I don't think I am going to my sister's wedding

[Naive]

I was supposed to be my sister's maid of honor in her wedding next month but I don't think I will be anymore. She has been acting horrible with me and the rest of the family!! It seems that she forgets where sha came from, what our culture is!!! Yesterday she hurt me like never before and she has left a scar there.........

 

I am planning on telling her to choose one of the other girls but I feel bad. It's not as if she even wants me there.

[agnf666]

I'm sorry Naive... Well.. If she really hurt you then maybe you should not go. Could you have a talk with her and tell her how this wedding is making her meaner then ever. Once you back out of being the Maid of honor then she may get the drift that soemthing was wrong. If you love your sister alot then maybe you should go but not be in the wedding.

[tiki]

No!!! Talk to her!! Soon-to-be-Brides are sometimes crazy and irrational! I've been one!!!

 

Talk to her and tell her how you feel.

 

This is a memory of a lifetime, you must be there!!!

[EC]

AWE Naive what happened? I remember you were so excitd about losing weight for the dress? What happened?

I agree though that if she really hurt you maybe you should tell her you will go to the wedding but now be in it.

 

But you have to remember, shes getting married, her nerves are a wreck, and shes trying to get everything ready and have everything go right. She's probably going crazy and letting it out on the wrong people and not realizing it.

[laRubiaBonita]

Naive~ unfortunately your sis has morped into Bride-Zilla!

 

Usually the honeymoon will cure the symptoms.

 

You must go! you are the maid of honor and most importantly her sister! imagine how crushed she would be!!!!

 

smile, and in 2 years remind her How big of a beeotch she was these last couple months!

[Naive]

You know I wish I could be there but at this point it's not in me. Yesterday she was a total jerk with me and it even got to the point of her saying, "you Hispanics are all so ignorant" HELLO!!!! She is Hispanic as well. She is acting terrible. Since we were small we talked about when she would get married. Now that it was coming true I was so happy for her and I was honored to be the maid of honor but not anymore......not like this!!

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by ~Naive~

You know I wish I could be there but at this point it's not in me. Yesterday she was a total jerk with me and it even got to the point of her saying, "you Hispanics are all so ignorant" HELLO!!!! She is Hispanic as well. She is acting terrible. Since we were small we talked about when she would get married. Now that it was coming true I was so happy for her and I was honored to be the maid of honor but not anymore......not like this!!

 

 

ugh. i know a girl who is white yet she gave herself this thick latina-like accent (no one in her family talks that way, and none of her friends do either) and tells everyone they are too white, and she doesn't want to go to this place or that place because they're "white places" full of "white people." it's like Pennsylvania me walking around this state and talking like i'm from jersey. why?

 

it's like hello?

and so what anyway?

 

i'm so sorry about your sister. i hope it all works out, but i do think you should say something to her before you pull out of the wedding. besides, if you do decide to not be a part of it, she'll want an explanation anyway, so you may as well talk about it now and try to come up with a solution.

 

good luck, girly.

[tiki]

Don't give yourself your choice. You must be there, you must go! You'll have to suck it up and just deal with it, it'll make more sense later. It's a vital time for her. And you'd regret doing something rash if you do it.

[roygbiv]

It sounds like she's treating marriage as a "break-free" step from her family, and being mean is her way of pre-alienating you before the wedding takes place. Does she really want to get married or just be away from the family.

[billybadass36]

Hold on. This is your SISTER. Ideally she only gets married once in her lifetime. For you to not be there is just wrong. Whether you're mad at her or not, you're going to go. If you don't you'll irreparably damage your relationship with her forever. Take the high road. Don't play the victim. Not attending your sister's wedding because you're mad at her is the ultimate passive-aggressive maneuver. Be the better person and suck it up and be there for her - if for no other reason than the simple fact that she IS your sister.

[blind_otter]

I'm sorry about your sister. My older sister was a bitch when she got married and I just sorta powered through it and stood on the side making goofy remarks with my gay friend. He helped me get through it, we laughed the whole time.

