tiki Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 I think you're making the right choice. It's a temporary fix for something that will mean a lot to her bitch ass. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 People get blinded, Naive. They do get blinded. By love, worries, stress. While I completely understand your hurt feelings, I certainly do not understand why you're not confronting her with what you think. Why you're not talking to her. Talk to her and allow her to talk to you. The easiest way out for you is not to attend the ceremony at all. Later on, she'll have the excuse that she was organizing the wedding, she was the bride, etc etc, but you, you didn't have to live with the pressure. And she can turn it into your fault. I'm from Eastern Europe and last summer my bf came visit my family. I have lived far away from them for one year. When I saw them, yes, in some ways, they did seem... oldfashioned. Traditionalist (although my family is quite modern). I've never told them that, and yes, I was a bit embarassed. I know I should have never been because they are the best people I'll ever meet in my life. Most loving, extraordinary people, and they are my family. But I do understand the mechanism. When I went to the mountains with my bf, I was thinking "Jeez, these people are so uncivilised!" I'm that people also. "They speak so loud" I speak loud also. It's difficult when it's you the one that LIVES the change, Naive. It's soooo easy to get corrupted by power, no matter it's form: money, a more civilised society, more educated friends... it blinds you. I'm not making up excuses for her. All I know is that if you continue to communicate by leaving messages on eachothers answering machines, you'll drift appart even more. it's imperative that you go to her, that you see her and that you speak your mind. You still can have that memorable wedding! But you have to step on your pride and slap her in the face with the real world. If you can't do it, make your little sister do it. Or your mom. Or her best friend. Someone has to have the power of getting through to her. I live among foreigners, Naive, and it's so hard. It breaks my heart to see a loving family tear appart because of no good reason. She has no idea how lucky she is to have you all near her. And she must not forget what makes her happy. It's not only her husband, it's her family also. Don't give up on her too easily, Naive. You'll live to regret it, I am sure. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam People get blinded, Naive. They do get blinded. By love, worries, stress. While I completely understand your hurt feelings, I certainly do not understand why you're not confronting her with what you think. Why you're not talking to her. Talk to her and allow her to talk to you. The easiest way out for you is not to attend the ceremony at all. Later on, she'll have the excuse that she was organizing the wedding, she was the bride, etc etc, but you, you didn't have to live with the pressure. And she can turn it into your fault. I'm going to disagree just because I think the talk should be saved for AFTER the wedding. Having been a nervous bride-to-be, I can tell you that all that will do is make the situation worse. Wait until after she's married to tell her that you are upset. She's already freaking out about a billion things and would probably have a nervous breakdown in front of you if you DID try to confront you. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 I think gitterish brides need comfort. Having a chance to resolve this before it goes totally out of control... I know it would mean the world to me if my sister came to me BEFORE the wedding, so that I can do her right. maybe I'm old fashined, but marriage isn't only about the bride and the groom, it's about honouring the family. Having another member in your home. Receiving someone officially in your family. That's how I see it, anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 I see it as a chance to get a lot of cool gifts. Just kiddin'. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 I love gifts !!! (But secretly, I see it as a chance to get stuffed with the bride's cake!) Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 I didn't get gifts. We had people donate to selected charities in our name. But then again that is probably what makes me weird. The only thing that got me through all the stupid BS you have to do on the day with the big puffy dress and scripted incantations and choreography and all that stuff -- was tranquilizers and marijuana. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted April 18, 2005 Author Share Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam While I completely understand your hurt feelings, I certainly do not understand why you're not confronting her with what you think. Why you're not talking to her. Because she is a drama queen!!! She will start to cry and make this all my fault so I'd rather leave her to be a b*tch but she better leave me alone after the wedding because I just might have to tell her things straight to her face!!!! Everytime we have an argument she starts to cry and tells me that I am so selfish..blah...blah...blah!!! She never stopped to think how I felt when I was pushed to the side. I had everything planned for her stupid bachelorette party and I had all the decorations and invitations and what!!! She just mixed things up on me????!!! For once I am going to do the drama!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 The problem I see here is Naives sister didn't only forget that this wedding isn't all about HER only, my guess is she also forgot that this wedding is about her husband to be, the marriage that you then have after the wedding is over, and the family will still love and support you when things in the marriage aren't always easy.... Gdamn I love Wedding Cake! LOL as long as it's someone elses!