Am I right to distance myself from her if she has a boyfriend?

[fmfan08]

Your mind is not at ease. You will see her everyday at work, see how she responds when you start keeping your distance, and then will come the day when she gives you the puppy dog eyes, sways her hips like she needs fries to go with that shake and says to you " Why don't you talk to me? Don't you like me anymore?"

 

You'll be right back at it... Like a Fat Kid in a Bakery Shop...wantin some of that sweet ass on the side if you can get away with it.

 

You know it, I know it, The Forum Knows it, Francisco Franco even knows it. And he's been dead for almost 40 years.....lol.

 

Please update us when the real drama heats up.

 

Haha, I could write a book!

 

Nah, my mentality now is that she doesn't like me. I'm assuming this so I'm not getting my hopes up. Even if she might, she has a boyfriend so technically it might as well be she doesn't like me.

 

I kept my distance today but noticed she tried initiating some sort of contact. I just teased her back but kept it short and got on with what I was supposed to be doing.

 

End of today she made a jokey dig at me shouting my name going "Oi!! Get your skinny ass over here" smiling but it pissed me off more than anything, mostly because I'm a bit insecure with my physique at the moment and been trying to grow some mass. Obviously I don't want to be showing that something like that has affected me though, which makes me look weak.

 

I honestly can't be arsed anyway, it's a waste of time but I'm in a limbo style situation because we worth together. Least if I back off completely and she comes to me, I can just see it as an ego booster instead.

[preraph]

Well, while you're entertaining fantasies about how wonderful it would be if she left him and became your girlfriend, don't forget to remind yourself that she can't be trusted to not flirt even with men she works with, much less ones far less risky while she's supposedly in a relationship. How would you like to have to worry about that from now on?

[kendahke]

I do sense that she may like me, especially when I april fooled her a couple of weeks ago into making her thinking it was my last day for a split second. Obviously it was just a prank, but her face did drop and she seemed to be swallowing a lot asking me stuff like "you're not really going are you?" etc.

 

I don't take that as her liking you in the way in which you're alluding. To me, it sounds like the grind of putting in motion the wheels to replace you is what occurred to her more than you as a person she likes leaving. And one should never fool around with telling a supervisor that they're leaving. No telling who up the food chain she mentioned your "joke" to. As a subordinate, she's not going to tell you.

 

She responds positively back to my flirting. She literally has a conversation with all the guys there except me like she's avoiding me though, if I didn't initiate anything we'd rarely be talking. Notice she'll speak slower and softly with me compared to fast and talkative with others.

 

You're reading way too much into this. Really.

[Spectre]

If she's openly flirting back with him then I don't see how he is reading too much into it.

 

Or okay he said she "responds positively" to his flirting. Again, why is she doing that if he is reading too much into it? We know she has a boyfriend, so you'd think the moment a guy at work began flirting with her she'd 100% shut him down and tell him to stop. That..is not what has happened.

 

To be fair he might be reading too much into it even if she is flirting back since it's possible she is just an attention whore and enjoys the attention, and knows the attention isn't going to keep coming her way unless she flirts back every now and then.

 

So yeah..to the OP: the more we talk about this girl the more we realize she is really no prize.

[fmfan08]

Tbh he's right I am reading too much into it because really I shouldn't be reading anything into it if she's already with someone. She did seem genuinely gutted that I was "leaving" when I joked around from my view though (but then again, maybe it's what I wanted to happen?), but we all know each other on a personal level to joke with each other at work, that's why I like it there.

 

Today I teased her about her not making me a drink and when she offered to make me one I teased her about her bad "cup of tea making skills". She responded positively again. Another example was her handing me a clipboard to sign something as a witness (some confidential stuff), she kept handing it back to me because she forgot to get my signature on certain stuff so I joked "are you going to get me to colour it in next?" and she smiled saying "I might do".

