I can't seem to stop being a (relationship) recluse when pressure mounts

[sk0r3]

I'm in a somewhat LDR and whenever the stress mounts and overwhelms me (for whatever reasons) i can't help but run and hide. My girlfriend of 11 months doesn't mind it all that much except when i just "disappear" without notice. Something that i have done recently (maybe 3 times in the span of 11 months). I don't know, at first i thought what i did was normal and has apparently become habitual to the point giving her a 'notice' of a coming hiatus has become ridiculously difficult. I can't seem to do it. There are probably factors that are holding me back that i haven't fully understood yet. I haven't had contact with her for 3.5 days. I tried messaging her yesterday and she now obviously doesn't want to talk to me (just yet, i hope).

 

I know that what i did was wrong but how wrong? And how do i prevent it?

 

When friends ask me (in an attempt to aid my empathy for her), "what if she did something like that to you?" i would say that i'd try to understand her first and then expect an explanation later i.e. - it would be quite alright with me & i think i'd understand it if she did that - maybe because i'm like that myself, i don't know.

 

Has anybody else experienced something like this? I would really like to know.

 

Thanks.

[sk0r3]

By the way, it might help to add that i'm finding it difficult to feel a significant amount of remorse for my actions (or lack thereof). I dunno, maybe i'm just thick (I can't figure out why i don't & apparently why i should). If i barely feel any remorse, how do i even begin to seek reconciliation?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Is this disappearing act something that has been a part of past relationships, or is it something you find yourself doing only in this particular relationship?

[sk0r3]

Hmm. I would have to say, Yes. Not as frequent (most likely attributed to less stress/pressure) and differing situations but the essence of the act, still there.

 

If it helps any i'm 22.

[EC]

Committment phobe? I dunno I did the same thing? I tried with this currend bf and yet hes the first one that doesn't let me 'run away' as well call it. He already knows when its coming and he knows how to deal with it.

 

I figured out the reason I want to run away are the times when the love I feel for him becomes very intense. I feel so much and I get scared that I will be hurt or The thought of him not in my life scares me so much that I try to run away from it before anything can happen so that I will be ok.

 

I dont know if that makes sense to you but thats what happens to me. Im working on it though. Haven't tried to run away for a while now lol

 

Also I realized I try to run away when the distance becomes to much to handle and I just want to say F*ck it all.

[sk0r3]

I figured out the reason I want to run away are the times when the love I feel for him becomes very intense. I feel so much and I get scared that I will be hurt or The thought of him not in my life scares me so much that I try to run away from it before anything can happen so that I will be ok.

 

Interesting. Mine is different but i can sense where you're coming from, particularly the fear part. Oh, and the "f*ck it" part somewhat. In analyzing the 3 instances of my 'running away' as you've put it, what has stopped me from communicating is first some external factor then a slight annoyance with her - enough for me to not want to communicate initially. Then before i can back out, irritating memories start flashing back & i feel like, "f*ck it".

 

This is the part that scares me. I feel as though subconsciously, i'm vexed by her! (i hope it's just at that particular point in time tho!). I don't understand it. Maybe it's because i keep all my annoyances all bottled up and refraining from communication is my only outlet. Or maybe in a sick kind of way to get even???