blind_otter Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Originally posted by ECsPaL That's my point of my reply, Blind_Otter. I spose it's all in how you say it. I see someone saying "communicate that you are upset right now, because when he ismaking up to you there is a possibility that you may retain some level of resentment that will spill over into future interactions." Does that seem more advice-y to you? It's the same thing in different words. Some people phrase things in stupid ways, I'll give you that on a platter. I guess the point is....does the advice come from a place of good intentions, or negativity and criticism? I've gotten my share of bullsh*t criticism and this isn't it. I've had people roll their eyes at my posts and say that I deserve what I get because I smoke pot, or have a chaotic personal life, or have bad taste in men. That's NOT advice. That's just cruelty. But what you refer to in the above post, doesn't seem like random cruelty to me. I'm just bein honest, not trying to criticize at random. Maybe you could give an example of what you think advice is. That could help me understand your issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted April 22, 2005 Author Share Posted April 22, 2005 Still waiting for that update! Its coming don't worry..... Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Originally posted by HoldOn I don't understand. Wouldn't you admit that if you care for someone and that someone has told you that 1-year anni is important, wouldn't that make it important to you also? Why do guys feel they can ignore their gf's desires, just because it is not a "guy thing." I do things that aren't "girl things" becuase they make my bf happy. Isn't that what's important? No I disagree. I think it's silly to expect your partner to share all your interests. And why would I want someone to be bored to tears and fake being interested in something? If a guy finds flower-arranging boring, do you really think he is suddenly going to be interested in it just because you are? I wouldn't want my gf to come to sports events if she found them boring. I want to be with an individual, not a compliant doormat with no personality of her own. Also why should your interests take precedence? If your partner finds something boring, and you find it interesting, why don't you drop your interest to make him happy? As for the main post, I think it's blown out of all proportion. The way you're talking, you'd think this couple were married together and he had forgotten the 1st wedding anniversary. And the guy didn't even forget this so-called anniversary - he is being moaned at for "only" sending a message! Look - some people, myself included, find anniversaries to be meangingless and trivial. What is so important about being together 365 days, rather than 364 or 366, or 400 or 200? It is a completely arbitrary event which serves no useful purpose except to fatten the bank accounts of card companies and gift retailers. If you disagree, then fair enough - but at least he has made the effort to accommodate your desires here. Maybe you can do the decent thing and accommodate *his* desires, by not moaning at him for going to a concert with his friends, and waiting till he comes around, then talking over your concerns. He at least deserves the benefit of the doubt, rather than you blowing your top at him. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Originally posted by mental_traveller No I disagree. I think it's silly to expect your partner to share all your interests. And why would I want someone to be bored to tears and fake being interested in something? If a guy finds flower-arranging boring, do you really think he is suddenly going to be interested in it just because you are? I wouldn't want my gf to come to sports events if she found them boring. I want to be with an individual, not a compliant doormat with no personality of her own. Also why should your interests take precedence? If your partner finds something boring, and you find it interesting, why don't you drop your interest to make him happy? As for the main post, I think it's blown out of all proportion. The way you're talking, you'd think this couple were married together and he had forgotten the 1st wedding anniversary. And the guy didn't even forget this so-called anniversary - he is being moaned at for "only" sending a message! Look - some people, myself included, find anniversaries to be meangingless and trivial. What is so important about being together 365 days, rather than 364 or 366, or 400 or 200? It is a completely arbitrary event which serves no useful purpose except to fatten the bank accounts of card companies and gift retailers. If you disagree, then fair enough - but at least he has made the effort to accommodate your desires here. Maybe you can do the decent thing and accommodate *his* desires, by not moaning at him for going to a concert with his friends. That was a jerky way to give advice. I mean, were you trying to advise, or just trying to make her feel bad about herself? Come on, man. I personally don't think much about anniversaries but just because *I* don't doesn't mean *SHE* shouldn't, and he's *HER* lover, NOT yours, so what YOU like doesn't really MATTER. For example, my parents forgot my birthday one year and it really made me sad. So, instead of having a tantrum I just made it a point to let them know it was coming up every year from then on. It's really important to me, so I make it known. Not so much anymore because I am getting old, but back when I was a teen. Now, I didn't give a sh*t if anyone else thought I was stupid for wanting to celebrate my birthday. It's my f-cking birthday. In any case, still waitin' for the update EC. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 It's my f-cking birthday. I think it's silly to expect your partner to share all your interests. And why would I want someone to be bored to tears and fake being interested in something? If a guy finds flower-arranging boring, do you really think he is suddenly going to be interested in it just because you are? Hello! she is not asking him to do flower arranging! She is asking him to do something nice for her on their anniversary. This has NOTHING to do with sharing interests. This is about doing nice things for your SO. Like on my Bf's birthday, maybe I'll get him game tickets. That doesn't mean I have to go to the freaking game with him or enjoy baseball. I am doing something nice for HIM! It's not about sharing interests, it's about having a giving relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Yeah, or like maybe do something special. Dinner together? Not even out, maybe home cooked? Spending time together? A phone call? A gift certificate? Or, as EC said, a piece of paper with "Happy Anniversary" written in highlighter? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted April 26, 2005 Author Share Posted April 26, 2005 Thanks guys!!! I'm really over it already. I dont have an update yet because he's coming down tomorrow..so I will update then. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweets1919 Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Earlier in the posts someone asked EC what she got for romantic gifts from her bf. She said that she did not get anything for her birthday b/c it has not come around yet. How is this possible if they have just had their one year anniversary.......... Link to post Share on other sites
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