Sweet Beginnings with a Bitter End - My story (Why NC must be followed) Updated

[minime13]

If you had a messy break-up, then your pool of potential future dates probably shouldn't be among her friends.

 

If you want to go to the party to get out and have fun, then go for it. If you're looking to meet other girls, don't look to your exes friends and acquaintances. Besides, if the break-up was that messy, they probably have heard about you and it (and likely not good things), so you probably won't have any luck there.

[Maverick27]

She doesnt know any of the girls - that i know of. And she cheated on me - so i dont know how she would have justified that to make her sound like the good one.

[SycamoreCircle]

She doesnt know any of the girls - that i know of. And she cheated on me - so i dont know how she would have justified that to make her sound like the good one.

Maybe you don't know how, but she does.

 

The world is a big place. Why cozy up to thorns? College is nothing but attractive, single women. College is nothing but parties. Why put yourself in an awkward position?

 

Resist drama.

[dangerbang]

Ridiculous thread. What are you looking for here? Who in their mind will tell you to go? Go and see Mad Max or something, that's what I'm doing tomorrow night

[David87]

Dont go, its awkward.

[erklat]

Yes. Definitely skip this one. You're not in the shape to handle this.

 

Also I'm starting to suspect you're deliberately creating drama for

yourself.

[dangerbang]

Also I'm starting to suspect you're deliberately creating drama for

yourself.

 

100% this is the case. Addicted to the drama.

[Diezel]

100% do NOT go.

If this were a year after, fine. But right now, no.

 

You just made a thread a week ago with all the angry things you wanted to tell her. That sentiment will come back upon seeing her.

 

Specially if you don't know anyone else there. It'll come down to you just checking up on your ex all the time.

 

Avoid that scenario. Excuse your absence to your friend and say something came up and you won't be able to make it.

[hunk]

No brainer, don't even think about going. It won't even be fun. You'll know one person. You'll be miserable all night. Deep down you know this. No one here is going to tell you to go - deep down you also know this.

[Maverick27]

Yes deep down i know this.

 

I want to see if my current indifference translates into seeing her in person. But i guess thats not a theory worth testing if im wrong.

 

Still, just sucks that she's preventing me from doing something i want to do.

[Diezel]

Do not test it. You will fail.

[elaine567]

You are going to be the spectre at the feast here.

The ditched no good bf, getting quietly drunk in the kitchen, or storming off angry and upset, whilst your ex surrounded by her friends whisper about you, laugh at you and diss you.

The fact she cheated will now be fine in the eyes of her friends, you were a no- hoper anyway.

 

Do NOT go.

[Satu]

Yes deep down i know this.

 

I want to see if *my current indifference translates into seeing her in person. But i guess thats not a theory worth testing if im wrong.

 

Still, just sucks that she's preventing me from doing something i want to do.

 

*The fact that you created this thread demonstrates that you're not indifferent.

[Maverick27]

Maybe i've mis-interpreted the concept of indifference.

 

By saying I'm indifferent, i mean that i know that we are never getting back together and nor do i want to.

 

Yes, i'd like the OLD relationship back, before all of this went down. But, since the present is the present and the past DID happen, no, i could never have a future with her.

 

To feel absolute indifference where you can look at them just like another stranger would take years, i imagine.

 

So are you saying i should avoid (as much as possible) all social events that she will be attending until i reach this EXPERT level indifference?

[Satu]

*Maybe i've mis-interpreted the concept of indifference.

 

**So are you saying i should avoid (as much as possible) all social events that she will be attending until i reach this EXPERT level indifference?

 

*Yes, you have.

 

**No. In my case, I'm saying that you're not ready to do this yet.

[Maverick27]

Ok. I'm not going to go. I mean that.

 

I DONT want anymore drama. I'm very tired of all this, i just want to have a good time and laugh and smile - but i guess that this PARTICULAR party is'nt going to give me that.

[David87]

So are you saying i should avoid (as much as possible) all social events that she will be attending until i reach this EXPERT level indifference?

 

Yes, that's spot on.

[erklat]

I sent that kind of mail that you opened a thread about some two months into the breakup.

 

You have a long way to go to genuinely not giving a fnck.

 

For comparison, I in my frame of mind would not like to meet her. Even though that I ultimately

succeeded in all life scenarios since she dumped me.

 

There will be relapses. You're in a bad shape all around.

[elaine567]

 

So are you saying i should avoid (as much as possible) all social events that she will be attending until i reach this EXPERT level indifference?

I would avoid them, because one day she will be there with the new bf acting like he is the best thing since sliced bread, or announcing their engagement, or she will be there flirting openly with guys, or acting like a drunken tart with every guy in the room, apart from you.

How "indifferent" will you be then?

[lolablue17]

Don't give up so easily!

 

If you can manage to be in the party, say a short "Hi" to her with a smile, and then go intervening with the other people, do it. In addition to the regular fun, you'll be winning big time. Winning you independency, and she will see that you don't need her. It's a great prise for you.

 

Only you think you can't do it - don't go. You can call your friend who invited you and tell her that you don't know any of the people there, and is she willing to help you and once in a while pay a little attention to see if you're connected Ok, and when you're not she can help you with that.

[Diezel]

So are you saying i should avoid (as much as possible) all social events that she will be attending until i reach this EXPERT level indifference?

 

For now, yes.

 

Specially if you are going alone and without a support group that is going with you or just anybody in general.

 

The social events she will go to aren't the only social events in the world.

 

Trust me, do yourself a favor, and avoid her.

You might say you are indifferent to getting back together with her, but you can't say 100% yet that you know how you will feel about her at ALL once you see her, specially at a place where you know no one else.

 

Don't go down that road.

 

And it doesn't take YEARS. But definitely a week is not enough time.

[BC1980]

Yes deep down i know this.

 

I want to see if my current indifference translates into seeing her in person. But i guess thats not a theory worth testing if im wrong.

 

Still, just sucks that she's preventing me from doing something i want to do.

 

You're not indifferent. Don't fool yourself into thinking that. If you didn't care, there would be no need to make a thread. Based on these past few weeks, you are nowhere near ready to see her in person. One day, you're raging, the next you're okay, the next you're wanting to write her an angry letter. That's all normal, but you're not at a place where you can see her.

[Ruby65]

Agree with everyone else: you're not ready to see your ex at a party, so don't go.

 

You're also nowhere near ready to start dating, so you can put a lid on that as well.

[dangerbang]

Buddy, right now you shouldn't be thinking about when you'll be able to be in the same room as her.

 

You should be coming to terms with the fact that you'll never see her again, and doing whatever possible to never see her again.

 

Maybe one day you'll wake up and think of her and not give a f**k, with your Victoria's Secret angel girlfriend lay beside you, maybe then you can go to the same social events. But just get these notions out of your head for now.

[Chi townD]

Ok. I'm not going to go. I mean that.

 

I DONT want anymore drama. I'm very tired of all this, i just want to have a good time and laugh and smile - but i guess that this PARTICULAR party is'nt going to give me that.

 

 

Good Call! Don't go. Even if you THINK you're strong enough, you'd never know until you're faced with it. I mean, how would you react if she brought a date wit her? How would you feel if you found out that the guy she brought is the same guy she cheated on you with? If just reading that pisses you off just a little bit, then don't go.

 

 

And if you told me that you could handle seeing her with someone else and that's it wouldn't be a big deal. Then, you would probably be lying to me. It would get to you seeing her leaning in close to him. Or him whispering something to her and she starts to giggle. Or they disappear and you think hat they left and you go to the kitchen to grab another beer and there they are pressed up against the frig and kissing. That would probably make you go off.

 

 

Just stay away.