truncated Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Thank You! So sick of experiencing this even in a Million-person like Calgary. So ridiculous. LDS =/= polygamous. Don't know much about the Mormon religion, other than that we sometimes get missionaries coming to our door trying to poroselytize. They seem like nice enough people so I try and be polite, and ever since I put the Darwin fish on the door, they haven't stopped to knock... but i digress The only time I have ever heard of this working ( at least in the eyes of the man involved) is when the person has grown up with it as part of their culture, or the original wife is non monogamous and bisexual. that way, she gets something out of it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I'm laughing because I'm wondering if either of these options is less absurd given he's already cheating. I have a feeling him asking his wife for an open marriage or for her to be sister wives with his OW will both be quite a lot. Now that you mention it though, sister wives may come off as more offensive. They are both offensive. Well its already an open marriage for him. Now he just needs to ask his wife if she is ok with it. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 My husband proposed the sister wife scenario to both myself and OW and we both declined. It was the only thing OW and I saw eye to eye on. He was very sincere with the idea, pitching to me the benefits, how she would help me with the cooking and cleaning (indoor 24/7 help with the housework, shopping and cooking did give me a moment of pause ) But overall it was like looking at a person talking seriously about flying to the moon with fairy wings. He was really wishing upon a star, wanting so badly to come up with a scenario where he could have us both. But no, I wouldn't have accepted the idea because he brought me into the discussion too late. The only ways I could imagine this "working" are: 1. The BW would have to be terribly insecure and sub and willing to go along with anything her husband said. 2. BW and OW already know each other and happen to be attracted to each other as well as the husband. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I've known of this happening, but not in the western world. In my country of origin it happens a bit. The wife doesn't really like it, but due to financial reasons and because of the kids, she stays. If she left, she would have had to leave the kids. It's a patriarchal nation. My mom told me of a case where the wife accepted it, but was sneakily mean to the mistress. Like putting laxatives in her husband's food when it was the OWs night with him. She pulled some other stunts like that on the downlow, some involving the OWs kids, but nothing life threatening. In the end the OW had enough of it and left. Link to post Share on other sites
Hardgrind Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I am a BH. My WW proposed something similar after DDay. My response was that she could certainly have two men.....(at which point her elation was palpable )......until I continued with "but I am not going to be one of them". Neither she nor your MM wanted to have to make a choice, so in my case I made the choice to D. Can it work out......maybe, but...... Her husband has made the choice, it wasn't a mutual decision. She might buy into it because of low self esteem... She might really be okay with the arrangement My best guess though is she will be traumatized when she learns about the A (I certainly was) and her thoughts on the situation after six months may be the opposite of her initial traumatized reaction. If you decide to try it, tighten up your seat belt because it will be a long bumpy ride. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I think he's just stringing you along and trying to buy time. Unless his wife has low self esteem and doesn't think she deserves better, there is now way she will be ok with it. As for you, do you really want to share this man the rest of your life? I know being in an affair we are technically sharing but it's either with the the hope that the AP will one day be just ours or it's just for sex and the person doesn't want more. I love my AP and ended it but of he came to me with this I would tell him to go buy a cake and eat it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 OP, when are you two going to sit down with the BS and ask her about this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tobrieornottobrie Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 It sounds like you've really been through a lot of pain in your life, so I guess my question to you is, what if you were his wife and the roles were reversed, do you think that you would be open to the sort of arrangement that you are suggesting? Have you thought about the effect that this could have on the other people effected by this situation? (Your kids, extended family, friends?)... Have you thought about the toll that this situation could potentially take on you? I would hate to see you put yourself in a position to undergo more pain. It may be really helpful to take a HUGE step back and try to observe the situation from a different perspective. What if your best friend were coming to you with this situation, or better yet, what if it were your daughter... What advice would you offer to her? And, what if your best friend or daughter were in the position of the MM's BW... What advice would you then give? All of this to say, I really hope that you try to have a clear perspective on this situation. Speaking with a trusted friend or counselor may be helpful. Wishing you the best. the brie's cheese knees Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 It does happen back home, but it's more a case of the BW accepts (ie puts up with) *the situation* than the BW accepting the OW. BW will tolerate their H having GFs provided they are discreet, that they never meet the GF and are never forced to acknowledge her existence, and that the BW's standard of living (and that of her children) do not suffer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 I wouldn't say my MM's wife "accepted" it and we're certainly not friends. She has swept it under the rug, though and basically told him to make sure he keeps it out of the public view. That's not ideal, of course, and our situation is a bit unique in some ways. Also, I am only still holding on b/c I love him so very much, but there is a limit to how much of my life I'm willing to sweep under the rug. *I* am not a rug sweeper and want a relationship that's out in the open. MM knows this and I don't think BW would have told him/allowed what she has if she knew the extent of the relationship and what it entailed. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 I wouldn't say my MM's wife "accepted" it and we're certainly not friends. She has swept it under the rug, though and basically told him to make sure he keeps it out of the public view. a lot of BSs do that, so in a way... to answer the OP's question... it is possible to live like that for a loooooong, long time. however - when a BS "accepts" the situation, he or she usually do it because they know their spouse isn't going anywhere (for this or that reason). especially if the A lasts for years. OP - i wonder, why does your MM think that his W would be up for this? i'm curious, does he not know her at all (is that even possible?) or is there a chance of some kind that she would be okay with something like that? Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Op as per your thread title ... I am a bs and... In most cases bs will never accept another woman . And usually a B's finding out about an affair ....is a beginning to an end of the affair ...yours is a disaster waiting to happen not only are you guys lying/ cheating etc....you guys are teaming up to introduce polygamy to his wife as a compromise ... Do you really believe that everyone has weak boundaries like you and your mm.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts