shell_fish Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Last night my bf of four years didn't want to go in to work, so I did his job for him at a mutual friend's office. On the desktop of the computer, was a file with his name on it. Inside were a couple of docs pertaining to work, but mostly it was documentation of his version of our arguments. There was a voice recording that he had made of me with his phone, sent it to his email, and uploaded it to the work computer where anyone could listen to it. It was of me crying, and saying that I felt so alone because I'm estranged from my family and don't really have friends. My family was abusive and are addicts, so I don't talk to them. He was being all nice on the recording because he was acting for his hidden camera. He's usually not like that. He's usually quite cruel and hurtful. I don't know why he did that, or how many ppl he showed it to. I deleted it. He apologized, and said he wanted to have me hear it later. I don't buy it. I feel violated, that I can't trust him, and don't want to talk to him about anything beyond small talk. It feels that I don't have anyone to talk to at all now. I think a partner should be a confidant, and I don't see him as someone I can trust at all with anything. He says it won't happen again. I wonder how many other files he has of me uoaded somewbere . I'm looking for thoughts or advice. It is over,isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Especially if he's not as nice as he was on that recording, he's setting you up for something. Proceed with extreme caution. I'd also start recording your interactions with him too until you can get away from him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 End it now.... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I am so sorry this has happened to you. It is a betrayal of trust and he does seem to have an ulterior motive. I would move away from him as quickly as you can while remaining safe and secure. You can't maintain a relationship with someone you can't trust. There is no plausible explanation for him doing that to you. Time to go. After you are away from him maybe you could see a therapist to help heal your past and present pain. It is a lot for a person to deal with alone and you shouldn't have to. You may want to stay because he is your only support at the moment but once you have time to regain strength, people who deserve your trust and love will come into your life. Please take care of yourself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 We can write long posts full of sound advice, but the best one you've received yet, is CarrieT's. "End it NOW". That's all that needs saying. No questions, no explanations, no clarification or justification. End it. Now. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I have seen advice from time to time suggesting that folks with an abusive or psychotic SO record that SO for various reasons, be it defense against a false DV charge, to let the person know what they sound like if there's a lot of denial involved, or what have you. Probably good advice depending on the circumstances. But that doesn't sound like the deal here. I have no idea what he may be up to, but it sounds creepy and maybe just a little bit evil. But to give this guy just the slightest benefit of the doubt, how did you come across on the tape (video, right?) Were you abusive in any way? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 trust me, an abused child all grown up... you wiill feel better with a fun and loving partner, the two traits in one guy, i am saying, which is not this recording guy one day, this relationship will barely be rememberable, except as cringewworthy, but you are poised to learn a lot xx 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shell_fish Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 I have seen advice from time to time suggesting that folks with an abusive or psychotic SO record that SO for various reasons, be it defense against a false DV charge, But to give this guy just the slightest benefit of the doubt, how did you come across on the tape (video, right?) Were you abusive in any way? It was on the desktop of a computer that I used while working a job he normally does at a friend' s office- an audio file. I wasn't abusing him, and I don't abuse him. I was crying and talking about how alone I felt. He was fake consoling, because his recorder was on. It started out as his footsteps bringing the phone inside his pocket. Like he saw an opportunity to record when he saw me upset. He knows I've been thinking of leaving. He has no reason to believe I'd try to falsley charge him with anything. He knows my relationship with ex husband, and I'm not like that. We have a child together. I think he was possibly trying to make me seem unstable or show his friends 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 It was on the desktop of a computer that I used while working a job he normally does at a friend' s office- an audio file. I wasn't abusing him, and I don't abuse him. I was crying and talking about how alone I felt. He was fake consoling, because his recorder was on. It started out as his footsteps bringing the phone inside his pocket. Like he saw an opportunity to record when he saw me upset. He knows I've been thinking of leaving. He has no reason to believe I'd try to falsley charge him with anything. He knows my relationship with ex husband, and I'm not like that. We have a child together. I think he was possibly trying to make me seem unstable or show his friends Then what he did is utterly indefensible, and you need to give some hard thought as to whether this is a relationship worth keeping. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Your relationship is broken. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Yes, it's over. Get out now. He sounds truly awful. Grab your child and RUN. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shell_fish Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 I am so sorry this has happened to you. It is a betrayal of trust and he does seem to have an ulterior motive. I would move away from him as quickly as you can while remaining safe and secure. You can't maintain a relationship with someone you can't trust. There is no plausible explanation for him doing that to you. Time to go. After you are away from him maybe you could see a therapist to help heal your past and present pain. It is a lot for a person to deal with alone and you shouldn't have to. You may want to stay because he is your only support at the moment but once you have time to regain strength, people who deserve your trust and love will come into your life. Please take care of yourself. Thank you, that helps a lot 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I wonder what happened to him somewhere along the way... Sadly, there are some men out there who are so paranoid and jaded, they assume and expect the worst and treat their SO's accordingly. If you knows you are thinking of leaving, he IS probably trying to build some secret case of something. But for a normal person with human emotion, crying is NOT unstable. I'd check into your state's laws on secret recording. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 We have a child together. You have a child together with the recording guy? If that's the case, he may have indeed been gathering ammo for a custody arrangement, if he's considering splitting up. Where do you live? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 He was being all nice on the recording because he was acting for his hidden camera. He's usually not like that. He's usually quite cruel and hurtful. Please end your relationship with your live-in boyfriend. He's scummy and not a nice person, he's cruel to you and has betrayed your trust. What he did was calculated and done on purpose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 You have a child together with the recording guy? If that's the case, he may have indeed been gathering ammo for a custody arrangement, if he's considering splitting up. Where do you live? Yes, good thinking. The crazy, mad, unstable mother unable to look after herself never mind the child and the Oh so sensitive, caring man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shell_fish Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 You have a child together with the recording guy? If that's the case, he may have indeed been gathering ammo for a custody arrangement, if he's considering splitting up. Where do you live? Detroit area Link to post Share on other sites
Author shell_fish Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 Yes, good thinking. The crazy, mad, unstable mother unable to look after herself never mind the child and the Oh so sensitive, caring man. That's the picture he does paint for all his family and friends, and I actually work in mental health, and am respected at work. But he shares one sided fake stories to make himself look good to people who've known him way longer then me, and will unquestionably take his side. He's putting together his "evidence" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 just do not fret too much, imo, ex-abused ppl tend to get used to feeling bad when growing up, so fretting and feeling bad are second nature, instead plan a new chapter, towards where you want to be in a year, say, move on Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Detroit area Pertinent State of Michigan Law: 750.539c Eavesdropping upon private conversation. Sec. 539c. Any person who is present or who is not present during a private conversation and who wilfully uses any device to eavesdrop upon the conversation without the consent of all parties thereto, or who knowingly aids, employs or procures another person to do the same in violation of this section, is guilty of a felony punishable by imprisonment in a state prison for not more than 2 years or by a fine of not more than $2,000.00, or both. Michigan definition of eavesdropping: 750.539a Definitions. (2) “Eavesdrop” or “eavesdropping” means to overhear, record, amplify or transmit any part of the private discourse of others without the permission of all persons engaged in the discourse. Neither this definition or any other provision of this act shall modify or affect any law or regulation concerning interception, divulgence or recording of messages transmitted by communications common carriers. Can you get the file back by any chance? I don't expect this would likely go anywhere, but I'd hang onto the file and maybe wag this statute in his face and imply that you have the hammer now. Then leave him in the dust because he's a turd, regardless of what he wanted it for. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lunay Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 This is so disturbing! It definitely sounds like he is recording things to try and use them against you, knowing you are probably going to leave. What a creepo. I don't blame you for no longer trusting him, that is a major breach! What is your plan? Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 This is scary. Get out now! I'm so sorry... Link to post Share on other sites
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