Am I right to distance myself from her if she has a boyfriend?

[fmfan08]

So there's this girl at work who I've flirted with and she flirts back playfully, I can definitely see some interest. She's given me a nervous/shy smile as I walked past, noticed her looking at me from a distance.

 

She also gets me to help her, such as she heard someones footsteps and shouted my name despite not knowing who it was and asked me to remove a shelf for her. I've noticed she speaks quite softly/quiet with me compared to others.

 

The problem is she has a boyfriend, and I respect that enough not to make any further advances on her.

 

Although there is some guy at work who talks to her (not her bf) and I can't help but feel jealous. I'm pretty sure she recognises this as she seems to openly flirt/joke around with him loudly when I'm around.

 

I've ended up acting distant with her. I feel like I'm doing this because I don't want to get "too attached" especially as she has a boyfriend and I'd rather not feel jealous either.

 

I noticed when we were going to the shop (after work) as a group I felt a little jealous of her talking to the other guy so I ended up walking ahead into the shop, buying my drink then exiting with my friend telling him an excuse that I needed to catch the bus. He mentioned to the girl that we were having to go.

 

The next day as I walked into work to start my shift, I said hello to my mate but I walked past her as she was working. After half an hour I noticed I hadn't seen her and asked someone where she was, but got told she went home because she felt ill.

 

I feel bad wondering if she went home because of me distancing myself, or whether it was pure coincidence.. But I can't imagine she'd leave her shift 7 hours early because I've distanced myself from her, however it seemed really odd.

 

Was I right to distance myself from her? I don't want to get too attached to a girl that has a boyfriend, but I also feel jealous when I see this other guy around her..

Edited April 13, 2015 by fmfan08

[Trep]

She has a boyfriend and the fact that you're getting jealous shows that you're starting to get attached.

 

Definitely wise to distance yourself.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're already too attached. You're wise to continue distancing yourself from her. She's not available.

 

And I honestly doubt her going home had anything to do with you.

[PegNosePete]

This really should go without saying. Do not get involved with a woman who has a boyfriend.

 

It will end one of 3 ways:

- You get your lights punched out

- You get hurt

- You win her away from her bf and she cheats on you (if she cheats with you she will cheat on you)

 

Really there are very few workplace affairs that end well. Distance yourself.

[d0nnivain]

Her illness had nothing to do with the fact you did not say hello to her. If it did, she's a horrible employee who deserves to be fired.

 

 

Be courteous & professional at work when you see her. Distance is good. Failing to say hello is a bit childish. Saying hello is a greeting; it's not an invitation to have an affair.

[fmfan08]

She has a boyfriend and the fact that you're getting jealous shows that you're starting to get attached.

 

Definitely wise to distance yourself.

 

Yeah you're right. I don't want to be a dick about it because there's nothing wrong with her as a person, it's just I'd rather not be feeling like that everytime I'm around her at work.

 

I've never seen her with her boyfriend though, the jealousy is more of the guy at work who speaks to her.

[fmfan08]

And I honestly doubt her going home had anything to do with you.

 

Guess so, just felt like weird timing after I had arrived at work as she didn't look ill and isn't the sort of girl to let something like that stop her working. I'll put it down as coincidence.

[Diezel]

Yeah you're right. I don't want to be a dick about it because there's nothing wrong with her as a person.

 

I STRONGLY disagree.

[smackie9]

You need to chill. Don't blame the girl unless she is making sexual advances, then yes she is out of line too. A lot of this is your imagination because you are obsessed with her. We are only hearing from your perspective through jealous eyes. Your emotions are getting the best of you. The workplace is not a dating pool where you can drool over the female employees. Keep professional and courteous. When personal matters spill into your work life, it can jeopardize your job or someone else's job.

[Spectre]

Dude she has a boyfriend, but flirts with you. Why would you want a shady person like that? Also, if she has an INTEREST in you it means she is technically involved in some type of emotional affair with you then. So again I ask: why do you want the girl who flirts with other dudes even though she has a boyfriend? Who becomes "interested" in other dudes even though she has a boyfriend?

 

Seems like you aren't the only guy at work she even flirts with. So I'm all sorts of confused, this girl is not a prize, quite the opposite. There is totally something wrong with her as a person if she has a boyfriend and yet can't stop flirting with other dudes. You can ramp that up times a thousand if you are right in that she has a legitimate interest in you.

 

So there is absolutely no reason to get jealous over her showing attention to some other guy: because then it can be THAT guy whose emotions she plays with, not yours.

