seattleguy Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Well thanks for reading. So here's my problem. I'm starting to feel my gf is having an on going affair at work. The gut feeling is there, among many other signs. But maybe it's coincidence. So my gf sex drive has dramaticly dropped. I've also seen her coming home from work w either really messy hair, or recently fixed up. I've been noticing large amount of residue in her panties, and at first I thought it was due to an infection but started noticing its like that 2-3 days a week. Other days just normal amounts. I asked her about it one day, she said just an infection, but then started noticing she was "hiding" her panties in the bottom of the laundry bin? If it's natural, why hide them? But the infection has been going on for a few months now. Can that happen from Her having sex during the day and letting the sperm sit in Her vagina all afternoon? Her vag has been much looser lately as well. Can infection cause that? Its loose enough to where I can't achieve orgasm, but here's the thing.. I'm not very small. Over 7 long and 6 wide. I'm just really confused. We're only having sex once a week or so. The other day she shaved down there and said she was doing it for me, but then never even let me see or touch it till 4-5 days later. Didn't seem like she did it for me.. The last time we had sex I also noticed quite a bit of the infection on the outside of her vagina. Around the lips and stuff, is that normal, or would that only happen during sex? How do I ask her about this stuff without completely embarrassing her. What else can I look for that would be more definite? Please help. I feel like I'm going crazy!! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 As for her vagina looking infected is from the shaving......if she doesn't do this normally then it's normal to have bumps and inflammation. Change in he behavior is proof enough. You need to confront her promptly. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Most would say check her phone and emails.....that's up to you to confirm infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 No offense, but how is it you notice a "large amount of residue" in her panties on an ongoing basis? Also, what exactly is the residue - menstrual discharge or "cream/juice/squirt"/other arousal-related substance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author seattleguy Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 For the most part, phones clean. Maybe a few deleted texts but nothing sufficient. She's smarter than that though. I'm pretty sure it's with a married guy, so there's no corresponding between the two except while at work. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Test her underwear for semen, you can get a kit and test her underwear yourself. You can see a video on how it works on YouTube. Hiding her underwear at the bottom of laundry basket is what my ex did, big red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seattleguy Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 It's thick and white. And covers most the entire crotch of the panties. But on other days, very little. Trust me I know how crazy it sounds to be noticing her underwear but we share hampers so it happens. I never thought much of it till I noticed she was taking them off and burying them in the bottom of the hamper. Maybe embarassed but looks like she's trying to hide them. Whatever you call vaginal secretion. I've only recently started to notice it. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Get the kit. Wear protection until you can prove or disprove your gut. If the substance is sperm, that's proof she is having unprotected sex with someone. You need to track the days you have sex with her so you know if it's yours. If she suspects your checking she will start to hide her things in the trunk of her car or seldom used areas in the garage or apartment/house(my ex hid underwear in coat pockets of coats she no longer wore but kept in an extra bedroom closet) and start doing laundry when your not around. You will know something is up if she keeps a carryon bag with a change of clothes in her trunk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Well thanks for reading. So here's my problem. I'm starting to feel my gf is having an on going affair at work. The gut feeling is there, among many other signs. But maybe it's coincidence. So my gf sex drive has dramaticly dropped. I've also seen her coming home from work w either really messy hair, or recently fixed up. I've been noticing large amount of residue in her panties, and at first I thought it was due to an infection but started noticing its like that 2-3 days a week. Other days just normal amounts. I asked her about it one day, she said just an infection, but then started noticing she was "hiding" her panties in the bottom of the laundry bin? If it's natural, why hide them? But the infection has been going on for a few months now. Can that happen from Her having sex during the day and letting the sperm sit in Her vagina all afternoon? Her vag has been much looser lately as well. Can infection cause that? Its loose enough to where I can't achieve orgasm, but here's the thing.. I'm not very small. Over 7 long and 6 wide. I'm just really confused. We're only having sex once a week or so. The other day she shaved down there and said she was doing it for me, but then never even let me see or touch it till 4-5 days later. Didn't seem like she did it for me.. The last time we had sex I also noticed quite a bit of the infection on the outside of her vagina. Around the lips and stuff, is that normal, or would that only happen during sex? How do I ask her about this stuff without completely embarrassing her. What else can I look for that would be more definite? Please help. I feel like I'm going crazy!! There is enough empircal evidence here to support your gut. There are two ways to go about this. First I would simply explain that you are concerned about the infection and that it's lasted so long and wonder if it's uncomfortable for her and suggest going to the doctor if she hasn't already. This is simply being supportive. If she is evasive or makes excuses or says she won't go to the doctor, I'd leave it be for a little while and continue to observe her behavior and the progress of the infection. If it doesn't improve then I would do the following. You open a casual, non-confrontational conversation and say something like "I love you and respect our relationship and feel that we have been moving in a good direction. How do you feel about the way things are between us?" That should tap into her conscience a little but is non-accusatory. If she is evasive or doesn't want to talk about this either, you may have to be more direct about your concerns. But take the safe route first. Be prepared though for some kind of confession or break down at some point though, because if she is having an affair you opening that second conversation should cause her some concern. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 The real indicator is the drop in sexual interest and her desire to start shaving.....these are the changes you look for. Other things are deleted messages, hiding or taking the phone with them to the bathroom, coming home late, stop undressing in front of you, emotionally distracted or distant, dressing sexier, more focus on appearance like losing weight, working out, changing hair style, spending more time of makeup, new clothing, etc. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Sorry if this is gross, but is it thick and white when dry? And does it, um, smell like the familiar scent of arousal? Probably is, and that means yeah, she's getting sexually worked up during the day. Red flag. It doesn't necessarily mean penetrative sex tho unless you also detect semen in there (which you should be familiar with). Women can produce a fairly voluminous amount of "juice" just from arousal, albeit rather intense arousal. So other possibilities are intense flirting, pu$sy play, etc. Also, one of the tell-tale signs of a cheat is a sudden and unexplained change in personal upkeep. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Sounds like a cheater alright, her dropping the sex completely is pretty typical. Confront and break up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 She is up to something. No doubt about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KimmyBee Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 The gut is usually right. There is enough evidence there to confront her. Be prepared for her denying it. I say trust your gut. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 The under wear is inconclusive evidence. Unless you're going too test the under wear for semen which is not necessary IMO. It can also be inconclusive because if you could get a positive test from your own semen. The loosening up could be happening for numerous reasons. She might just starting to get comfortable with you in the bedroom thus her muscles are relaxing. This can take months for some women or even years for some women. She might also be masturbating more frequently or with a big toy that you know nothing about. The drop in sex clearly shows that something is wrong with the relationship. It's a sign she is cheating but is not conclusive evidence of it. Your goal needs to be to get to the bottom of what is going on. You don't want to do this in a fashion that will push her away. That means you don't want too be out there looking for her to be cheating. This type of behavior will push her away from you, especially if she is not cheating. If she is cheating that type of behavior will just make her hide it better. You need to make an honest assessment of everything. Has her routine changed? Meaning is she suddenly staying late at work or going to work early? Is she being distant in other ways? Disconnected or uninterested? Is she emotionally unstable or erratic? Cheating is stressful this can lead to extremes in emotions. Buying new clothes and not wearing that clothing for you? Is she becoming overly critical of you? Typically cheaters will feel guilt for their actions. This means they will become critical of you in an attempt to justify their actions. These are all big signs cheating is going on. Your gut is also a big sign of it. Do you have access too her phone? If so is it an iPhone? If she is using an iPhone go into settings, then go into privacy, then go into location services, now go into system services. Finally under Frequent locations you can get a list of their frequent locations. Click on the city and it will give you a list of the locations they have recently visited. This is fairly accurate. I suggest you play with it on your phone a bit before you go into hers. You need to understand how it works and what you are doing. If she does not have an iPhone but uses another type of smart phone I'm fairly confident they all have some form of location services. Maybe you should borrow a friends car or ride a bike or find some way to see what happens when she leaves work.. Just stop by every now and then but make sure you are not seen. Be calm and use your brain, do not let emotions get in the way. Wait until you see her with the guy if you don't catch her red handed in the next 2-3 weeks then ask straight out what is going on? Tell her you just want her to be honest with you and you want to know why there is disconnect in the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Yes, I'm afraid to say that there is a very high probability of cheating going on here. Hiding underwear, an "infection" that she isn't even bothering to treat, sudden drop in desire for you, and a new "haircut"... all pointers that there is a 3rd party involved here. Definitely time for you to do some detective work. Check her phone, social media, etc. If that's clear then a VAR in her car, keylogger on PC. There is definitely something going on here and you need to find out what it is, without raising her suspicion. The alternative is to go in guns blazing and say that you KNOW something is going on, and simply refuse to accept "no" as an answer. Say you have proof (even though you don't) but refuse to say what that proof is until she confesses. It's high risk and needs balls of steel but it can work. Just whatever you do, don't go half cocked. Don't simply ask her if anything is going on. You will alert her and she will take it totally underground. You need to go stealthy like Batman or all-in like Wolverine. No middle ground. Link to post Share on other sites
Erised Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 The behaviour is suspicious but I wonder about the "loose" Sex doesn't make your vagina looser. That sounds like middle school boy who doesn't know any better, and makes me think your suspicions are impacting your perception. Sexual arousal does loosen up and comfort, to some degree, but not sexual activity _ that is a myth. So how much is suspicion creating evidence and how much is evidence creating suspicion, I wonder. Link to post Share on other sites
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