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by ~Naive~ She never stopped to think how I felt when I was pushed to the side. I had everything planned for her stupid bachelorette party and I had all the decorations and invitations and what!!! She just mixed things up on me????!!! For once I am going to do the drama!!! Ok, ok, sooooo that's the real issue... Naive... it's HER marriage. Don't be selfish. I know your pride is hurt. I know she let you down, made you feel miserable and all... the thing is, if you go and talk to her, she may actually understand why you're so crossed with her. she thinks she has the right to change her mind about everything, yes, at your expense, because... it's her marriage. A loving sister doesn't shut up and mutter bad words. If she does her dramma queen act again, you tell her to make the incredible effort and shut her mouth for 2 minutes and hear you out. If she doesn't than maybe indeed she isn't worth the effort. But you'll have your conscience clear that you've tried. It's not like she's on some weird drug and is deaf to whatever you're saying. If you don't feel up to it, ask someone else to have "the talk". As long as you decide not to be crossed anymore and the minute you've forgiven her. Merin, word, girl !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam If you don't feel up to it, ask someone else to have "the talk". As long as you decide not to be crossed anymore and the minute you've forgiven her. Curly, are you familiar with the american concept of bridezilla? It's a common occurance, one that could almost be called a phenomena of temporary insanity that is a cultural thing. Anyways, it's common. My oldest sister had it, my childhood best friend had it. I didn't have it, but I know other brides who did. It's characterized by a complete loss of ability to reason logically, even in matters associated with family or previously close friends, and also characterized by asshol-ish, selfish, insane behaviors. Even though I didn't get the bridezilla disease, I was a nutcase and not able to be reasoned with until after I was married. It's an extremely stressful time. People do crazy things. I will stand by y advice. Talk to her AFTER the wedding, Naive. Otherwise you will get your eardrums blown out when she screams at you for stressing her out on HER big day. blah blah blah. I feel ya girl. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Got me there, BO! I have no idea what that feel like, never had a marriage in the family that I can remember! But.. isn't the marriage... in a f*cking month? Who's ruining the big day? I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted April 18, 2005 Author Share Posted April 18, 2005 I think that women just use the wedding as an excuse to act more b*tchy!!!! There is no such thing as a "bridezilla" they came up with that so that they can have a chance to b*tch and the people who surround them have to take it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted April 18, 2005 Author Share Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I will stand by y advice. Talk to her AFTER the wedding, Naive. Otherwise you will get your eardrums blown out when she screams at you for stressing her out on HER big day. blah blah blah. I feel ya girl. Thanks BO I am going to do just that because I am 100% positive that it would go exactly like that if I even try to tell her anything now!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Aaa... I have NO idea about that, LOL!!! After this thread, I started praying that my sister won't get any "marry" thoughts like that ! Too soon, anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted April 18, 2005 Author Share Posted April 18, 2005 This whole experience has left such a sour taste in my mouth that I doubt I will ever contribute to any other wedding.....man!!!! I don't even think I will have any bridesmaids when I get married!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 I'm so sorry for what she's putting you through, Naive!! I really am! she's acting like she's continuously PMS ing... completely irrational... Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Naive - firstly I am so happy you have decided to attend the ceremony. In reality I think you are doing that for YOU, not her. Secondly - I agree there is no point in having a confrontation at this point. However you will have to let her know you are bowing out of her wedding party, etc. I suggest YOU start out crying - and just keep them water works going girl! While crying and in between sobs, tell her how terribly hurt you are. Not just about the bacheloreet party - but her racist slurs (that to me is the most unforgivable thing of all), etc. Tell her it is because of this hurt that you just cannot participate in the festivities, period end of story. No discussion no nothing! You will have gotten your point across and been a consumate lady at the same time. YOU GO GIRL!!! Link to post Share on other sites
billybadass36 Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 I'm sorry, but there was ZERO chance of your not going to your sister's wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted April 19, 2005 Author Share Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by curiousnycgirl In reality I think you are doing that for YOU, not her. That is completely true!!!! No one ever does anything without getting anything in return, right? We are all selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted April 19, 2005 Author Share Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by billybadass36 I'm sorry, but there was ZERO chance of your not going to your sister's wedding. In that you are wrong billy, if I wanted to I could not have gone and kept on my merry way. For example, my little sister is not going because she feels that my big sister put too many rules. ASs much as we begged she said nope!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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