[casey.lives]

Yous shouldn't just distance yourself. you should move on. close that chapter

[Spectre]

You need to chill. Don't blame the girl unless she is making sexual advances, then yes she is out of line too. A lot of this is your imagination because you are obsessed with her. We are only hearing from your perspective through jealous eyes. Your emotions are getting the best of you. The workplace is not a dating pool where you can drool over the female employees. Keep professional and courteous. When personal matters spill into your work life, it can jeopardize your job or someone else's job.

 

Lady he said she FLIRTS BACK with him. Don't pin this all on him. Don't say she is blame less. She wouldn't be flirting with other dudes whilst dating someone if that was the case.

 

Worst case scenario that is the sign of a cheater, best case scenario it's the sign of an attention whore.

[fmfan08]

You need to chill. Don't blame the girl unless she is making sexual advances, then yes she is out of line too. A lot of this is your imagination because you are obsessed with her. We are only hearing from your perspective through jealous eyes. Your emotions are getting the best of you. The workplace is not a dating pool where you can drool over the female employees. Keep professional and courteous. When personal matters spill into your work life, it can jeopardize your job or someone else's job.

 

Oh yeah, I get what you're saying. She's a supervisor at our store so if she instructs me to do something then I do it because it's my job. I walked past her today and she told me what to do and I agreed, then just got on with it, no conversation.

 

Problem is she's put this other guy (that I mentioned before) on the aisle that she works on too, which so happens to be adjacent to the one I was told by her to work on (despite our duties sheet saying that I was supposed to be on a completely different aisle). I pretty much had to spend my entire shift listening to them talking and laughing to the point I finished the aisle I was on quickly then moved on to the one I was originally supposed to be on.

 

Hardly spoke to her though. At the end of the night, I ended up going upstairs 5 or so minutes before the rest of them to get a drink, go toilet etc but I think she may have noticed that. When she was talking to this guy whilst we were all clocking/signing out, she mentioned her boyfriend a lot to him. Probably the first time I've heard her even mention one, despite me knowing she was with someone.

 

Sorry for the essay, just easier to write it and get it off my chest. I have been taking another girl out and I do playfully joke with some of the girls who walk into our store so I'm hoping all this will blow over with the jealousy stuff.

Edited April 13, 2015 by fmfan08

[fmfan08]

Yous shouldn't just distance yourself. you should move on. close that chapter

 

I'm hoping to move on to a completely new job soon anyway. This retail job is a stop-gap until I can finally pursue my media career.

[Space Ritual]

I STRONGLY disagree.

 

 

I second That response totally.

 

OP,

 

If she is flirting around with you and some guy at work and has a steady BF on top of it, how do you think she would act if you were her BF and you were not around. Exactly the same.

 

The best course of action is to be courteous and professional, AND THAT'S IT.

Workplace romantic experiences are hazardous at best....think about the dope she is dating now. You don't want to be him.

[road]

She is only dating another. She is not engaged. She is not married. She is a free agent and so is her BF. So they can dump each other at will.

 

 

She can only like the BF enough to date though does not see herself marrying the BF.

 

 

She is fair game and so is her BF.

 

 

Remember dating is the job interview for marriage. Because people are dating regularly does not mean the relationship has to be forever.

[kendahke]

Oh yeah, I get what you're saying. She's a supervisor at our store so if she instructs me to do something then I do it because it's my job. I walked past her today and she told me what to do and I agreed, then just got on with it, no conversation.

 

Problem is she's put this other guy (that I mentioned before) on the aisle that she works on too, which so happens to be adjacent to the one I was told by her to work on (despite our duties sheet saying that I was supposed to be on a completely different aisle). I pretty much had to spend my entire shift listening to them talking and laughing to the point I finished the aisle I was on quickly then moved on to the one I was originally supposed to be on.

 

Hardly spoke to her though. At the end of the night, I ended up going upstairs 5 or so minutes before the rest of them to get a drink, go toilet etc but I think she may have noticed that. When she was talking to this guy whilst we were all clocking/signing out, she mentioned her boyfriend a lot to him. Probably the first time I've heard her even mention one, despite me knowing she was with someone.

 

Sorry for the essay, just easier to write it and get it off my chest. I have been taking another girl out and I do playfully joke with some of the girls who walk into our store so I'm hoping all this will blow over with the jealousy stuff.

 

 

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you are even a blip on her radar. You're just someone she supervises at work, along with others.