 

Conversely, the very same older sister, when I got married, wouldn't come to my wedding because she didn't agree with my lifestyle. I didn't really care.

 

I hope this gets resolved to the benefit of both parties. You should talk to her and tell her that that comment hurt your feelings. Don't give an ultimatum, but communicate that she is being a bitch. It takes the steam out of them, usually.

[Illusion24]

I would give her the silent treatment and be the bigger person...If she 'still' wants you to be the maid-of-honor do it for the sake of your family and a memory to her that no matter what you'll always be her sister and love her. It would be a slap in the face...She needs to wake up and smell the coffee!! Maybe the whole wedding has gone to her head, or maybe she's stressed out...

 

No matter what though, I would let her know your feelings were hurt...I would give anything to have my sister alive, I would hate for you to miss out on something so special.

[quankanne]

tell her that you love her very much, and that you're excited about her wedding, but you REALLY feel it's time for a reality check. Then in a non-threatening way, let her know what a jerk she's being and that she's going to go too far and offend someone with a long, long memory. also tell her that her behavior is seriously making you reconsider standing up for her, and that it pains you to even feel this way.

 

if she wants specifics, give them to her. Just because you love her and just because she's your sister doesn't mean she gets to step all over you (or anyone else for that matter) just because she's going through a stressful time with the wedding coming up.

 

if common sense don't do the job, maybe guilt will!

[Naive]

I know where you guys are coming from, but she has just hurt me deeply. I mean we have had fights before but she has never made me feel like this.

 

I understand that she is having an expensive wedding but she does not have to act like all of a sudden we are all inferior to her. Yesterday she called and asked why had my boyfriend/husband invited his mother and I said because the invitation was for 2 people so she told me that she could not understand why her family was embarrassing so much, that her fiance's family did not take so many people and that us Hispanic go like 5-6 with one invitation. Then she bad mouth another family member. I told her that it was not fair that after I am coming out in her wedding he cannot even take his mother so she said fine she can go. Later on she called and said, "by the way my bachelorette party is being organized by my fiance's sisters let me know if you can make it"!!!!!!! WTF????? I am the maid of honor, I had it all planned!!!!!! She just got mad because I did not let her have the bachelorette party at my new apt. So she just disregarded the fact that it was my job and she placed her soon to be sister in laws in charge!!! Why??? If I am her sister??? Well she told someone that it was because I was going to throw her a cheap/inexpensive bachelorette party. Does it not matter more that her family and friends are there even if it is a humble party???

 

After she called and left me a rude message saying, "you know I never wanted your H's mother to go, she should not be going. We talked it over with my fiance and we cannot afford it so she is off the list, bye" The way she handled it was totally offensive!!! but hey her fiance is drowning in money I am just super hurt and I don't like to fake and hypocrite. I will not forgive her for this.

 

The way I see it is: I am going to be unhappy, she does not want me to be there so I am going to make her wedding day unhappy. What is the point?

[tiki]

Man. When is the battle-axe getting hitched?

 

Did you tell her that you'd planned the mother freakin bachelorette party?

[Naive]

Originally posted by tiki

Man. When is the battle-axe getting hitched?

 

Did you tell her that you'd planned the mother freakin bachelorette party?

 

Her wedding is May 15.

 

We planned the bachelorette party together.

[LittleMiss]

I'm sorry to hear that Naive. I know you were looking forward to your sister's big day. I know it meant a lot for you to be her maid of honor. She is acting like a jerk and she will soon regret it. I would probably feel the same way you do and choose not to participate in her wedding. She is going to regret how she has been acting later. Hopefully, she will come to her senses and remember her family is who has been there for her all of her life. Money shouldn't change anything. Just because she's financially in a better place than her family doesn't mean she has to treat yall like crap. She needs a reality check. She IS Hispanic and she IS a part of your family, and no matter how much **** she talks about your family that will never change.

