leia1028 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 (edited) I'm an extremely submissive person. I give in to easily...maybe since I was raised with an older controlling sister and a controlling mom. I love them both, but whatever they said goes. I feel like I need to get out of being a submissive person. I don't have my own voice and having the strength to say what I want. When I argue with my family and friends, I easily give in, apologize, and agree to do what they want. Being this kind of person makes it easier for others to control me and know I'll do what they say. I also feel like I need to make everyone happy and be liked by everyone (which i know is impossible, but I try to). Also in a past relationship I would do whatever my ex told me to do. I want to improve myself and have healthier relationships with other people, because being submissive doesn't make me feel powerless and have no say in anything. I would greatly appreciate advice, comments, or anything encouraging, it would be highly appreciated. I know I need a better mindset and have the strength to stand up for myself and stop giving in and apologizing for everything. Thank you for reading! Edited April 12, 2015 by leia1028 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Start small. Express an opinion about what you want to eat or watch on TV. Then work up to being your own person. And stop apologizing unless you know deep in your soul & the pit of your stomach that you affirmatively went out of your way to hurt somebody, or there was legitimately an accident that was your fault. For example, if you aren't looking where you are walking & bump into somebody say you are sorry. If you are standing there stock still minding your own business & they bump into you, look at them until they say sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 First, reduce contact with people who act controlling towards you. Second, practice being assertive with friends. If you want, you could tell them what you're trying to do. If they are good friends they should act supportive. That's the easiest way to start. Start small and build up your confidence. Stand up for yourself in small situations - sending back a dish at a restaurant if they gave you the wrong thing, saying no thanks to a pushy date. Controlling people can be the most difficult to stand up to, so I suggest reducing or cutting contact with them until you feel ready to deal with them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 (edited) I'm an extremely submissive person. I give in to easily...maybe since I was raised with an older controlling sister and a controlling mom. I love them both, but whatever they said goes. I feel like I need to get out of being a submissive person. I don't have my own voice and having the strength to say what I want. When I argue with my family and friends, I easily give in, apologize, and agree to do what they want. Being this kind of person makes it easier for others to control me and know I'll do what they say. I also feel like I need to make everyone happy and be liked by everyone (which i know is impossible, but I try to). Also in a past relationship I would do whatever my ex told me to do. I want to improve myself and have healthier relationships with other people, because being submissive doesn't make me feel powerless and have no say in anything. I would greatly appreciate advice, comments, or anything encouraging, it would be highly appreciated. I know I need a better mindset and have the strength to stand up for myself and stop giving in and apologizing for everything. Thank you for reading! If you ever met me, you'd never imagine that I used to be like you until my early 20s. I think I picked this up from my mum. I think it's called "people pleasing", google it. I was taught that this is good manners, but at some moment I found out that I disagree. The good news is that it's just a habit. It's not a personality trait. For some reason you're afraid to rock the boat. And for some reason you think that if you submit you'll keep a relationship with a person smooth. Why? Only you know for real. For example: ~ Maybe you think someone will not love you anymore if you object. Wrong. NO ONE can love you if you never object, because no one knows the real you. ~ Maybe you're afraid of conflict's consequences. Don't be afraid of them, most of the times conflict brings you closer to someone. ~ You have low self-esteem and you put higher value on others' opinion and needs, you think yours don't matter that much. They do, because they're there and they're yours. ~ You think your gut instinct is something ridiculous and inaccurate. But gut instinct is one of the most precious things we have. ~ You think calling people out is rude. It's not. People who want to walk over you are rude. You are logical. How can you fight it? You need to decide that you want to change, and consciously do what's good for you. Small steps. Maybe in the beginning you won't always manage to assert yourself, but after a couple of years you'll see a very big difference. I used to be really scared to react negatively, and now I always call people out on their BS. I show annoyance directly. I have rules in my house. If someone disrespects my perception or my emotions I kick them out of my life. I promise you, the first time you say "I don't think so" will feel terribly good and you'll be addicted. You also need to come in touch with your self and your feelings. They're there, but they;re used to being ignored. Be sincere with yourself and your thoughts and feelings. Once you start to express yourself a big weight will go away, and your relationships with people will be of a lot better quality. You don't want people to like you because you're their subordinate, you want them to like you because you're you. Good luck You can do it! Edited April 13, 2015 by regine_phalange 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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