Thoughts on teen staying @ hotel after prom

[Echo74]

My son will be going to his senior prom next month. He and about 8-9 others wanted to rent a limo but because it's cost prohibitive, they are thinking about staying overnight at the hotel where the prom will be held. At this point, everything is up in the air, so I have no idea if a parent will be staying in another room in the same hotel. They don't even know who is be allowed to stay overnight. My guess is someone's parent will have to at least do the check in. I told my son that unless a parent plans to stay overnight in the hotel, I am not comfortable with him staying overnight. And if there is a parent staying, I would need to speak with that parent first. He blew up at me and said that he's "18 and he can't do anything" and that other parents are okay with it. From past experience, I know he just makes assumptions about these things. Also from past experience, I know that teenagers will tell their friends things that are not necessarily true. I am not able to stay due financial situation because of my impending D.

 

What are your thoughts on this? Is it okay for a bunch of teenagers to stay overnight at a hotel with no parent at least down the hall?

[amaysngrace]

Yea I think it's okay. In a few months he'll be off to college and then what?

 

You may as well get use to the idea...you're heading there anyway.

 

Just remind him that now he's 18 everything he does he will be held accountable for.

[Poppyolive]

I agree with above poster. Loosen the leash, so to speak. It may be really difficult. You'll just have to trust that he knows right from wrong. Also, hotel staff won't tolerate crazy shenanigans.

 

I remember my prom I was 17. We had an open bar. All went bowling at 3am. Home at 6am.

[xxoo]

I'm a little concerned about the "he blew up at me" part. But he does need to grow up, as he is 18 now.

 

Have you talked to him over the years about alcohol, drugs, safer sex, date rape, etc? If so, and you trust him to make good choices, let him go. My friends an I rented a hotel room at the beach for a whole week right after graduation, and I was still 17. We didn't get hurt, arrested, or pregnant

[Tayla]

Who is legally responsible for them if a health concern arises when alone at the hotel? The hotel wouldn't keep a Call parent card on file. Sorry but I would nix that idea and tell him to be home and be a proper gent and bring the lady home in a respectable time frame. You are doing him no favors by giving into his not yet matured decision making.

[d0nnivain]

It's a right of passage but because of the bad reputation this night holds, the hotels don't want to deal with drunken under age kids either. They have a Zero tolerance policy & will call the police at the slightest provocation so sadly I think there is a real risk your kid will end up in legal trouble but if you endeavor to prevent him from going you will end up with a kid who concludes you don't trust him.

 

 

My advice, let him go, without the "adult" chaperone because any parent stupid enough to accept the liability associated with allowing a bunch of teenagers to rent a hotel room is not the kind of person who is a good chaperone anyway.

 

 

Before he goes, sit down with him & talk about the laws in your state concerning underage drinking, possession of CDS & noise violations. If possible go on a family "field trip" to your local municipal court so your child can see the legal ramifications in action.

 

 

Then be prepared with bail money & a lawyer on speed dial. With that level of preparation you should not need them but better safe then sorry.

[Tayla]

OP-Is this event hosted by the HS? What are the hotel chains rules on renting to minors? What is involved in this rite of passage? Can you elaborate?

[Echo74]

Yea I think it's okay. In a few months he'll be off to college and then what?

 

You may as well get use to the idea...you're heading there anyway.

 

Just remind him that now he's 18 everything he does he will be held accountable for.

 

Well, in a few months he'll be in community college and still living in my house for at least two more years if not longer. So I'll still be supporting him for a good while but I know I cannot coddle him once he graduates HS. Wow, this is so difficult, especially being in my situation (husband left several months ago).

 

Who is legally responsible for them if a health concern arises when alone at the hotel? The hotel wouldn't keep a Call parent card on file. Sorry but I would nix that idea and tell him to be home and be a proper gent and bring the lady home in a respectable time frame. You are doing him no favors by giving into his not yet matured decision making.

 

That was part of my concern. We have had very candid discussions throughout his middle and high school years about dating, sex, money, drugs, alcohol (he's tried during a dinner outing with me & dad), smoking (which he has tried). He generally tells me everything, in fact sometimes I tell him "TMI" because sometimes he tell me things I really would rather not hear, ha, ha. My worry is more about the influence of others.

 

OP-Is this event hosted by the HS? What are the hotel chains rules on renting to minors? What is involved in this rite of passage? Can you elaborate?

 

The HS is hosting the prom at the hotel they would stay overnight at. I just checked and the minimum age for check in at this hotel is 18, there are at least three who are this age in his group. The prom will have dinner & dancing, then they want to "hang out" since it ends at 10:30 and this is a pretty special night being their first formal. I do dread the possibility of alcohol and/or drugs, but at the same time, yeah, he'll be graduating three weeks later.

 

 

 

His father and I are fairly conservative and he's had certain restrictions because of very poor academics for the past six years. But he is generally a thoughtful and loving kid. I mean, he gave me a homemade birthday card because his father had left the month before my birthday.

Edited April 10, 2015 by Echo74

[Tayla]

Echo- Your post does seem to come from a caring parent side. It does sound challenging and you are taking into account many factors. Good for you!

 

I raised my two sons, and oddly (which is why I asked), I never understood the concept of rite of passage when it came to Prom. They went, rented tux's and limos, and came home by 11:30 . What am I missing here , can you shed light on this slumber party after prom? What does your son convey or consider it to be? Maybe that is the key....

[ASG]

I went on a spring break trip, without any chaperones, to a different country, when I was 17.

 

I would think a hotel in your area won't be a problem. He is 18. And while that doesn't mean "he can do whatever he wants", it does mean that he shouldn't be treated like a child.

[veggirl]

omg 8 teenagers in a hotel room? that sounds like a nightmare. I pity their neighbors. Honestly I'd expect them to be kicked out by morning. I wouldn't let my kid go. Can't they sleep at one of the kids house?

[Echo74]

I spoke with my son last night and voiced my entire concern. He reiterate that none of them smoke or do drugs and they just want to continue to hang out that night because the prom ends "early" and they want to just hang out. Staying at the hotel would be half the cost of the limo rental for the entire night. He knows the consequences of getting "wild" in a hotel room and out in the city.

 

My sister feels that I should not prevent my son from doing this and that I need to show him that I trust his decision making since he is legally an adult and will be out in the world soon anyway.

[xxoo]

He is 18, and he's just about ready to graduate. You can't shelter forever! Many kids his age are moving to dorms in a few months, and will be making their own decisions about where to spend the night.

 

If he's earned the trust, give it to him. Honestly, we didn't have wild parties in hotel rooms at that age. We did have sex , but we were respectful of the other guests.

[Quiet Storm]

If he's a good kid, let him go. My son is 19 and in the past year has gone to prom, senior week and spring break with no problems.

[Methodical]

You have reached the point where you have to rely on all the years of parenting and values instilled along the way. It's not uncommon for a group of kids to get a hotel room and hang out after the event ends. Its kind of like their first "grownup" experience and they are ready to spread their wings. You've done a good job raising him, now you need to trust you did your job well.

[Echo74]

He is 18, and he's just about ready to graduate. You can't shelter forever! Many kids his age are moving to dorms in a few months, and will be making their own decisions about where to spend the night.

 

If he's earned the trust, give it to him. Honestly, we didn't have wild parties in hotel rooms at that age. We did have sex , but we were respectful of the other guests.

 

Thanks for the good laugh!

 

You have reached the point where you have to rely on all the years of parenting and values instilled along the way. It's not uncommon for a group of kids to get a hotel room and hang out after the event ends. Its kind of like their first "grownup" experience and they are ready to spread their wings. You've done a good job raising him, now you need to trust you did your job well.

