STBX angry about a date

[oldshirt]

When somebody breaks up with someone or when they file for divorce from them, they tear up their partner card and waive all claims to the other person.

 

The dumpee can then do whatever they please and there is no reason for them to inform their dumper of anything.

 

That is what breaking up is.

 

As someone else said above, once the dumper has put the period on the end of the "I break with thee." Sentence, the dumpee can date and have sex with whoever they want and there is not one single reason on the face of the planet that they should inform their dumper of it.

 

You had the right to date whoever you want and there's not a thing your ex can say or do about it.

 

However you told her out of spite and vengeance and did it just to stir the pot, so you also have to live with the stirred pot that made with your own hand.

 

My recommendation is in the future, just move on with your own business and keep your private affairs private. She has no need to know your personal business nor do you have any legitimate reason to tell her. You brought this on yourself.

[Mittens]

I've been married before, and I'm on good terms with my ex H. I see him at least once a week - not unusual, because we both have apartments in the same building! We cat sit for each other, borrow milk, etc. We get on far better now that we are no longer married. I've been with my FI for nearly 6 years, he's had a GF for about 3. I get on with her, too.

 

But...I do get irritated when I see him doing stuff with his GF that I always wanted to do when we were together. Some of it is silly stuff...like he will now happily get take out with her. When we were married, if I even suggested it, I'd get a long rant about how all take out food was crap, we had perfectly good food in the cupboards, etc...with me, he'd happily be late. One memorable occasion, I was waiting THREE HOURS for him to turn up...but with his GF he won't even be 10 minutes late.

 

Sometimes I feel like saying to ex H..."don't tell me this stuff, have a bit of tact, FFS!"

 

I'm not jealous, because I don't have to put up with ex H anymore. It's honestly a relief sometimes when he leaves...but it makes me wonder where I went wrong. What his GF is doing differently to me. My FI reckons I'm a far 'nicer' person (he's also met the GF on many occasions) ...which I suspect means 'laid back doormat'. The ex's GF just won't put up with his ****...she's got more respect for herself.

 

Anyway...I agree with Oldshirt. Keep this stuff to yourself. You can't stir the pot and then whinge if you get burnt.

[kenmore]

I trust you let a doctor take a look at your finger, right?

 

Um...am I supposed to do this?

 

Actually my STBX nagged me to get it looked at, but who has time? I had the rental for one day (which turned into two), and needed to move, not be in a doctors office.

 

That said, I definitely appreciate your concern, and will have it looked at...too late.

[kenmore]

I'm not whining, I'm just trying to understand the illogic of it all. To understand why she would give a crap. I realized today that as far as I'm concerned, I couldn't care less what she does, who she does it with or where they do it. I have detached myself as she should do, especially since she is the one who kept telling me we're "done".

 

Mittens, it sounds like you have not detached. Granted, living in the same apartment building (coincidence?) makes that tougher. That's why I never want to see her again after this. I was so pleased this afternoon when I said to myself that I never have to look at her backyard again. All my stuff is out of it. Same with the inside of the house (what's left is in the garage.) I do still have to pass through the house to get to the garage, but I never have to look in the bedroom again either!

 

It's closure, and I need it. Yes, I admit to still being emotionally attached and hurt. I wanted nothing more than to make it work, and I got crapped upon. It's time to turn away, delete her number, her email address, her emails and try my best to never look back. It's sobering but it's something I need to do. I made progress last week when I threw out her wallet photo.

 

Ken

[No Limit]

Um...am I supposed to do this?

 

Actually my STBX nagged me to get it looked at, but who has time? I had the rental for one day (which turned into two), and needed to move, not be in a doctors office.

 

That said, I definitely appreciate your concern, and will have it looked at...too late.

 

Well I'll be the next one in line to nag at you over this if you won't go.

[kenmore]

Well I'll be the next one in line to nag at you over this if you won't go.

 

Thanks No Limit! She nagged me enough this morning to go I almost didn't out of spite, then thought better of it. Another day shot, but at least now I know. Yes, it's fractured. Actually the X-ray kinda surprised me.

 

The finger next to it is one I dislocated about ten years ago, set it myself and never got to the Dr (no insurance, couldn't afford it so I taped it and let it go.) It healed crooked and is not attractive, and when the Dr saw that said if this one looked like that, he'd send me to surgery for a pin to straighten it. Fortunately, this one is straight and time should take care of it, so he gave me a left hand handshake and sent in the splint team.

 

He recommended I don't use it for awhile, but I need to finish this move (Geez there is so much stuff!), so I'll try to get it done tomorrow.

 

I definitely appreciate your concern and thoughts. Hugs!

 

Ken

[No Limit]

Thanks No Limit! She nagged me enough this morning to go I almost didn't out of spite, then thought better of it. Another day shot, but at least now I know. Yes, it's fractured. Actually the X-ray kinda surprised me.

 

The finger next to it is one I dislocated about ten years ago, set it myself and never got to the Dr (no insurance, couldn't afford it so I taped it and let it go.) It healed crooked and is not attractive, and when the Dr saw that said if this one looked like that, he'd send me to surgery for a pin to straighten it. Fortunately, this one is straight and time should take care of it, so he gave me a left hand handshake and sent in the splint team.

 

He recommended I don't use it for awhile, but I need to finish this move (Geez there is so much stuff!), so I'll try to get it done tomorrow.

 

I definitely appreciate your concern and thoughts. Hugs!

