, because all she's doing now is sending you messages to relieve her own guilt and keep you around as a possible future Plan B.

 

Go ahead and block her on all the sites and apps you haven't blocked her on yet. Then change your phone number if you can't block her on your phone.

 

She should have to show up at your front door -- or work to find a way around your blocks -- if she ever expects to communicate with you again.

 

Just saying. You've hit rock bottom now with the communication -- you're now in the Friend Zone. Time to cut her off, my friend.

[towch]

Hey everyone. I am coming to check back in. A few events have happened since I last wrote on here. On 4/24 I received a private call around 10pm. Going off of the fact I rarely receive private calls, I had my suspicions. On 4/25 around midnight, I was waiting for my friend to come pick me up when I saw her drive by my house VERY slowly. I literally thought she was going to pull in the driveway. Then on 4/28 I get a phone call from a weird number around 10pm once again. I answered and said hello twice. The call was a total of 20 seconds. I know someone was on the other end because I heard background noise. No one said anything so I hung up. I pulled the number up online and discovered that it isn't owned by any retail carriers. Meaning its most likely an application for a smart phone that provides a telephone number. EX: Google Voice.

 

It's been roughly two weeks since then. Nothing out of the ordinary. I feel a whole lot different than I did when I originally posted this. I now know that I can live with or without her in my life. There is still pain and missing her sometimes. Usually anger more than anything though. Regardless of if she physically cheated or not during our relationship. I know there were several guys she had feelings for while we were dating. It just burns me up she never had the decency to break it off with me. Sometimes she did break it off, but she was back within days. She would just continue to do this to me, for four years straight. I wish I wasn't so nice and realize some people just won't change.

 

Overall, I'm doing great. I'm coming up to 3 months NC I believe. In a few more months hopefully all this feels like is a bad dream. Maybe she will fool us and make a decent attempt at reconciliation by then. It doesn't matter either way because life goes on. There's only so much time in this world and I choose to spend it on those who I know care about me.

 

This ^^^^^

I received about 4 calls between yesterday and last week. Nobody talks , sometimes they hang up. My position at work doesn't require me to receive calls from people outside plus this didn't start until after our breakup. I is most def your Ex.

[spiderowl]

The Old School Hard Line No Contact Rule:

 

Unless and until she tells you she wants to get back together, you ignore everything.

 

 

If she's sounding him out, she's unlikely to go as far as this if he completely ignores her. Just saying.

[Satu]

No contact.

[Simon Phoenix]

If she's sounding him out, she's unlikely to go as far as this if he completely ignores her. Just saying.

 

Well, if that dissuades her she doesn't really want it.

[BlueSteel109]

If she's sounding him out, she's unlikely to go as far as this if he completely ignores her. Just saying.

 

I think I see what you're saying. If I continue no contact, as we are already pushing 90 days, that at one point she's just going to stop contacting me all together because she will know better than to try and contact me. That has also comes across my mind. In that case I've been debating on sending something like "Thank you for your condolences. I hope you're doing well". I probably won't though.

 

I can see where the friendzone assumption comes into play. Looking at that text alone I can see it, but if you add all the other action she has taken. She's starting to seem crazy for me.

 

Calling me on anonymous numbers late at night, driving by my house late at night, trying to add me on fake FB profiles, plus all the texts she has sent. I think this is more obsession. She's trying to get me to break NC for some reason. Her text she sent almost a month ago sounded damn near that "I want to get back together" I've been looking for. I didn't buy on it though because finding out the new bf was still around pissed me off.

 

This is starting to make me think she may be a serial monogamist. I don't think she will leave this person to try to pursue me in fear of being alone.

 

I got another update as well. I just spoke to my friend and he said she posted a FB status about my dog yesterday, containing several pictures of my dog. My dog died a week ago today. That's a bit delayed and she had to go through some extreme length of Facebook stalking to figure about my dog. I wonder how her current bf feels about that Facebook post.

Edited May 13, 2015 by BlueSteel109

[Simon Phoenix]

I think I see what you're saying. If I continue no contact, as we are already pushing 90 days, that at one point she's just going to stop contacting me all together because she will know better than to try and contact me. That has also comes across my mind. In that case I've been debating on sending something like "Thank you for your condolences. I hope you're doing well". I probably won't though.

 

I can see where the friendzone assumption comes into play. Looking at that text alone I can see it, but if you add all the other action she has taken. She's starting to seem crazy for me.

 

Calling me on anonymous numbers late at night, driving by my house late at night, trying to add me on fake FB profiles, plus all the texts she has sent. I think this is more obsession. She's trying to get me to break NC for some reason. Her text she sent almost a month ago sounded damn near that "I want to get back together" I've been looking for. I didn't buy on it though because finding out the new bf was still around pissed me off.

 

This is starting to make me think she may be a serial monogamist. I don't think she will leave this person to try to pursue me in fear of being alone.

 

I got another update as well. I just spoke to my friend and he said she posted a FB status about my dog yesterday, containing several pictures of my dog. My dog died a week ago today. That's a bit delayed and she had to go through some extreme length of Facebook stalking to figure about my dog. I wonder how her current bf feels about that Facebook post.

 

You'd be amazed how not unusual your ex's behavior is and how it doesn't really mean that she wants to get back with you. Some people, especially women (no offense ladies) can't stand knowing that someone isn't "cool" with them. Until she takes any sort of actual leap where she really puts herself out there, this is most likely a completely self-centered ploy to absolve guilt.

[BC1980]

You'd be amazed how not unusual your ex's behavior is and how it doesn't really mean that she wants to get back with you. Some people, especially women (no offense ladies) can't stand knowing that someone isn't "cool" with them. Until she takes any sort of actual leap where she really puts herself out there, this is most likely a completely self-centered ploy to absolve guilt.

 

I gotta agree with this. Even if she dumped him, she still wants the power, wants to know she matters to him in some way. There have been several threads on LS where people's exes did these types of things. My ex did weird stuff too, and I think it was all a ploy to get my attention. A birthday gift arrived on my doorstep with no note, no card. That was from him. Some creepy stuff has happened at work that I don't want to mention on LS. He feeds information to one of my friends about his life, and I think it's because he wants it to get back to me. This person is not his friend but sees him at work a good deal. She doesn't tell me info anymore though.

 

Your ex truly seems like she wants power. Some people don't want to be with you but still want to matter in your life. They still want to be relevant to you. So they hang around, they lurk, they do stuff through third parties. It's really narcissistic and attention seeking. It's also really selfish because they don't want you to move on. They make it difficult for you to move on. But you have to be careful too. Don't encourage it, seek it out, or enjoy it. Because like it or not, even negative behavior means they are giving you attention. And people are people; we like attention. But I can promise you that this attention isn't genuine or in done in a loving manner. I honestly wouldn't have believed that people do this stuff until it happened to me.

[dumbass2]

Your ex truly seems like she wants power. Some people don't want to be with you but still want to matter in your life. They still want to be relevant to you. So they hang around, they lurk, they do stuff through third parties. It's really narcissistic and attention seeking. It's also really selfish because they don't want you to move on. They make it difficult for you to move on. But you have to be careful too. Don't encourage it, seek it out, or enjoy it. Because like it or not, even negative behavior means they are giving you attention. And people are people; we like attention. But I can promise you that this attention isn't genuine or in done in a loving manner. I honestly wouldn't have believed that people do this stuff until it happened to me.

 

 

This is so true

[SolidGoldTurd]

If she's sounding him out, she's unlikely to go as far as this if he completely ignores her. Just saying.

 

 

^^^ THIS 2000000% ^^^

 

No one, dumper or dumpee, is going to ask for you back so explicitly. There's far too much at risk of rejection for them if they're *possibly* trying to get you back.

