I_Give_Up67 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 my self esteem, confidence, and ego are totally dilapidated...gone...but today, after posting here, I feel better already...I've met a couple women but was too downtrodden to continue dating them. I've seen 5 counselors, and 1 has made headway who i'll be seeing again...it is very traumatic. These images haunt me...the stories haunt me...and thinking I was married to this person I really didn't know is overwhelming. Yes, I drank quite a bit during this, but stopped...and stopped my thoughts of suicide as well... A month of no contact has truly helped, as talking to her or having her visit was too damaging. She lied, used me for money and favors, and told me of her exploits like I was a girlfriend...she had a threesome where two small children were sleeping in another room, and told me how scared she was when she showed up at a hotel to meet a couple who choked her, tried to urinate on her, and watched the male make his wife vomit with his penis...she didn't leave this episode even though she was scared, and continued two nights later with another married couple. she was being contacted constantly by these sick people, as she said "it's hard for them to find a willing female"... She's an educational assistant at a highschool, working with handicapped children...how can someone in such a caring occupation become so twisted? she was a decent mom, and showed empathy throughout the marriage...but the last month before sep, and the year following to present day, she has turned into this monster, and i am still devastated. No doubt you have a long road to recovery, but you will get there! You MUST not allow her back into your personal space because she will destroy you. It takes a sadistic individual to do to you what she has done. You must not blame yourself for her misdeeds. Obviously she was an imposter during your entire M and could not fake it anymore. One small consolation, be thankful she left before giving you an incurable STD. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deg20 Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 No doubt you have a long road to recovery, but you will get there! You MUST not allow her back into your personal space because she will destroy you. It takes a sadistic individual to do to you what she has done. You must not blame yourself for her misdeeds. Obviously she was an imposter during your entire M and could not fake it anymore. One small consolation, be thankful she left before giving you an incurable STD. Yes...I'm clean, and she will not return to my life. All my counselors and others have told me they have never seen such hurtful, sick behaviour that she some how validated by saying "it's fun'...there was a couple times she called me crying as she was confused and sad at herself, saying sorry she hurt me a number of times, but I think this was for her own guilt...not for me...and she kept on doing this stuff and relaying it to me. She lies to me, her kids, her friends, uses people, and can't even keep track of her lies, as I've caught her in a matter of minutes lying about something she just said...anyway, I think I'm healing as of today...thanks to all you guys 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 There is one damage that could have been worse. Not knowing for sure. Always wondering, a sliver of hope, not knowing for sure. The later kept me in denial for years. She left you no doubt - I'm not really sure which is most damaging, to tell ya the truth. But I have a feeling the SHOCK TREATMENT you received may put you in recovery faster than some of us that never knew the truth with our own eyes. I never thought of this angle but it makes sense, certainly the opposite of trickle-truth. No doubt in the OP's mind what his STBX wife is up to. Perhaps we need a new term for this behavior. "Data Dump"? Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Goodguy Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Deg, You knew for sure that she would never do what she is doing, don't rule the possibility of anything out. Take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Yes...I'm clean, and she will not return to my life. All my counselors and others have told me they have never seen such hurtful, sick behaviour that she some how validated by saying "it's fun'...there was a couple times she called me crying as she was confused and sad at herself, saying sorry she hurt me a number of times, but I think this was for her own guilt...not for me...and she kept on doing this stuff and relaying it to me. She lies to me, her kids, her friends, uses people, and can't even keep track of her lies, as I've caught her in a matter of minutes lying about something she just said...anyway, I think I'm healing as of today...thanks to all you guys I am glad to hear you are starting down the road to recovery. No doubt it will be bumpy at times, but it's the only way to go, so you might as well get started! Honestly, your wife sounds like she is suffering from some kind of mental imbalance. I am no expert by any means, but someone who would treat their spouse this way has serious issues that have nothing to do with you. She is in need of counseling or medication or both, IMO. And I also think that at some point she will emerge from this f*$%ed up life and realize she's screwed up and come begging back. I hope for your sake that by that time you have moved on to bigger and better things! Good luck! KTB Link to post Share on other sites
