STBX angry about a date

[kenmore]

I'm trying to come to grips about this. My wife is divorcing me completely against my will, so I had to accept its inevitability. There are about two months left until we're completely finished. I have a date to the ballet tonight and somehow she found out (ok, I told her ) She's livid!

 

She told me I should know how she feels about the ballet (she never brought it up in all the years we were together.)

 

Why should she be angry about me going out since we're finished by her own hand?

 

I told her out of respect and courtesy. Since we're still married, I think she should know, and I told her I don't do sex with another woman while married, so that won't be happening. Even if it was, I fail to see why she should give a crap. All she wants is to be done.

 

I guess to some degree I also told her to let her know I'm moving on and not just sitting around crying and lamenting the loss of her. Maybe another tiny reason was to see if she got jealous, and I guess she did.

 

Ken

[d0nnivain]

You told her because you wanted to provoke this very reaction. Since the divorce is against your will you think this proves she is making a mistake & you hope that her seeing you out with another woman will make her realize what she is throwing away.

 

 

Just because she is jealous doesn't mean she wants you back. Sorry.

 

 

So close to your divorce, you do have the right to take anyone you like to the ballet. So go. Enjoy the performance & the company of your date.

[Majormisstep]

Ken,

 

Not sure why you would share your dating activities with your stbxw other than to generate some kind of reaction. And if so, then you got what you wanted...so to speak.

 

At this point in your D process, it doesn't matter what either of you do in terms of dating. If there is no chance of R, then you both move on as having such discussions only slows the/your healing process. Don't you think?

 

There are very few D's where both people are amicable and excited for their former spouses new relationships.

 

It might be best to keep this information private moving forward.

[No Limit]

Careful, some STBXes become crazy. Don't get sucked back into her drama, you'll thank her for divorcing you in no time. Go out with whoever you want, have sex with whoever you want, it's not like your vows mean anything anymore.

[Woggle]

Tell her she has no say in who you date. You can't leave divorce somebody then expect to still have control over their life.

[Decisiontomake]

I'm sure it would sting for me to hear of my H dating someone new. But as one poster says it wouldn't make me want my M back. Ultimately you'll do yourself no good in divulging such information IMHO as you're facilitating your own back and forth mental script again. That said, I hope you had a wonderful time at the ballet in the company of you're new lady friend!

[chew123]

Ken,

 

My now ex-wife is very interested in my dating life. Asking my friends if i am really dating, am I having sex with other woman. She asks me also. None of her business, she fired me. She does not need any details, not that there are too many anyway.

 

I know she does not want me back. she is still going full bore with her AP. I find it very curious. she has also told me she is upset that I am moving on and she is still stuck. I have no idea WTF that is about.

 

I think that maybe in the back of her mind she is still thinking if things blow up in her face she can still come back to plan b. And me moving forward makes her realize that may not be an option. But honestly, her behavior is not all that rational these days so who knows what she is thinking.

 

Bottom line is its none of her business and I don't want her back anyway. So I smile and tell her NOYB when she makes direct inquiries. This is by far the craziest thing that has ever happened to me.

[fireflywy]

I don't think they want you as a plan B thing fellas. I think it all comes down to ego. Sure they had their affair partners and when they stepped out it was all for selfish desires and selfish attention. Now that you guys are moving on, they are still selfish for attention from all quarters including yours.

 

That's my take on it anyway. *shrug*

[kenmore]

I know she does not want me back. she is still going full bore with her AP. I find it very curious. she has also told me she is upset that I am moving on and she is still stuck. I have no idea WTF that is about.

 

Yes Chew, I feel that way too except she is not in another relationship (as far as I know) but I find it very curious too. In fact, that is probably the most likely reason, in retrospect, that I told her (yeah, I didn't completely understand why I told her either); because she has been so difficult to decipher. After every curve, another mystery appeared in my mind. She kicks me out and she starts talking about marriage counseling. I say yes, and she says no. After I quit my job at her request, she says "don't worry about finding another job too soon, I make enough for us both" then she kicks me out a few months later because I'm not working. She tells me she is not sure she wants a divorce, then two months later says she has no recollection of saying that. The dissolution papers say "dissolution in the alternative" which nobody has even been able to tell me what it really means including my lawyer, but I think it means "wishy washy". It may mean the divorce won't go through.

 

I think I needed a "ping"! (That's submarine talk for those of you who don't know, it means a sonar burst to detect an object.)

 

I think my ping hit a nerve. I'm glad it did and told her so.

 

I had a great time at the ballet! I am finding many new things to love about this new woman and the show was so much fun! Also, since I won the tix, it was free! How can you beat that?

 

I don't expect that since she's jealous that she will suddenly be knocking my door down and I am not sure it's ego. I think it's a tad irrational, but who isn't sometimes? I think (and this is based once again on her past quotes saying contact me in five years and we'll talk) that she really wants me to live in a stasis and not do anything while divorced, then wait for her call or call her in a few years so we can talk about reconciling then. In fact in yesterdays convo, she said she doesn't love me anymore, but maybe she will again in a few years. It reeks of "you're mine, and will do as I say even though we're not married anymore". It's almost as if she doesn't know me and thinks I'm a weak POS.

 

Hopefully after Monday, it will be easier to put this all behind me. I'm moving my stuff out of her house that day, and there will be no more reason to talk about anything after that!

 

Ken

[elaine567]

As you were leaving anyway on Monday, this date was a passive aggressive act on your part to punish your wife.

 

People decide to break up, sometimes it is a very difficult decision. Although the dumper makes the decision to split, they can often hurt just as much as the dumpee.

