Separated for the last month wife moved out of state

[oua123]

My wife went back to see family with our daughter about 1 month ago. While she was there she was going to look at apartments for us to move into once I was able to find a job to move us there. Since she has been there she did not get on the return flight home and has now moved into an apartment for just her and my daughter. She has changed all the passwords on the credit cards in her name and is asking me to ship all of her/our stuff to her.

 

All the while that this is going on she has told me that we are moving toward a divorce and she wants to take the next couple of months to determine if I can make changes to save our marriage since it takes 60days for residency in the state she is in to be able to file for divorce. It is so frustrating because we have only been married for a year and our daughter is 6 months old I really feel like I am missing so many important moments with her.

 

I am hoping that she wants us to work things out and have me move out there but every time I speak with her it just sounds like I am annoying her. She currently has our car and after I pay to move all of her stuff there then she will have that as well. All in all she has spent 5k getting an apartment, new clothes, and new things for her new places.

 

I am just so lost. I want to continue doing everything I can to save our marriage but at the same time I feel like such a fool and that maybe this was the plan the entire time. I just don't know... any advice?

[LoveMyCat]

Wow I am really sorry this is happening to you. I gather she was pregnant when you married? Did she want to get married?

 

How far away are they from your home?

 

You should call a lawyer, in any case, if only for advice. And try to arrange to see you baby. She can't legally keep you from that. You may have to consider moving near them, if your wife insists on staying away and it is an option for you. Good luck.

[kenmore]

...I feel like such a fool and that maybe this was the plan the entire time. I just don't know... any advice?

 

I hate to say this, but it sure sounds that way. First I must agree with Cat woman and say I'm sorry you are going through this. Second, don't be too quick to send her things, cooperate or be her pawn.

 

Let me give you the beginning of my story. My wife and I fell in love on our first date. We met for lunch at noon, and we hit it off so well, we were together until after six. I had a second date lined up for dinner (tentative) and did not make it. While I felt bad about that, I just wanted my wife so much, nothing else mattered. I apologized and proceeded to get every other woman out of my life because I met the woman who was it for me.

 

I thought she felt the same way. She always seemed to.

 

In July she told me I had to leave. I was shocked! I left. It went downhill from there.

 

I won't bore people here with more of my angst, but suffice it to say she has shown she does not care for me like I did for her. I'm grateful we did not have children together, so I can have a clean state soon (actually Monday.)

 

I don't know you nor your wife, but from what you write, it sounds like she intended to leave you the whole time and did not have the guts to tell you up close. Do you have a temper?

 

It seems like she never intended to come back nor have you move there. Usually, people don't just change like that. Usually, they just don't say what's on their mind.

 

I agree with the cat lady in the fact that you should make sure you see your daughter! A lot! Text her, drive to see her, make damned sure you have visitation rights.

 

This is so new for you! One month is a horrible time, especially if you did not see it coming. I remember it well. That was the time was expecting her to come to her senses, tell me it was something she had to work through, but she's feeling better now, and to please come home. Big laugh! We'll be divorced in two more months.

 

I wish you strength and peace, but you will most likely have neither for awhile. Keep coming here, people here will give you wisdom and great advice (sorry if I'm a downer.) Beware the NC (no communication) advice thrown out so freely though, you must decide if that's right for you and when.

 

Also, don't be discouraged if people don't respond much to a first or second post. We have seen so much pain, it's tiring to start with someone new, but you will find it warm and comforting in awhile. Just hang tough, it's all you can do!

 

Ken

[oua123]

Thanks so much for the replies this is literally the hardest thing I have ever had to go through....

 

She was pregnant at the time that we got married and I live in NY and she has moved to MO.

 

We have been talking and as of yesterday she said she just needs space to figure things out and how she really feels. She said she is just so caught up in everything and hasn't had a break from talking about us.

 

As of yesterday she now wants us to go one month talking only once a week on Sundays and no talking about us or our relationship until then. She said she needs to see if she misses me or if I can be able to give this to her when it is something she needs.

 

I have never been so confused. I just don't get why this is the case. In the mean time she wants me to send her all her stuff this week.

 

She did leave because I have a temper. I grew up in a family that is much louder and handles fighting in a very different way. I am trying to make the changes she wants to see in me but everything I am seeing is just making me feel like she is not even looking for that. IDK.

 

Has anyone ever gone through being asked for space like this? Has it ever worked out?

 

She even made a comment that the only way she can see this working out at this point is if we were to divorce and remain friends then maybe sometime down the road we could be back together. I just don't know anymore.

 

thanks for any help and support. I am just so lost with everything.

[oua123]

Does anyone have any advice on no contact and whats going on? I just really don't know what to do...