Ace Posted March 12, 2001 Share Posted March 12, 2001 OK, here I am again with a question for you guys to ponder over. My "girlfiend" and I just got done having a great day together. We spent the entire day together and it was a blast until the last half hour. Part of it made it so great was the fact that she jacked me off and I fingered her to put it bluntly for the first time since we broke up which has been 4 months. It was great and I thought that since she would allow this then our relationship was growing. I was right and wrong also. She then told me a little later on in the evening that she still wanted me to know that if some guy asked her to go out sometime, she would probably agree. I told her that I did not want to do the sexual things with her because I didn't think that that was appropriate if she would go out with other guys. She got mad and said that I was trying to call her a slut! I didn't think like this at all! I just didn't want to do anything sexually if she was going to go out with other guys. I have very high morals. She got real upset and said that she was just trying to show her feelings and that she wanted to do that to show that she was getting more comfortable around me. That made me feel like a real ass because now she doesn't even want us to spend the night together because she thinks that I don't want to do anything serious until I know that she is going to exclusively date me. Was I wrong to say this? What can I say now to make up for this and to make her feel better about herself? She is really stubborn and I don't know what to say to her now to make her feel better. Any ideas on this one? Adam Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 12, 2001 Share Posted March 12, 2001 You didn't say anything wrong at all and don't try to kiss her butt about this. Hold your ground. I don't think it is wrong at all for you not to have a desire to do sexually intimate things with her if she is going to be seeing other people. I think things of that personal nature should be reserved for two people who are only seeing each other. This statement that she would be open to dating other people is similar to the statement she made about not wanting to start seeing you in a serious fashion until after she got back from spring break. Well, now that she's back from spring break, it seems things haven't really changed. She still wants to see other people. I think you are best not being bothered by anything she says. But I get the feeling that no matter how you react to her she's going to get pissed. I've been around these kinds of people before and it's a no-win situation. I don't blame you at all for the stance you have taken regarding sexual activity with her if she's going to be seeing other people. You are quite proper in your feelings. Don't think you have to do anything at all to make up anything to her because you did nothing wrong. The WORST thing you can ever do is kiss a girl's butt. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted March 12, 2001 Share Posted March 12, 2001 Ace Yes you should stand your ground, but are you intentions to follow morals, or are you trying to get her back in line?..ponder this question carefully. The more you post about this girl, the more I think that she is blossoming and growing apart from you. I HATE to say this. But I think her growing apart from you is as much because you are trying to cage her and lecture her as it is her growing as a woman. You just have to let her go a little. I'm not saying break off everything, but rather let her feel free to do what she wants..let her learn for herself. If she does she can then see this for what it is. If you continue to close her in she will continue to resent you more and more until one day she is gone. If she leaves you while resenting you, she is much less likely to realise what she is missing than if you stand up and give her the freedom she deserves as a human being. Your call, Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted March 12, 2001 Share Posted March 12, 2001 I talked to her afterwards also and she said that she doesn't think there is any chance that she is going to see other guys. She said that she just wants to say that to almost make her feel better so that she does not jump into things so fast with me. She even said before that dating other people while dating me would not be right. I don't know what is going on inside her head. Oliver, I AM doing it for the morals. I don't want to be doing anything with her if she is dating anyone else. I think I should have told her this IF she dated anyone else. I shouldn't have told her this right now. However, she said that everything is ok and we are still on for our date on Wednesday. It is her 22nd bday. I am going to take her out to a really nice restaurant. It will be fun and I think if we need to talk anymore about this then this will be the time. Also, I wanted to tell you guys that she said that she didn't do anything with any other guys down in Florida because of me. That made me feel pretty good because I really was getting worried about some things like that. Well, it is getting late and I gotta get up and go to class. I will talk to you guys later.' Thanks adam Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted March 12, 2001 Share Posted March 12, 2001 hi ace, even though your girlfriend said she didn't mean what she said about seeing other guys, i really feel in my heart that she is playing head games with you. secondly, you don't have to do ANYTHING to make her feel better about herself. as far as i'm concerned, she should be the one making you feel better by refusing to say one thing and then retracting her statement and then saying another. she has you on a rollercoaster ride here. the things she is saying to you and the way you are reacting (naturally) will probably only drive the relationship apart in the future. i wonder if this girl really knows what she wants, or maybe she does know what she wants but doesn't have the heart to say it to you, which, in my books is not fair at all. i know that you guys have a lot of fun together, but i think that the fun shared together might be clouding your judgment in this situation. do you guys really want the same thing from this relationship? you must ask her this and sort out HONESTLY where you stand with her, because if you don't you are only going to dig yourself into an emotional rut. Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted March 12, 2001 Share Posted March 12, 2001 This is what I have came to in our relationship. She really DOES NOT know what she wants. She says that she has a blast with me and I am a great guy. She says that she thinks that there may be a good possibility that this will work, but there is always that little possibility that it will not. She says that she does not want to jeopardize our relationsip and that if she does want to go on a date with another guy then our relationship would be over because then she would realize that the other guy would be more important and she didn't want to lead me on like that. I really dont know why she is so scared of this. After we have started going out again, things have been great. We rarely fight anymore and we have a great time together. She knows that I am the nicest guy in the world and would do anything for her, but she insists that she wants to leave that other option open for awhile. Maybe it is because she is about ready to graduate and find a job and get her own place. Maybe it is because she thinks that we are going to fall into the same rut that we were before all of this. Who knows. All I know is that this girl means the world to me and I am going to stick with this until she makes up her mind. It is either going to be me or someone else. I just hope I am not settings myself up for another heartbreak in which I know that you guys think I am. This just feels like something I have to do and if I get heartbroken again, then it will be my own fault. Adam Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted March 12, 2001 Share Posted March 12, 2001 Ace, It will only be your fault if you drive her away. Remember, if you are the nicest guy in the world to her then why would she want to go?...and I'm saying that regardless of what you were like before. The fact that she is still around shows that she is willing to forgive. BUT If you keep putting pressure on her, and limiting what she feels then it may end up your fault. She will not bail out on you if you are great to her and show you trust her. Keep your cool. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Paulie Posted March 12, 2001 Share Posted March 12, 2001 This girl's a pain in the @ss, and you keep putting up with it, and kissing her @ss. I would peobably be doing the same thing, if I was as into her as you are. But I would wish I had the strength to can her tail!! Link to post Share on other sites
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