 

Ken

 

Good news then. I don't know what I'd do to go back in time and tell my mother to get me to the doctor when I was six, slipped while playing on wet wood and fell right on my face. Had a crooked one ever since that hurts occasionally from falling asleep face down and stuff like that.

[sandylee1]

Thanks No Limit! She nagged me enough this morning to go

 

 

 

She still cares about you then.

[kenmore]

She still cares about you then.

 

Yeah sandylee, I know she does. She hates me too much right now to not care. She used to love me so much as I loved her, but her love turned to hate and it stayed that way. The two are closely related because it takes such strong feelings to have either.

 

Even today the thought ran through my mind that when this hatred finally boils down, the warmth and love will probably come back, but sadly it's too late now.

 

Ken

[Majormisstep]

Why does she hate you Ken? That emotion will soften in time...

[kenmore]

Good news then. I don't know what I'd do to go back in time and tell my mother to get me to the doctor when I was six, slipped while playing on wet wood and fell right on my face. Had a crooked one ever since that hurts occasionally from falling asleep face down and stuff like that.

 

Yeah, in my case it was a motorcycle accident in the dirt. I was wearing shorts, laid the bike down with the muffler against my leg and got major burns. When I picked the bike up, my skin went with it like stretchy mozzarella on a pizza. I did not get medical care until my boss ordered me to go two days later, of course by then, the skin had died and it was infected big time. Obviously I still have a scar. You would think I'd learned a lesson...guess not lol.

 

Sorry to hear about yours. It must have been awful! Hugs

 

Ken

[kenmore]

Why does she hate you Ken? That emotion will soften in time...

 

I appreciate your perspective Majormisstep. If she ever softens it will be completely alien to me and what I know about her. Yes, she's human with all the frailties and emotions we all have, but she picks a path, right or wrong and sticks with it, and even if inside she softens, she won't outside.

 

Besides, the way I feel now, I don't want her back. She pushed me too much. She crossed some lines and there's no going back anymore. She had a chance to soften and work with me, she spat on it. Now it's just time to move on.

 

And the best news is! It's none of her friggin' business what I do with anybody, any body-part, my career, health or family. It's all up to me and she can go kill her own f*cking snails and wasps!

 

Wow, I can still edit this!!

 

Ken

Edited April 19, 2015 by kenmore

[Lion Heart]

I have found ExW's to be strange creatures at times.

I caught my Ex cheating, kicked her to the curb, she started living with the OM, when she came to get her things, she spent went out of her way rubbing salt in the wound telling me what a fantastic lover the OM was.

When a month later she discovered that I too had not slept alone, she totally fell apart.

Another female friend, had been divorced for a couple of years when I met her. I did not know all of the details, from what she told me and other friends, was that after marriage she realized she was not in love with her Ex, and how she wanted a career, which she had, over having a family. And how happy she was to have her career, she was a fashion buyer for a large high priced firm, and was being flown around the world.

Then came the night that her Ex was remarrying. I and some other people from the complex were enjoying the evening out by the pool. Her door was open, so we heard it all. It was a big pity party, with her and her female friends, most of whom had also divorced their first H's, and they were all crying and wailing at what they had lost. I remember my friend kept coming back to "That b**ch is probably F**ing my husband right now" and how much she loved him.

Being as she was a close friend in the following days she wanted to talk about it with me. When I pointed out how often she had told me how happy she was to have left him for her career. Why was she so upset. As she put it, I was not a woman so I could never understand. She was truly heart broken that her H no longer loved her and was now in love with another woman. In her mind he was cheating on her.

 

Ok 2.50, I'm a man all over again! Lol.

 

I REALLY AND TRULY think we MUST be talking about specific personality types in both sexes because EXACTLY the same things happened to me. But I maintain I am a woman lol!

 

My first H & I were divorced and I found out that we had remarried within 1 month of each other a number of years later.

I was pretty "meh" (hope she knows what she's in for type of thinking). That was about 23y ago. But HE, yeah STILL MARRIED, has super sleuth tracked me down so many times that I'm gobsmacked. THIS YEAR I found out that he's planning to fly interstate no less to gate crash MY school reunion. Not his year and he's certainly not invited.

 

Once I got the opportunity to ask him why he keeps tracking me down. He said this: "once a man marries a woman, he owns her for the rest of his life". Ok. Freak out. No. No way! That's crazy talk!

 

But then let's fast forward to H number 2 shall we? Yep. Same.

He completely agreed with H number 1s theory of M AFTER I left him. Even after he M again. I felt so sorry for his soon to be W, that I spent a night trying to talk her out of it after she came crying to ME over him! Did she listen? Was I jealous? No way on earth! At first I was happy he was marrying again because then he'd leave me alone. But he didn't. Mental.

 

And now Joy of Joys! And no, I'm kidding you not. THIS H said he thought THAT ^^^^^ thinking was CRAZY, ridiculous, stupid even..... yeah..... until now. Today.

 

I sure can pick 'em. I think they've all got overblown entitlement issues. Fancy thinking you "love" the person you kicked to the curb. It's gotta be something else. It's not just women. It's men too - trust me.

 

Lion Heart.

[Lion Heart]

Sorry for the t/j Ken ^^^^

 

I think it's weird that your stbxw reacted negatively about your date. You'd think she'd be happy that you're moving on away from her.

TBH I think she knows you're a good catch and the date spiked a jealousy chord. She knows you'll make another gal very happy but she may not know that her "hardness" was the wall that didn't allow you to make her happy.

 

Crazy love pretty much sucks.

 

Take your time on the next one but have STACKS of fun!!!!!

 

:-)) Lion Heart.