 

As there is no cheating involved here, your wife is not the baddie, she is just someone who decided the relationship wasn't for her and that is not a crime.

Your action here was petty and immature IMO.

[Friskyone4u]

Personally, if your wife initiated this whole divorce thing I don't know why you give a crap what she thinks about anything . I also would not bet that there is no other man involved and it seems like you really have not done a hell of s lot of investigating on that idea. That also does not matter at this point.

She has no right to be jealous about anything and you can bet when she starts to date (if she has not already ) she won't have any concern about what you think about it.

And if your new girlfriend wants to have sex, go right ahead. That's none of her business either. Remember, she chose not to be married to you anymore .

[2.50 a gallon]

I have found ExW's to be strange creatures at times.

I caught my Ex cheating, kicked her to the curb, she started living with the OM, when she came to get her things, she spent went out of her way rubbing salt in the wound telling me what a fantastic lover the OM was.

When a month later she discovered that I too had not slept alone, she totally fell apart.

Another female friend, had been divorced for a couple of years when I met her. I did not know all of the details, from what she told me and other friends, was that after marriage she realized she was not in love with her Ex, and how she wanted a career, which she had, over having a family. And how happy she was to have her career, she was a fashion buyer for a large high priced firm, and was being flown around the world.

Then came the night that her Ex was remarrying. I and some other people from the complex were enjoying the evening out by the pool. Her door was open, so we heard it all. It was a big pity party, with her and her female friends, most of whom had also divorced their first H's, and they were all crying and wailing at what they had lost. I remember my friend kept coming back to "That b**ch is probably F**ing my husband right now" and how much she loved him.

Being as she was a close friend in the following days she wanted to talk about it with me. When I pointed out how often she had told me how happy she was to have left him for her career. Why was she so upset. As she put it, I was not a woman so I could never understand. She was truly heart broken that her H no longer loved her and was now in love with another woman. In her mind he was cheating on her.

Edited April 12, 2015 by 2.50 a gallon

[Woggle]

Her ego probably can't take the fact that you are moving on instead of being a crying blubbery mess. It makes her question herself that you can live your life without her.

[Decisiontomake]

People decide to break up, sometimes it is a very difficult decision. Although the dumper makes the decision to split, they can often hurt just as much as the dumpee

 

Totally, 100% true

[scatterd]

My Husband did the same to me but he is living here leaving for 3 days coming home hes also walking to the school to play basket ball with his bi sexual woman friends and a one of them he was sneaking around with six years ago. My grandchild has seen him. He has shown no respect to any of us. I made a deal with him in divorce so we can get it over and to send him on his way.I am discussed and now I want it over I have not dated yet I will wait until I am divorced he can be the ass. I have to say your wive wanted the divorce like mine so do as you please. Its their loss.

[lolablue17]

If someone dumps you - One minute after she's dumping you - You're free to do anything you want with anybody including sex, 3somes, orgies, and sex with animals.

 

It's none of her business.

[kenmore]

...a passive aggressive act on your part to punish your wife...Your action here was petty and immature IMO.

 

Probably all true Elaine...but it felt so good.

[kenmore]

I have not dated yet I will wait until I am divorced he can be the ass. I have to say your wive wanted the divorce like mine so do as you please. Its their loss.

 

Thanks scatterd, I feel similarly. Taking a lady out is fine in my book, but I can wait to have sex. Guess it's pretty middle-of-the-road considering what people here are saying.

[whichwayisup]

You two are divorcing by her choice, therefore you do NOT need to run your personal life (a date) by her or let her know. It's none of her business what you do from now on.

[road]

Two mistakes.

 

 

Frist: Dating before you are divorced

Second: Telling your XW to be.

[Yasuandio]

If someone dumps you - One minute after she's dumping you - You're free to do anything you want with anybody including sex, 3somes, orgies, and sex with animals.

 

It's none of her business.

 

Yeah, and if she happens to be in your territory, you can rub it under her nose, too, so there. It's a free country. I salute you.

 

Bahahahahahahahahahaha!

 

Yas

[kenmore]

Yeah, and if she happens to be in your territory, you can rub it under her nose, too, so there. It's a free country. I salute you.

 

Bahahahahahahahahahaha!

 

Yas

 

LOL Yas! I appreciate your great perspective as usual!

[kenmore]

Well today did not go well. I did not communicate with my STBX, but I went in ready to move then dislocated my finger about a half hour in. I continued with the move and got all of the heavyweight large items moved, but now my finger looks like a grape flavored otter pop, except more puffy. I can feel it keeping accurate time too!

 

I still have another day of moving to go, but fortunately the truck rental people are cool and will allow me the use of the truck tomorrow without another rental charge. My finger will hate me more!

 

I'm still looking forward to being out! Once done, I think I can put my mind in a better place, and some temporary pain is worth that!

 

And I spent a little time with the "best cat ever", who has not forgotten me after all. She loved me and rolled on my foot, meowed and was properly distraught about the fact that I was taking a lot of stuff from her house (yes, the house belongs to the cat, of course!) LOL

 

Sad and yet feeling empowered. I'm so glad to be moving on at this point, and I never thought I'd be saying that! Half or more of a move done, and it has already affected my mindset. I am already so done with her!

 

Ken

[Decisiontomake]

I am already so done with her!

 

Ken

 

 

I'm sure that is some of the feeling of empowerment, but IMHO, it is more to do with taking action and steps forward, rather than no steps at all. Even though those steps can be full of emotional pain at points, they are by far better than nothing. Am rooting for you for sure.

[No Limit]

I trust you let a doctor take a look at your finger, right?