daveb3216 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) My ex-wife married a sex offender. He's still in prison, but he will be getting out later this year. My ex plans on having him live with our kids as soon as he is released. Sadly, in my state (TN), a sex offender can live with minor children, once he marries their mother. I put together a video, telling my story, hoping people will help. I'd appreciate any help, or any advice on what else I might be able to do. Edited April 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed link Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 I'd get a lawyer. I'd also keep a very close eye on the kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Great video, on a very sad subject. You should share this with as many media outlets as you can find. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Have you talked to your daughter about this and have you asked his victim if she would talk to your daughter? Will Tennessee allow her to live with you if she decides to? What a terrible mess. How awful for you and your kids. For the life of me, I don't understand your XW. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 I don't click on links by new posters, but my suggestion is, go public with this, stick posters about him everywhere, get your friends, family and neighbours involved, and GO to court anyway and fight hard to get full custody of your kids, keep this guy away from your kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 I think "whichwayisup" is making an excellent point about links from new posters. That said, I advise you to participate in the dialogue that has begun, as much as you possibly can. Such may assist you in keeping your thread and your very serious mission alive on this particular forum. Yas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author daveb3216 Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 Thanks for the feedback. The whole situation is complicated by the fact that my kids have been told by their mother that this man is a wonderful guy who simply made a "mistake," and I'm the bad guy for trying to ruin her life. Unfortunately there is a lot of brainwashing going on. It's really sad. I don't have a lawyer right now, as I had to leave my job in Ohio to move to Tennessee to fight this battle, and I don't have the resources, so I'm doing my best to fight this pro se. I'm hoping the parole board will put a restriction on him, so that I won't even have to worry about the Tennessee law, but nothing is guaranteed. Along the way I'm hoping to raise awareness, as I imagine I'm not the only father facing this in Tennessee, and I imagine TN is not the only state with lax sex offender laws. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Is your child old enough to have a choice as to which parent she lives with? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 (edited) I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Perhaps the internet can help if it's spread around social media a little. So much for mother instincts, she's serving her own kids on a silver platter. I signed the petition of course. Edited April 11, 2015 by No Limit Link to post Share on other sites
Author daveb3216 Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 Is your child old enough to have a choice as to which parent she lives with? I've been trying to use the courts, but it takes months and months just to get two minutes in front of the judge. My ex-wife has been doing everything possible to stall the process. By the way, not mentioned in the video is that his victim was 14-years-old when she joined his soccer team. Her parents had just divorced and she was emotionally vulnerable and had low self esteem. The perfect setup. Also not mentioned in the video is that he took her virginity away from her, and that he alienated her from friends and family. His favorite places to take her for their sexual encounters were a local cemetery and a storage unit he had rented. He even bought her an extra cell phone so that she could hide the relationship from her parents. The victim shared all these things with me. The parallels to my own daughter's situation are beyond scary. Just before his arrest, he had even signed up to coach my daughter's 14-15-year-old girls soccer team (which is the same way he met his victim in the first place). Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Sounds like your daughter is next in the line thanks to her mother. I hope that at least after that incident you'll get sole custody. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 What were the circumstances of his moving to Tennessee from Ohio prior to charges being brought against him in Ohio? Did he see it coming? And did he get extradited from TN to OH to be tried? I assume that he'll be on probation when he gets out of prison. A lot of times a condition of probation is that you can't leave the state, but if he already wasn't a resident anymore, I'm not sure how that would work. Does TN have any rationale on the books for why the age cutoff? My suggestion to you is do whatever it takes to get a lawyer, because you're going to have to fight this in the custody arena. Your daughter potentially living with a sex offender is a pretty good reason to petition for sole custody. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Can you fight for protective custody of your children in a state with stricter sex offender laws before they move to TN? This is new information that was not available at the time you divorced your wife. Can you fight it at a higher court? Search out national groups that support tougher child abuse laws and ask for their support to fight this. Can you take out a restraining order keeping him away from your children until his release? Can you show the courts how they have been abusing the system by their acts. Will this keep him in prison longer? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Why can you not seek to have a modification of the custody in the State you were divorced BEFORE this move to Tennessee takes place? You have a credible reason to file such a motion to the original judge in your case. Why isn't that happening? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 (edited) Everyone's already in Tennessee as I understand it. Except the offender, who's imprisoned in Ohio, but he's already a resident of the state of TN. Can you take out a restraining order keeping him away from your children until his release? Can you show the courts how they have been abusing the system by their acts. Will this keep him in prison longer? Not sure what the purpose of a restraining order would be while he's in jail, and no you can't append charges or jail time to existing convictions. Edited April 11, 2015 by jen1447 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Sex offender is pretty vague, and no, I'm not sending traffic to your video. