Comment on these signs !

[deg20]

After my wife left,...which was due to her leaving because she "didn't want to be married anymore and other reasons...after 9 years mind you, she became a total sex addict almost overnight, involved in threesomes with strangers, having sex with strangers, rampant sex,sexting etc...she ran the gambit. All this after sep, but I'm almost sure there was infidelity before this. The signs were there...texting non stop, no sex for months, no intimacy, avoiding me, etc.

In hindsight, there were a few things she told me throughout the years, and some things I regarded on my own, that I'd like some feedback on...are these true signs of the person she was/is, or...?

1. Kissing my attractive friends on the lips when she met them. I told her how this made me uncomfortable, and denied she did it even though I stood beside her every time it happened.

2. She told me when she was 18, she slept with the guy whose house she was renting a room from when his wife left to go shopping.

3. At 14, she went to a basketball camp and went back to one of the coaches rooms and "fooled around" with him...he was in his 20's.

4. Told me her ex husband of 12 years, who was abusive ( truly ), always claimed she was cheating on him at the end...I never ever heard his side of this story..only hers and her families, saying he's "crazy".

5. About a month before she left me, she was constantly texting more and more. One night she said she was going to bed because she was tired. Half an hour later, I went into the bedroom...she was up...light on...texting. When I said I thought you were tired, she replied back angry and defensive.

6. After she left me, I found out she began fooling around with a teacher from her school that she always said was flirting with her while we were married...she actually went to his class during lunch and fooled around with him ( heard this through others )...and blew the janitor, who was married, in his office...same day!

7. The night we met, she took me home...had sex...and asked me if I wanted her to drive me home.. I chose to stay...moved in 6 months later, and married her 5 months after that. She put me on her mortgage ONLY when she needed my income to combine with hers to help her refinance the mortgage...

8. After breakup, she told me I should have stayed a "renter", and that marrying me was a mistake...told me all the flowers I sent to her school every valentines day was a waste, and I was just trying to look good in front of her work friends.

...there are more, but was I naïve, or can someone post the weight of these signs and how relevant they were to the demise of my marriage

[rockyrockerson]

After my wife left,...which was due to her leaving because she "didn't want to be married anymore and other reasons...after 9 years mind you, she became a total sex addict almost overnight, involved in threesomes with strangers, having sex with strangers, rampant sex,sexting etc...she ran the gambit. All this after sep, but I'm almost sure there was infidelity before this. The signs were there...texting non stop, no sex for months, no intimacy, avoiding me, etc.

In hindsight, there were a few things she told me throughout the years, and some things I regarded on my own, that I'd like some feedback on...are these true signs of the person she was/is, or...?

1. Kissing my attractive friends on the lips when she met them. I told her how this made me uncomfortable, and denied she did it even though I stood beside her every time it happened.

2. She told me when she was 18, she slept with the guy whose house she was renting a room from when his wife left to go shopping.

3. At 14, she went to a basketball camp and went back to one of the coaches rooms and "fooled around" with him...he was in his 20's.

4. Told me her ex husband of 12 years, who was abusive ( truly ), always claimed she was cheating on him at the end...I never ever heard his side of this story..only hers and her families, saying he's "crazy".

5. About a month before she left me, she was constantly texting more and more. One night she said she was going to bed because she was tired. Half an hour later, I went into the bedroom...she was up...light on...texting. When I said I thought you were tired, she replied back angry and defensive.

6. After she left me, I found out she began fooling around with a teacher from her school that she always said was flirting with her while we were married...she actually went to his class during lunch and fooled around with him ( heard this through others )...and blew the janitor, who was married, in his office...same day!

7. The night we met, she took me home...had sex...and asked me if I wanted her to drive me home.. I chose to stay...moved in 6 months later, and married her 5 months after that. She put me on her mortgage ONLY when she needed my income to combine with hers to help her refinance the mortgage...

8. After breakup, she told me I should have stayed a "renter", and that marrying me was a mistake...told me all the flowers I sent to her school every valentines day was a waste, and I was just trying to look good in front of her work friends.

...there are more, but was I naïve, or can someone post the weight of these signs and how relevant they were to the demise of my marriage

If you actually saw her with your own eyes and then she vehemently denies it, that's your sign right there. The rest of this is just supporting text. If someone is willing to lie about something she KNOWS that you saw her do, it's hard to say that it would end just with that.

The texting and defensiveness is also a classic sign of cheating. There's always the chance that she was unhappy and texting her friends about how unhappy she was, but it's hard to pick that one considering all the other information provided.

[Yasuandio]

I think it is a good idea for you to continue documenting these "signs," for your own reflection, "reality-checks," and growth.

 

Perhaps you were naive, whatever, it is done. You can only move forward from here. To psychoanalysis the who, what, when, how, why, how many times, etc., is most likely unproductive at this point.

 

It might be a better approach to ask yourself WHY you feel this conduct was something tolerable for however long you tolerated it. Additionally, I would ask yourself, WHY you need further validation that your wife's conduct (sexting, becoming a sex addict overnight via threesomes, etc.), might contribute to the demise of your marriage.

 

Of course, the aforementioned conduct would destroy most any marriage. And too, avoiding you, and denying you attention and intimacy while this totally unacceptable "extra-marital" sexual exploits go on, and a complete and utter outrage. There is no doubt about that.

 

That's my take. Hope this helps. Yas

[No Limit]

She cheated constantly and grew bored in the marriage and wanted to get out. Get the book "No more Mr Nice Guy".