[Spectre]

She is only dating another. She is not engaged. She is not married. She is a free agent and so is her BF. So they can dump each other at will.

 

 

She can only like the BF enough to date though does not see herself marrying the BF.

 

 

She is fair game and so is her BF.

 

Err, nope. She isn't fair game if she is in a committed relationship. She is not a free agent unless she is in an open relationship with her boyfriend.

Edited April 14, 2015 by Spectre

[barcode88]

OH god this sounds like when I used to work in Retail Everyone was screwing everyone.

[road]

Err, nope. She isn't fair game if she is in a committed relationship. She is not a free agent unless she is in an open relationship with her boyfriend.

 

 

They are not engaged they are just dating. So either one can end it. No vows were taken.

Edited April 14, 2015 by road

[Space Ritual]

OH god this sounds like when I used to work in Retail Everyone was screwing everyone.

 

LOL

 

Like the stock room of Dollar General...the smell of illicit sex, pot, and shame...LOL

[Spectre]

They are not engaged they are just dating. So either one can end it. No vows were taken.

 

You do not need to take vows to be committed, so we can already scratch that notion. If they are dating..unless they are in an open relationship she is indeed not "fair game". She is a woman with a boyfriend. Just because there is no fancy ring or piece of paper doesn't mean there is no commitment, only the most superficial people would believe such a notion.

 

You say "either one can end it". Well of course anyone in a relationship can end it. Even if you HAVE taken vows you can end it if you decide. But you kind of aren't a "free agent" until you have ended it. You don't get to say "I have a boyfriend, but he hasn't put a ring on it so I am free to screw who I want" unless you've specifically had a talk with your partner about having an open relationship.

 

By this backwards view, it would mean that it is IMPOSSIBLE to ever cheat on someone unless you are engaged or married to them. Which is all kinds of untrue.

Edited April 15, 2015 by Spectre

[fmfan08]

She is only dating another. She is not engaged. She is not married. She is a free agent and so is her BF. So they can dump each other at will.

 

She can only like the BF enough to date though does not see herself marrying the BF.

 

She is fair game and so is her BF.

 

Remember dating is the job interview for marriage. Because people are dating regularly does not mean the relationship has to be forever.

 

 

Haha, I appreciate the advice but whilst technically not being tied to your other half through marriage, that you're still a "free agent", I still have respect for her relationship with her boyfriend. My problem is seeing her a lot at work and liking her as well.

 

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you are even a blip on her radar. You're just someone she supervises at work, along with others.

 

I do sense that she may like me, especially when I april fooled her a couple of weeks ago into making her thinking it was my last day for a split second. Obviously it was just a prank, but her face did drop and she seemed to be swallowing a lot asking me stuff like "you're not really going are you?" etc.

 

She responds positively back to my flirting. She literally has a conversation with all the guys there except me like she's avoiding me though, if I didn't initiate anything we'd rarely be talking. Notice she'll speak slower and softly with me compared to fast and talkative with others.

 

BUT I have to agree with the responses that if a girl is going to be like this whilst she has a boyfriend, who's to say she won't do the same if she was with me? I wouldn't be comfy with that.

 

I've had a think about all this and think it's best to not completely ignore her, it'll look childish. I will keep some distance though, because every lad at work talks to her except for me so I'd rather keep away from the dreaded friend zone which keeps a potential option open in the future. Heck, not to sound too cocky, but girls do seem to notice me when they're shopping so I'm confident in pursuing other girls.

 

Thanks for all the advice and for putting my mind at ease!

Edited April 15, 2015 by fmfan08

[Space Ritual]

Thanks for all the advice and for putting my mind at ease!

 

Your mind is not at ease. You will see her everyday at work, see how she responds when you start keeping your distance, and then will come the day when she gives you the puppy dog eyes, sways her hips like she needs fries to go with that shake and says to you " Why don't you talk to me? Don't you like me anymore?"

 

You'll be right back at it... Like a Fat Kid in a Bakery Shop...wantin some of that sweet ass on the side if you can get away with it.

 

You know it, I know it, The Forum Knows it, Francisco Franco even knows it. And he's been dead for almost 40 years.....lol.

 

Please update us when the real drama heats up.

[Chi townD]

 

 

 

the problem is she has a boyfriend, and i respect that enough not to make any further advances on her.

 

 

 

she has a boyfriend!!!!! Off limits!!! Find a girl that isn"t attached!!!!!