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Get a CCW and invite him in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daveb3216 Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 Thanks for the responses. I'm not 100% sure of the original reason he moved from OH to TN, but it probably was to follow the victim. The victim was an adult at that point, and she moved to TN first, but then she moved back to OH when she found out he followed her. I am currently fighting for full custody, but so far I've had nothing but delays from the court. I was supposed to have a "hearing" yesterday, but the judge said he did not have enough time, and rescheduled me for the middle of August! At this rate it is likely he will be out before I get any traction in the courts. He is subject to a 5-year post-release control period. I'm hoping the Ohio parole board restricts him from leaving Ohio and returning to Tennessee, but I bet he is going to argue that his business is in Tennessee, not to mention that he is now married to someone in Tennessee. I'm hoping to start a letter writing campaign to the Ohio parole board. I think that's probably the best chance of protecting my kids. If that doesn't work, I will definitely pursue a protective order, but that may be an uphill battle since I will have to use the Tennessee courts and Tennessee laws at that point. Good idea looking into national groups that are working toward stricter child abuse laws. Thanks again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Thanks for the feedback. The whole situation is complicated by the fact that my kids have been told by their mother that this man is a wonderful guy who simply made a "mistake," and I'm the bad guy for trying to ruin her life. Unfortunately there is a lot of brainwashing going on. It's really sad. I don't have a lawyer right now, as I had to leave my job in Ohio to move to Tennessee to fight this battle, and I don't have the resources, so I'm doing my best to fight this pro se. I'm hoping the parole board will put a restriction on him, so that I won't even have to worry about the Tennessee law, but nothing is guaranteed. Along the way I'm hoping to raise awareness, as I imagine I'm not the only father facing this in Tennessee, and I imagine TN is not the only state with lax sex offender laws. Borrow money from trusted friends or family members if need be. Fight hard and do everything you can to make sure your kids are not around this guy. How old are your kids? I really hope your ex wakes up and stops putting the kids lives in danger. She is being selfish and is putting their lives at risk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Sex offender is pretty vague, and no, I'm not sending traffic to your video. That guy actively tries to pursue girls around 14/15 years of age. He gets them by active texting and buying them stuff. In this case the guy bought his victim a puppy - just like he bought a puppy for OPs daughter; same breed, even same name. To earn her favor she gets more stuff than just that of course, and the texts include stuff like "Miss me?" from him... The mother also actively helped her boyfriend by letting her stay with him unsupervised in so called "kids nights"... 'cause the guy is "just a kid" too... in hindsight, I'd count that as successfully grooming the mother because this nickname makes him sound harmless. If it sounds like a duck, and walks like a duck... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 That guy actively tries to pursue girls around 14/15 years of age. He gets them by active texting and buying them stuff. In this case the guy bought his victim a puppy - just like he bought a puppy for OPs daughter; same breed, even same name. To earn her favor she gets more stuff than just that of course, and the texts include stuff like "Miss me?" from him... The mother also actively helped her boyfriend by letting her stay with him unsupervised in so called "kids nights"... 'cause the guy is "just a kid" too... in hindsight, I'd count that as successfully grooming the mother because this nickname makes him sound harmless. If it sounds like a duck, and walks like a duck... Honestly I have less issue with the age than the position of trust and potentially authority he's placing himself into in this particular case, assuming of course everything in the source (pissed off ex-husband videos .... ) is accurate. Huge if - IF it's been presented in a fair and balanced way then it's a problem. I have doubts of the if. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 It's largely substantiated. The guy is a registered sex offender in Ohio, and various news coverage shows circumstances aligning with the OP's accounts, like the ex-wife pleading on behalf of the guy in court, the fact that they've moved to Tennessee, the age of the victim, the prison release date and conditions, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 OP, I watched the video before the link was removed, and it was extremely well-done, compelling, and it broke my heart. It made me want to do anything in my power to get her away from this man. I cannot begin to imagine how you must feel. Your ex-wife clearly has lost her mind, if she ever had it in the first place. That's the nicest thing I can say about her. I have a 14 year old daughter too. In your place I would do things to protect her that I would probably get in trouble for posting here. Do whatever it takes to protect your daughter from this predator. Whatever it takes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author daveb3216 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 I understand some of the skepticism out there. I would never have dreamed in a million years that my kids and I would be wrapped up in such a crazy, sad story. Reaching out to people and making this public was a very last resort, after every thing else has failed. I have been to court 3 times in the last 9 months and I have had less than 10 minutes of the judge's time in total, and I now have to wait 4 more months before even having a chance to present any evidence. I really do appreciate all the tips. I am using them. I'll be honest that it also helps to hear people share the same outrage that has been keeping me up at night for 2 years now. On a positive note, today I got an invitation for an interview with a local news channel. I'll post any significant updates. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Everyone's already in Tennessee as I understand it. Except the offender, who's imprisoned in Ohio, but he's already a resident of the state of TN. Not sure what the purpose of a restraining order would be while he's in jail, and no you can't append charges or jail time to existing convictions. His wife abused the system, visitation, contact by phone between criminal boyfriend and his underage children. Bring the new information(same MO that got him convicted even to buying his daughter same breed of puppy and naming the puppy the same name) to the Court regarding custody, identical behaviour, different child, probable duplicate outcome. Talk to national and local groups that have resources to help you, they are already empathetic to your plight,a father protecting his underage children from a convicted child abuse predator. In Canada where I live they warn communities about sex offenders being released into their community before it happens, they even use media to publish the information. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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