 

 

I'm getting that. My husband is even more conservative than I am and he said he'd be willing to pick up our son at 3 a.m. I told him if it's okay to stay out till 3 a.m., he may as well just stay at the hotel.

[GemmaUK]

Let him stay at the hotel.

 

 

He is 18!!

 

 

When I was 16 years and er..3 months old my parents went on holiday for 2 weeks to another country.

My brother who is 7 years my senior was living 50 miles away.

 

 

I was fine, had no issues, actually spent the time rethinking a choice I had made about a college course and decided on my own not to do the course but to find a job instead. So I looked for a job, got an interview, got the job and on the Monday after they returned was my first day at work.

 

 

When they left I was all set to start a travel & tourism course. I did a lot of research while they were away into what would really be expected in a future role and I wasn't into it. This was 1986 and in any role (lierally any role) I would have been expected to wear 3 inch heels day in day out, heavy make up and have perfect manicures. Life means more to me that all of that just for a job/career.

14 days later when Mum & Dad returned I was full time employed with a computer imaging company doing their purchase ledger.

 

 

I didn't tell them straight off but just asked Dad casually if I could have a lift to work on Monday morning. They both did a double take and then both smiled so massively that all these years later I still remember the looks on their faces!

They were very proud of me for my choice and that I had not only not wrecked the house but had also had my first ever interview and got the job on my own. :

 

 

Let him do this, give him some trust.

After all, it's how we all learn to look after ourselves & take responsibility.

Edited April 11, 2015 by GemmaUK

[turnera]

If you can't trust him by this age, you may as well give up because you're never going to add much to his moral compass by now.

 

Let him go. Let him see you respecting and trusting him, so he will live UP to your expectations.

[Lion Heart]

Whenever I asked my mother if I could do something a bit "risky" (and it amounted to me being the designated driver - not drinking but entering a licensed premises at 17yo not 18yo here) she said "as long as you have the $500 in the bank to pay the fine". She was fine with it. I did but gained some sense of the risk to me and my bank account only! I only did it once.

 

If the kids are of legal age to stay, book and pay for these types of excursions themselves ie take FULL responsibility then I'd say it's up to them. Thanks for asking.

 

I'd also hear "the bells of warning" as a parent - as I call them to my children. Those bells remind me of my duty as a parent to have the DIFFICULT TALK again with my child.

Have the talk about unprotected sex. About how boys should ALWAYS use condoms and not believe a girl when she says she won't fall pregnant. Even on the pill I fell pregnant twice. Luckily I was married and we were happy. Do the whole gamut of poxy penis pictures after contracting STDs. It could be your last opportunity. But at least you've done your best as a parent.

 

Plus I'd speak directly with his mother. Ask her views. Share yours. Tell her you'll do the poxy pics talk. She may laugh and be fine with it too then!

 

Lion Heart.

[Echo74]

Well I'm letting it go. He's 18 and will graduate three weeks after the prom and I really don't need the stress of him arguing with me about being the only one not able to stay overnight. Right now I have enough to deal with being his dad left us a few months ago.

 

In any case, I've been VERY consistent with speaking to him about sex, drugs, alcohol and choices for the past 5-6 years so he knows better.

 

He has no "liquid" assets to speak of aside his small allowance so I'm paying for his portion of limo & hotel, but have told him HE needs to show responsibility because I won't pay for bail!

[turnera]

Well I'm letting it go. He's 18 and will graduate three weeks after the prom and I really don't need the stress of him arguing with me about being the only one not able to stay overnight. Right now I have enough to deal with being his dad left us a few months ago.

 

In any case, I've been VERY consistent with speaking to him about sex, drugs, alcohol and choices for the past 5-6 years so he knows better.

 

He has no "liquid" assets to speak of aside his small allowance so I'm paying for his portion of limo & hotel, but have told him HE needs to show responsibility because I won't pay for bail!

The best thing you can tell them - and follow through on - is to press that he WILL spend the time in jail unless he can get a friend to bail him out, because YOU WON'T.

 

 

Good job.