 

It's just like a saucepan that's been left on the hub ... you're not going to grab at it expecting it's cold, you're going to test it out (or more often than not get some gloves first).

 

You have to be a blithering idiot if you're sitting around hoping your ex is going to say "I made a huge mistake, I want you back, please **** my brains out!" or come up to your front door to beg for you back lol

 

 

This is regardless of the person's personality, whether extro or introvert

regardless of the person's gender

 

 

It's amazing how often I hear on this site that you have to expect your ex to literally beg you back before you do anything LOL

[SolidGoldTurd]

I think I see what you're saying. If I continue no contact, as we are already pushing 90 days, that at one point she's just going to stop contacting me all together because she will know better than to try and contact me. That has also comes across my mind. In that case I've been debating on sending something like "Thank you for your condolences. I hope you're doing well". I probably won't though.

 

I can see where the friendzone assumption comes into play. Looking at that text alone I can see it, but if you add all the other action she has taken. She's starting to seem crazy for me.

 

Calling me on anonymous numbers late at night, driving by my house late at night, trying to add me on fake FB profiles, plus all the texts she has sent. I think this is more obsession. She's trying to get me to break NC for some reason. Her text she sent almost a month ago sounded damn near that "I want to get back together" I've been looking for. I didn't buy on it though because finding out the new bf was still around pissed me off.

 

This is starting to make me think she may be a serial monogamist. I don't think she will leave this person to try to pursue me in fear of being alone.

 

I got another update as well. I just spoke to my friend and he said she posted a FB status about my dog yesterday, containing several pictures of my dog. My dog died a week ago today. That's a bit delayed and she had to go through some extreme length of Facebook stalking to figure about my dog. I wonder how her current bf feels about that Facebook post.

 

 

 

What spiderowl said in response to that Old No Contact rule stuff, is the truth - Hallelujah! Someone has finally had the guts to say it ...

 

 

 

But back to your scenario.

 

 

 

I think you should forget about your ex, for the simple reason that, yes she's contacting you - some will say reaching out - but she doesn't seem like the girl you'd want to spend time with, at all.

 

She's obsessive, jumps from relationship to relationship, can't stand being on her own, needs constant gratification, doesn't want you to move on (i.e doesn't care) and most of all, she's a cheater.

 

You'll find another mate, who's so much better than this nutter and when you do you'll look back and say, thank god I didn't chase her! Thank god she's out of my mind and heart!

 

 

Good luck!

[BlueSteel109]

What spiderowl said in response to that Old No Contact rule stuff, is the truth - Hallelujah! Someone has finally had the guts to say it ...

 

 

 

But back to your scenario.

 

 

 

I think you should forget about your ex, for the simple reason that, yes she's contacting you - some will say reaching out - but she doesn't seem like the girl you'd want to spend time with, at all.

 

She's obsessive, jumps from relationship to relationship, can't stand being on her own, needs constant gratification, doesn't want you to move on (i.e doesn't care) and most of all, she's a cheater.

 

You'll find another mate, who's so much better than this nutter and when you do you'll look back and say, thank god I didn't chase her! Thank god she's out of my mind and heart!

 

 

Good luck!

 

Have to agree with you. Over the amount of passing time I have realized basically what you said. She's just a bad person overall. She really isn't an asset to me. In my scenario I'm happy I stuck to strict NC. In situations where people weren't cheated on and walked all over, I definitely would of got back to her on her first text. I just knew mentally that I should have to do nothing to fix this. It's not even salvageable at this point. Emotionally I've cleared up tremendously. Thanks for your words Solid.

[BlueSteel109]

I also have a bit of dilemma here with my ex I was hoping to get some opinions on. Since I last checked in with you all I received one more high school style phone call where she called me on a fake number and didn't say anything. Obviously blocking her isn't working so maybe its time for a number change in general.

