Bobbi7 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Sure, I can reach out to people, talk to them, be friendly as possible, invite them to tag along, etc, etc. Of course the other person will talk to me, but if they're NOT interested in a close friendship, then why bother making the effort? There has been times when I would initiate contact, be welcoming, etc, etc. Only to realize they keep using the "busy" excuse. No effort in seeing each other. Also, seeing that they "make" time for their other friends but not me....I'm at a point where I give up socializing with others. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 'No one owes you a friendship' Yes. Of course it's true. Everyone chooses their friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Friendships are predicated on what resources you bring to the table for others to indulge in: Do you have wealth? Are you funny? Can you attract the opposite sex around? Are you smart? Are you popular? If you don't have something other people value, your efforts are fruitless. I'd say most friendships are superficial, and short lived, most of the time. I wouldn't beat yourself up over not having many; there are so many in the same situation. As you get older this seems to be the norm. If you were lucky enough to make one "best friend", you made out well. I hardly ever reach out to do things with people, because it isn't worth it. I am semi-social when I need to be, and then go on to do my own thing when it is all said and done. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 To the title, IMO true. No one owes anyone anything, save for some of us owing the IRS taxes in a few days. Heh... Social interactions are voluntary and without guarantee. Personally, when I choose to interact, such interactions are, to the extent they are focused away from myself and in favor of another, a gift. Gifts are necessarily without expectation so, if nothing results, that's OK. On to the next gift. Fortunately, they're a renewable resource and I'm in complete control of who they're given to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 Friendships are predicated on what resources you bring to the table for others to indulge in: Do you have wealth? Are you funny? Can you attract the opposite sex around? Are you smart? Are you popular? If you don't have something other people value, your efforts are fruitless. I'd say most friendships are superficial, and short lived, most of the time. I wouldn't beat yourself up over not having many; there are so many in the same situation. As you get older this seems to be the norm. If you were lucky enough to make one "best friend", you made out well. I hardly ever reach out to do things with people, because it isn't worth it. I am semi-social when I need to be, and then go on to do my own thing when it is all said and done. I don't get why some people think its soo easy to try to make "friends." I get ragged on because they tell me why I don't have many friends. Well, I do make an effort, but if that other person isn't interested, it just stops there. Maybe other people have more to offer-money, beach homes, designer clothes..geez. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 You don't owe anybody anything, no. But myself, I try to socialize with anybody who is in general a good hearted person. If that person is boring, then I might not hang out with them every week, but if it's, say a co-worker, then I'll talk with them, listen to what they have to say, laugh at their jokes, grab a beer with them, sure. From my life, I have been blown off when I'm just sitting there trying to have a conversation with somebody more than I can count, so I try not to do that to other people. Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 The problem is that most people think they are awesome when, in essence, they got so little to offer to me. I have a few co-workers that thing they can change my life around but what I see from them is that they are painfully annoying to me and everyone else in the store so the only people that even try to contact them is almost like them (just as annoying to be around). They smoke, which I avoid completely as a non-smoker. They have less respect for people around them, which gives me more reason to get as much distance from them as possible. They offer their friendship, I threw it in the trash. I did nothing to advance this state but yet they are so desperate that they can't get the hint that I don't want them anywhere around me. In a way, you can say that I am using them. When it comes down to it, almost everyone that tries to be friends with me, I wish they just disappear completely. All they are doing is making my stressful life harder, not easier. I know I got very very little to offer in material things and that's fine. But, at the least, I don't go around acting like I do have a lot to offer when I know I don't. It is a shame everyone else around me thinks otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 The best way to make friends is to do activities that involve other people, whatever that is: a hobby or sport, school, work, a study group. You have to find people who enjoy the same things you do. Link to post Share on other sites
E-Squared Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 I remember years ago, a friend of mine wanted me to try making friends so that I could get out of the house more. He didn't like me being at home a lot, and I understood that. But what annoyed me is that he tried pushing me to try talking to coworkers or other people and try making friends with them. He tried giving me the "Be confident" cliche, and tried getting me to get out of my shell. At the time, I was a little less trusting of people because of something that happened to me a year before. I remember a female coworker befriended me and even tried to act like she was my friend, only to realize that she was using me. I should have known from the start at that time. So I didn't feel like making friends with people because of that. It still sort of annoyed me that he was trying to push me to make friends with people. Even a female coworker was surprised about my rather small network of people who I connect with, but she was a chatty-Kathy because she talked to a lot of people. And this was all because they wanted me to get out more and hang out with people on a Friday or Saturday night, because I guess in their case it's out of the norm to be home on a Friday or Saturday night. This was a long time ago by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 I prefer to extend that to "no one owes you anything". But the principle stands. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 I just get angry that no one wants my friendship. Meanwhile everyone else has their best friends by their side 24/7. Am I that boring? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Maybe you're too pushy or expect too much from friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Don't take this badly but maybe you are not a pleasure to be around, you can do things to work on that you know, even the idea that you might be "owed" friendship makes me wonder a little bit, sorry! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I have had an interesting thing with this girl from program. I ask her how she is doing. She tells me I'm focusing on family and school this semester. Not sure if she has maritial problems or is failing class. I can't make someone be a friend. I have told her I'm there for her if she ever needs anything. That is all I can do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 If they don't appreciate you, don't appreciate them right back. You don't owe them friendship either. Reminds me how a few days ago in a MMO some of the newer (female!) players just went to me and a few buddies and said "Hey you guys look cool let's be friends". Or how I tried in kindergarden (my second one due to moving; kids from "perfect families" whose friendships were set up due to the position of the family houses) to attract friends by trumping them with ever better toys - but even when I asked them "Can I play with you now?" while holding the same toy of often an even better brand I was rejected. tl;dr Chances are the people you'd like to be friends with now, really aren't the kind of people you'd want as friends. Of course a complete stranger won't be impressed by just saying hello, but unless you manage to strike up a conversation about some hot new topic it's considered to be weird to even approach someone else. We might live closer together than ever, but we're just all the more apart because we've locked down almost all means of communication with each other it seems. Except for Facebook... Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 One sided friendships are ridiculous, they aren't friendships at all, Being there for someone in times of need, but they aren't there for your fall, Shared interests, laughter, hobbies without an agenda as well, But to always demand help without giving any, that's just selfish as hell. It's up to you to decide how you want your friendships to be, Caring and nurturing, or one-sided and manipulative with a fee, Cut out those who don't show mutual respect and help you too, Otherwise you'll find people may be willing to always use you. Link to post Share on other sites
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