 

But yeah, she probably just likes the attention. She isn't single and Spectre, as you say, the more we talk about her, the more we realise she's no prize. Time to back off completely without acting rude. If she wants to flirt, I'll flirt back but anything further then it has to be legit, she has to have no ties to a boyfriend, etc. I'll live and learn from this.

Edited April 18, 2015 by fmfan08

[Clockwork]

This is what I always say. Leave another man's rhubarb alone. Don't be "that" guy who steals another man's girl.

 

 

If she wants to leave him she can. She is not married to him, she did not say any vows, there isn't a ring, etc. It is her choice and the ball is in her court. She can change it any time.

 

 

I would say though, if it is a married woman, stay away even more. That's now a man's wife, not just his girlfriend.

[fmfan08]

This is what I always say. Leave another man's rhubarb alone. Don't be "that" guy who steals another man's girl.

 

 

If she wants to leave him she can. She is not married to him, she did not say any vows, there isn't a ring, etc. It is her choice and the ball is in her court. She can change it any time.

 

 

I would say though, if it is a married woman, stay away even more. That's now a man's wife, not just his girlfriend.

 

Today she acted the complete polar opposite with me at work, no attempt to talk and we kept out of each others way and neither of us said anything nearly all shift, even when walking past. No idea why she was suddenly like that after being talkative with me yesterday, but I felt it was ideal if there was distance given the situation.

 

My problem at the moment is that I'm always jealous when I see her talking to this other guy (even though this isn't her boyfriend). He went up to her when she was working near me and she said "hiya" to him in a high pitched voice, then she looked back at me.

 

You see, I can totally get that she has a boyfriend and that would be enough to forget and move on. But it's really annoying when she talks to this guy and she knows I'm around, her flirting/voice seems to pick up. Even the other week when I was looking at another girl, she approached me whilst looking at the girl I was checking out.

 

She talks to everyone but me, probably says like 1 or 2 things to me in an entire 7-8 hour shift unless I start a conversation with her (then she'll be really talkative with me). I find it hard to ignore her talking to this other guy, whilst also doing all this stuff directed at me, even though I KNOW she is already taken. How do I block this stuff out? I feel like if I keep being short with her then maybe I'll just end up disliking her over time.

Edited April 19, 2015 by fmfan08

[Clockwork]

Today she acted the complete polar opposite with me at work, no attempt to talk and we kept out of each others way and neither of us said anything nearly all shift, even when walking past. No idea why she was suddenly like that after being talkative with me yesterday, but I felt it was ideal if there was distance given the situation.

 

My problem at the moment is that I'm always jealous when I see her talking to this other guy (even though this isn't her boyfriend). He went up to her when she was working near me and she said "hiya" to him in a high pitched voice, then she looked back at me.

 

You see, I can totally get that she has a boyfriend and that would be enough to forget and move on. But it's really annoying when she talks to this guy and she knows I'm around, her flirting/voice seems to pick up. Even the other week when I was looking at another girl, she approached me whilst looking at the girl I was checking out.

 

She talks to everyone but me, probably says like 1 or 2 things to me in an entire 7-8 hour shift unless I start a conversation with her (then she'll be really talkative with me). I find it hard to ignore her talking to this other guy, whilst also doing all this stuff directed at me, even though I KNOW she is already taken. How do I block this stuff out? I feel like if I keep being short with her then maybe I'll just end up disliking her over time.

 

The best medicine for you is to go out with some girls. Find a nice girl. Then this girl at work who has bizarre motives for some reason, will not be relevant to you anymore. Having a new girlfriend will not make you think about the motives of a workplace crush. Just my advice. Plus, you seem to have seen a "not-so-nice" side of her. Isn't this enough? I mean, we've all had crushes but sometimes we learn things about the person and realize they aren't who we thought they were.

[Diezel]

My problem at the moment is that I'm always jealous when I see her talking to this other guy (even though this isn't her boyfriend).

 

Also your problem... you are not her boyfriend either.