Boyfriend doesn't seem interested in the relation ship anymore

[neka3112]

Hi everyone. I'm new on here but while I was reading, I thought that maybe a second third or fourth opionion about my relationship would help me out. So if you can, reply. My story is too long, but i'll try to list small things that concern me. I have been w/ my b/f for 1 year and 2 mo. yesterday (yep - since v-day of last year) . We were talking before that, but valentines day is when we officially hooked up.

 

I have no idea what to do about our relationship anymore. We argue ALL the time, and our phone conversations are sooooo boring. we used to have so much to talk about, but now we just sit there. He used to email me and do sweet things or say things to make me laugh, but now I guess he feels like he doesn't have to. The only time we have a long conversation is when we are arguing or talking about our issues. He says that i am too sensitive, and that i think that EVERYTHING is important even when things are small. I mean jeez, i'm a female, so of course talking to him on the phone is important to me. Of course little sweet things are important.

 

He is in Mexico right now on a business leave, so I only get to talk to him when he calls me, but when he calls me we talk for like 3 minutes. The rest of the 20 is silence. First, he is 3 hours behind my time, and he stays busy at work. So i ask him just to take few moments out to call and see how i'm doing. He thinks I complain to much, and that I just dont want to be w/ him anymore. He'll hang out after work all night..and then call me when it is like 10 his time. I have to get up at 5, so calling me at one o clock is stupid. I still try to get up and talk, but even when i waste my precious sleeping time, he'll say, "Okay baby, i'm tired. I'll ttyl" He falls asleep on me soooo much. There so much that I dont like. Maybe I"m being too sensitive about all this stuff, but it sux that we just can't get along now. This is the first time that i've ever really been in love - i can tell b/c its one of those situations where you can't explain why you love someone, you just know you do.

 

I dont want to let him go. He says that he only wants to be w/ me, but for some reason - we just cant get it right. I spend a lot of my time crying. I"ve never cried this much - i'm normally tough. There's so much more, but here's a beginner...so if you can help - please try. Thank you all so much

[Merin]

Well I guess a good place for you to start here is in asking yourself what you DO like about him?

 

There are things that will be important and non-important to both of you... and a lot of times when you compare notes on those items, they won't be the same...

 

If your phone conversations are boring.. while it may be him.. it's you as well.

 

My advice.. talk to him not at him.. explain to him why you feel the way you do don't complain to him.. accept resposibility for your end of the relationship and do what you can to make things better... can't lay it all at his door and expect miracles...

 

Good Luck

[slubberdegullion]

Originally posted by Merin

My advice.. talk to him not at him.. explain to him why you feel the way you do don't complain to him..

 

Coming from the other side of the chromosome divide, I don't know if this would get neka the result she wants.

 

Women are emotional, and rely a lot on feelings. Men, while having an emotional side, are much more wired for logic and reason.

 

One's not better than the other. We need both to be able to make decisions that maintain our integrity.

 

If you speak to your man and base the conversation on feelings and emotions, you'll lose him before the end of the first sentence. You may as well be speaking another language, because, essentially, that's what you'd be doing.

 

But the other side of the argument is that if you speak only the language of logic and reason, you'll probably be perceived as manipulative.

 

So you'll have to incorporate both components to make an argument that works for you and makes sense to him. Try something like this (emotional statements are red, logic statements are blue):

 

I [color=red]feel[/color] upset because you don't seem to be as engaged with me as you used to be. [color=blue]I've invested a lot into this relationship[/color] but [color=red]I'm afraid[/color] you're pulling away. So [color=blue]before either of us makes decisions about where we're going[/color], I'd like to [color=red]share our expectations and desires about this relationship.[/color]

 

So, it's not all about feelings and it's not all about reason. It's about both.

 

Good luck!