Author deg20 Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 I am no expert by any means, but someone who would treat their spouse this way has serious issues that have nothing to do with you. She is in need of counseling or medication or both After she announced she was leaving me, I asked her to go to counseling with me. This was before I knew about her rampant sex stuff and everything. Her reply was, "I don't want to fix this ...I don't want to compromise." She will not enter counselling. Her niece, which for some bizarre reason my ex showed her and told her all of this stuff ( niece is 24 ), said "Aunty, you need help"...my ex laughed it off and they haven't spoken since... She refuses help...and I would never go back to that...ever...so much is wrong with her...so many issues...I couldn't do it...just couldn't 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Your wife has some disorder and/or is mentally ill, seems she's hid it well for a long time. I feel for you and her kids, she's made a mess of your and their lives. You were stable and there for them, and now they lose that because of her stupid, selfish actions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author deg20 Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 Your wife has some disorder and/or is mentally ill, seems she's hid it well for a long time. I feel for you and her kids, she's made a mess of your and their lives. You were stable and there for them, and now they lose that because of her stupid, selfish actions. Many, many have stated she has some sort of disorder or mental issue...and I now believe that. i was stable for them sure...the only stability they had. They are older now, but the two oldest are still damaged...the youngest, 16, is the soundest...I entered his life at 6 and grew the closest to him... And when you say she hid it well?...I never believed it until now...I see it now...and it's kind of bitter sweet, really, in a weird way... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Sorry to hear you're going through this but I'm glad you're moving on. "Fifty Shades of F'ed Up" and your acquaintance "Rasputin" can go live their little messed up lives. You live yours in peace my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deg20 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 Thanks. It's been a year now ( April 2 ), and I'm still not fixed. There are so many layers...the breakup/marriage gone, the sex addict stuff, the lies/deceit/betrayal, wondering if she was genuine at the start or was she just a facade, who else/what other friends,was her past lies?, and on and on... Can't trust, can't try right now to meet people, no ego, memories are vivid still...etc. etc. Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Thanks. It's been a year now ( April 2 ), and I'm still not fixed. There are so many layers...the breakup/marriage gone, the sex addict stuff, the lies/deceit/betrayal, wondering if she was genuine at the start or was she just a facade, who else/what other friends,was her past lies?, and on and on... Can't trust, can't try right now to meet people, no ego, memories are vivid still...etc. etc. You are in a bad situation, but it will only improve. It will. However, this man helped me tremendously. Maybe he can help you too. *shrug* (This is his latest but he has numerous vids.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author deg20 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 Sorry to hear you're going through this but I'm glad you're moving on. "Fifty Shades of F'ed Up" and your acquaintance "Rasputin" can go live their little messed up lives. You live yours in peace my friend. He lives out of province. Visited twice since our sep to visit family, and she slept with him both times. He was the go-to guy to get advice from in her eyes, because I think she knew he'd easily point out my faults. He's done this to other couples when he lived in town, and actually broke them up too, just because he gets off on this in some sick way. He's always been single, so... There was nothing in it for him except a romp when he came to visit and a sort of "Jamestown' empowerment. And when he lived here ( he left three years ago ), he was on my ball team and i actually grew up with him. But, my ex did tell a friend of mine, who relayed this later to me, that after sep when texting him and befriending him that she always felt sexual tension and energy around him when he came over or we were in a group while we were married... I saw her sexting him a nude pick a few weeks after sep as i was still in the house living there...nightie off and "click"...I opened the bedroom door and saw it...closed it gently and threw up...she still doesn't know I saw this... Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 It is not about "him," he is not got her under any hypnotic spell. It is all about HER, and her lifestyle choices. This guy did not have the power to turn her into what she is, she did it all by herself -- voluntarily, and her bizarre contact extends way beyond any relationship with this man. It could not have happened overnight. I bet if you contacted your carriers, and ordered up 5 or 6 years worth of detailed cell phone records, you will find some big surprises. I did this very thing, and it was a big wake-up "call," and completely worth the $110 fee. Just an idea. Even with the years of the cell records in hand, it still took me awhile to digest it, come to terms and process the findings, and, then, believe what was there. A long while. Yas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonBanana Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 It did not turn into this because of 'one back stabber'. It turned into this because your wife seems to be having a mental episode. This could be a physiological problem, such as a massive hormonal imbalance or any number of things that make an individual change so radically. I hope she sees a doctor for her sake, but this is going to eat you up until you separate yourself not only from this woman entirely, but also the choices she has made. I do not believe she is of her right mind at the moment. Maybe she was at one point, but these behaviours are not that of a healthy-minded person. With some distance and time, you will start to realise, that there is nothing you can do. You love her, obviously, but something is not right with her and you can not fix it or try to rationalise it without driving yourself mad in the process. I wish the best for you, I bet this has blind sighted you like nothing before. Please be good to yourself through out this period of confusion by recognising what is no longer your issue and take good care to move yourself out of this toxic situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deg20 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 It did not turn into this because of 'one back stabber'. It turned into this because your wife seems to be having a mental episode. This could be a physiological problem, such as a massive hormonal imbalance or any number of things that make an individual change so radically. I hope she sees a doctor for her sake, but this is going to eat you up until you separate yourself not only from this woman entirely, but also the choices she has made. I do not believe she is of her right mind at the moment. Maybe she was at one point, but these behaviours are not that of a healthy-minded person. With some distance and time, you will start to realise, that there is nothing you can do. You love her, obviously, but something is not right with her and you can not fix it or try to rationalise it without driving yourself mad in the process. I wish the best for you, I bet this has blind sighted you like nothing before. Please be good to yourself through out this period of confusion by recognising what is no longer your issue and take good care to move yourself out of this toxic situation. ...excellent advice and input. Yes, maybe it was a "phase' caused by a physiological episode,hormonal, or mental issue...many have said, including a sexologist/psychiatrist i spoke to that this is one of the most extreme case of sex addiction he has seen. Anyway, she is a month or so into a relationship after all this wild sex...heard through other parties...but she may still be doing this stuff or may not be. not my problem and i wash my hands. i continue to heal and try to accept what she became... Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 please tell me she doesn't live here in Alberta. My ex always dressed to the 9's every time she came begging me for financial help, always wanted to show me what I couldn't have anymore. The best way to deal with this kind of woman is to live an amazing life without her. Stop all contact with her and always be going to the Bahama's or Europe whenever she decides to rub more trash in your face. She thinks that being easy means she's something special, totally misguided. What really kills someone like her is next time she comes over and brags about the threesome she had last weekend, tell her about the amazing sophisticated woman you are now seeing. They hate it when you move on specially if you've met someone with more class and looks than them. Cheaters are the most jealous people on the planet. If you really want to piss her off, leak it to one of your mutual friends than go dark on her. Stop all contact with her, change your number, give it to everyone but her. She is your ex for a reason, she will never be your friend. All these people are getting your leftovers, who cares what they do with her, move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deg20 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 It is the medication that is making her do all these things. People change for the worse while under the influence of antidepressants. Is she taking an SSRI type of anti depressant? I would recommend googling antidepressants and love. Also' date=' if you know the medication she is on, read the prescribing information and you will see why she is acting the way she is.[/quote'] i do not know the type of antidepressant...possibly lorazopam???...don't quite remember...and it's been changed numerous times since we met. add to that thyroid med, sleeping pill, and anxiety pill... I'd love to blame the meds, but I truly think it's that PLUS a series of other issues... Link to post Share on other sites
Author deg20 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 please tell me she doesn't live here in Alberta. My ex always dressed to the 9's every time she came begging me for financial help, always wanted to show me what I couldn't have anymore. The best way to deal with this kind of woman is to live an amazing life without her. Stop all contact with her and always be going to the Bahama's or Europe whenever she decides to rub more trash in your face. She thinks that being easy means she's something special, totally misguided. What really kills someone like her is next time she comes over and brags about the threesome she had last weekend, tell her about the amazing sophisticated woman you are now seeing. They hate it when you move on specially if you've met someone with more class and looks than them. Cheaters are the most jealous people on the planet. If you really want to piss her off, leak it to one of your mutual friends than go dark on her. Stop all contact with her, change your number, give it to everyone but her. She is your ex for a reason, she will never be your friend. All these people are getting your leftovers, who cares what they do with her, move on. During our sep, she said, "I hope you meet a nice girl...then I'll be off the hook"...???...she wanted details of MY sexual exploits during sep, but I truly had none...no one night stands, hook ups...nothing...but she kept asking...she was seriously hooked on sex like never I've seen. Sure, we had a great sex life, but she was having threesomes during the week, and weekends. What I still have trouble getting past is that she fooled around with other women during the threesomes...never one on one with a woman, so is she bi sexual all of a sudden???...she said she does stuff with women because she loves to turn the guy on!...and she's NEVER showed signs of being interested in women throughout my marriage...she even sent me a pic of her down on a woman...as i downloaded the image it was instantly there in front of me...didnt know what it was til it opened...this was disturbing... Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Here is a story that might help you. A guy goes to the doctor because his foot is killing him. It hurts like he--. The doctor examines his foot and asks the injured man, "what has happened to your foot?" The man with the sore foot responds, by explaining, "I've been hitting my foot with a hammer everyday this week." The doctor then provides the suffering man a cure for his painful foot: "You need to stop hammering your foot, and it will start feeling better." Please, you must STOP opening photos, emails, jpegs, texts, letters, phone calls, and/or smoke signals from this woman. You don't really need to see anything else. Have a trusted third party (like your attorney) collect these materials as evidence for you. Do not open them yourself, let the paralegal take care of this, or a trusted friend. Do not talk to her anymore. It is a waste of time and complete torture unless you are recording it for evidence (if that is legal where you live). You are not recording the convos for evidence. This is what I think you are doing: I believe you are searching for answers, explanations, clues, maybe even "closure." You are not going to achieve any of the aforementioned by talking to this woman in the state she is in -- she is messing with your mind, for who knows what reason. What she is doing is SICK and SADISTIC. SHE is solely responsible for her own conduct, and for currently torturing you, NOT LORAZAPAM.. Please, stop hammering your foot. Yas 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author deg20 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Here is a story that might help you. A guy goes to the doctor because his foot is killing him. It hurts like he--. The doctor examines his foot and asks the injured man, "what has happened to your foot?" The man with the sore foot responds, by explaining, "I've been hitting my foot with a hammer everyday this week." The doctor then provides the suffering man a cure for his painful foot: "You need to stop hammering your foot, and it will start feeling better." Please, you must STOP opening photos, emails, jpegs, texts, letters, phone calls, and/or smoke signals from this woman. You don't really need to see anything else. Have a trusted third party (like your attorney) collect these materials as evidence for you. Do not open them yourself, let the paralegal take care of this, or a trusted friend. Do not talk to her anymore. It is a waste of time and complete torture unless you are recording it for evidence (if that is legal where you live). You are not recording the convos for evidence. This is what I think you are doing: I believe you are searching for answers, explanations, clues, maybe even "closure." You are not going to achieve any of the aforementioned by talking to this woman in the state she is in -- she is messing with your mind, for who knows what reason. What she is doing is SICK and SADISTIC. SHE is solely responsible for her own conduct, and for currently torturing you, NOT LORAZAPAM.. Please, stop hammering your foot. Yas Yes...I have stopped hammering. There has been no contact for over a month, and it's helping. and I was looking for answers and closure but I now realize there isnt any of this to be had...Im trying to erase all the torture and hurtful things said by her, and seen by me, and move on...and I'm starting, thanks to this site and finally reading advice from you and others. I have no reason, and no ties anymore. Im off the house, I have my money...it's done. Time to stop being haunted by the why's and free my mind...thanks for the analogy...it's so true. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Yes...I have stopped hammering. There has been no contact for over a month, and it's helping. and I was looking for answers and closure but I now realize there isnt any of this to be had...Im trying to erase all the torture and hurtful things said by her, and seen by me, and move on...and I'm starting, thanks to this site and finally reading advice from you and others. I have no reason, and no ties anymore. Im off the house, I have my money...it's done. Time to stop being haunted by the why's and free my mind...thanks for the analogy...it's so true. I stole the analogy from Homer McDonald. But I put my own spin on it! You will be OK. Just get that 3rd party to open the jpegs. I completely understand what you're going through. If I had the data I would be compelled to do the same thing. I almost wish I did have it. In a way, I do. All I have to do is apply my common sense. Keep posting, and I'll keep busting you! Yas Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 the girl who is the most fun wins. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 the girl who is the most fun wins. Oh, dear. If there is no one to brag to, that might take some of the "fun" out of the equation! Yas Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 During our sep, she said, "I hope you meet a nice girl...then I'll be off the hook"...???...she wanted details of MY sexual exploits during sep, but I truly had none...no one night stands, hook ups...nothing...but she kept asking...she was seriously hooked on sex like never I've seen. Sure, we had a great sex life, but she was having threesomes during the week, and weekends. What I still have trouble getting past is that she fooled around with other women during the threesomes...never one on one with a woman, so is she bi sexual all of a sudden???...she said she does stuff with women because she loves to turn the guy on!...and she's NEVER showed signs of being interested in women throughout my marriage...she even sent me a pic of her down on a woman...as i downloaded the image it was instantly there in front of me...didnt know what it was til it opened...this was disturbing... It's over, send copies to her family. She is not your problem anymore, you dogged a bullet. Time to go dark on her. Link to post Share on other sites
health Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Since you don't have kids with her, If I were you I'd go no contact and never talk to her again. Her legacy is a joke. Also be careful to not become a "cuckold" if you don't want to be one. I almost became intrigued by my ex dating other guys cause my brain was twisting so much. Ultimately it became a crazy obsession I never new existed - until I decided was better than that. Stand up for yourself you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
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