 

I moved out into a new place within the last month. Soon after I guess her grandpa came over to my parents house looking to pay me for some job I did for him back in November. I found this strange as he didn't give my parent's the money, instead he just got my number from my parent's and left me a voicemail. I did return his call. I told him to keep his money. Then he tried telling me how my ex was recently in the hospital and I cut him off there. He told me to call him when I'm in town so he can at least take me out to dinner. That was the end of that. I find this very strange as I know her family would still have my number and he pushed very hard for a meet up. Why drive to my parents house asking if I'm home you know?

 

Then I stopped at my parents last night and spoke with my mom. She told me my ex stopped over Sunday night. She called their house phone before she came out. I never gave her the house phone number, which is also weird. She gave my mom a $20 gift card and they just talked about me the rest of the time. She asked her how I was and where I was at, although I'm sure she knew from the grandpa I moved out. She told my mom that she was also moved out to a city close to her where her new bf lives. Most likely meaning she's either sleeping over there a lot or they actually moved into a place together. She really can't afford another monthly payment, as she is financially unstable. She asked if I was still going to school and then proceeded to tell my mom that she's going to the same school next semester. Which is conveniently next to my new home.

 

If this wasn't weird enough somehow they start discussing our break up. She emphasized to my mother that I broke up with her and that she rebounded(her words, not mine) to the guy she is currently with because he was also just out of a serious relationship. My mom knows the full story by the way so she knows this is utter bull **** and she's trying to put herself on a pedestal. She also decided to mention that the new bf went on vacation with her and her family.

 

At this point, I don't care what her intentions are. I don't get a tingly feeling when she does these things anymore. Now it only frustrates me. I want her to leave my family alone. If she's got something to say, obviously she has my number. She shouldn't be talking about the break up with my mom trying to make herself feel justified. She wouldn't be doing any of this to begin with if she didn't know she was in the wrong. This coming over to talk to my mom about your new relationship ****. This is not normal. I felt like her putting a memorial for my dog on her Facebook wall was weird, but then she just keeps topping herself. What tickles me the most is she continues to see the new guy even though she has to be doing all of this behind his back. If she really wanted to try and win me back, she is going about it all wrong. Aside from that, I see it as we're broke up. Get out of my life and stay away from everyone around me. She wasn't very close with any of them either. Should I do anything about this or continue NC?

[LeslieKnope]

Your ex sounds like a sociopath. Block her on all social media, block her number on your phone (or change the number) and ask your mom to not receive her again (let her keeping ringing the doorbell next time). If she tries to contact your family again, then that may be the time to break NC and threaten that you'll call the police. One time. No more. Maybe it's just me talking from a female perspective, but if a male ex was as aggressive to me as how she's been with you, I would've considered filing a restraining order long ago.

 

None of what she's doing is normal or healthy. It suggests a personality disorder.

[BlueSteel109]

Your ex sounds like a sociopath. Block her on all social media, block her number on your phone (or change the number) and ask your mom to not receive her again (let her keeping ringing the doorbell next time). If she tries to contact your family again, then that may be the time to break NC and threaten that you'll call the police. One time. No more. Maybe it's just me talking from a female perspective, but if a male ex was as aggressive to me as how she's been with you, I would've considered filing a restraining order long ago.

 

None of what she's doing is normal or healthy. It suggests a personality disorder.

 

Thank you for your reply. I've never considered that, but I think you're right. Mentally there is something wrong with her. I never thought in my life she would go this far to get attention. I've already taken care of blocking on social media. Went as far as to include all of her family and friends. I'm sure they would understand that its not them, but I really don't care because I wasn't trying to see pictures of her and the new dude. Her number is blocked too. She's using some sort of app to call on different numbers each time now. I think if I get one more that will definitely be the last straw and I will request a number change. Hate to lose it after 8 years, but that would be the only way. That's basically the stage I was at when my mom told me about her stopping by. I was ready to call her, pretty much tell her shes crazy and threaten to get a restraining order. We've been split for 5 months now. There's no reason she should be acting like this.