 

I say do what you feel is best. If you don't want to go then don't! Maybe that's the kind of wake up call she needs in order to realize what a bitch she is being with her family.

[tiki]

5-15?

 

Good. We'll have you calmed down by then.

 

How's the dress thing going? You down any weightage?

[Naive]

Thanks Tabatha

 

Originally posted by tiki

5-15?

 

Good. We'll have you calmed down by then.

 

How's the dress thing going? You down any weightage?

 

Yeah, it's a Jewish wedding so it's on a Sunday.

 

But no matter what tiki, I do not think that I will attend. She has broken my heart. You know, this is worst than breaking up with a boyfriend because my blood runs through her veins. She has always said I am her little princess and we have always stood by each other but not this time. Blood should be thicker than water, no? I was doing everything with all the love in me and know all I feel is bitterness. What hurts is that she intentionally tried to hurt me, that is what hurts!!!! I honestly feel like I have lost a big part of me. It has always been her, me and my little sis and now she is missing.........I have like this big hole in my stomach. All I did was cry last night. No, I cannot forgive her. Sometimes words hurt more than you think!!!

[tiki]

Man, this really sucks. I'm sure she's not her norm, and no....she had NO right to talk to you like that. Please talk to her! Tell her she's turning into 'bridezilla' and maybe she'll catch your drift?

[curiousnycgirl]

Ok here are my two cents - being from a snobby, jewish family (I am the black sheep) - I may be able to give you some insights, although I may be way off base.

 

There is the chance that her soon to be family is totally judgemental - and is giving her grief about the number of people coming from her side. I am not saying they have a right to do that, or that it would be ok - but there is a strong possibility it is happening. Regardless of how much money people have - they get really weird in situations like this. My uncle (who is VERY wealthy) had fits over how many people his son-in-law's family invited to his grandson's bar mitzvah - since he was footing the bill. Again a few more heads at $150 a pop makes no difference to him - but he was having canaries!

 

So if this is what's going on - she is probably feeling very torn and stressed. I am not excusing what she said, just trying to give you insights.

 

Also to be fair - it is very unlikely that she intended to invite your mother-in-law, unless she is especially close with her. Again unacceptable to tell you she's off the list on a nasty voicemail.

 

Having said that - she IS your sister, and you would probably feel very badly not seeing her walk down the aisle. If I were in your shoes I would probably have a very serious heart to heart and explain that you are very hurt, that she has really gone out of her way to push you out of her life, etc. I would not be looking for explanations or for her to apologize, I would just state my case and say that you cannot be in her wedding party. Then I would walk out the door.

 

Again I say this for YOUR benefit, NOT hers. I hope this helps.

[Naive]

Thanks to everyone for your help. I decided I will attend only the ceremony and leave afterwards (like that she can have an extra plate for whomever she wants ) right after the ceremony.

 

There is no excuse for acting like a bitch to your sister and I am still pissed off at the way she handled everything!!!! One thing is having wedding jitters and another is being plain nasty Why should I make money sacrifices when she can't???? I really have it bad and I was willing to sacrifice myself for her but WHATEVER!!!! I don't think I will change my way of thinking for a loooooong time!

[blind_otter]

I think that this is a good compromise, Naive.

[Merin]

Originally posted by blind_otter

I think that this is a good compromise, Naive.

 

I second that...

 

I think it's sh*tty that your sister is behaving like a spoiled little sh*t regarding all of this...

Truth be told, don't be at all suprised if when things are said and done and the wedding is over your sister goes into a depression from the let down of it all...

 

It's always the Brides who expect to much of the wedding day (for perfection and having it all one certain way) that end up not even having a good time at thier own wedding and then feeling let down when it's all over....

 

Hugs to ya girly... hang in there

[Naive]

Thanks you guys!!! You do not know how much your words mean to me right now!!!

 

My sister has really let me down. This is more than just wedding stress, she has changed a lot and it really hurts me. Thursday and Friday were real hard days for me.....my heart was so hurt. I'll get over it soon but I will not forgive her or forget anything.