Ex of a narcissist...what is wrong with me? Comparing myself to others

[xxxbecs]

Hi there,

 

Currently going through a break up with a narcissist, well I'm not sure what it is but we haven't spoke in a week this time and I've not physically seen him for 2 weeks, been on and off for 2 years due to his erratic behaviour and lying/cheating/self absorption/mental abuse.

 

But what I've begun to realise is these past 2 years is a deep rooted problem of me never feeling good enough or being the person I want to be? This is probably down to him making me feel this way, as I never did anything right, or dressed properly or wore enough designer clothes etc I think maybe it stems from him always having to have other girls in the background.

 

But now I feel this awful urge to be trying to change myself constantly and it's making me really sad. I always get lots of attention when I'm out and girls take an instant dislike to me for some reason. I'm a kind, friendly down to earth girl so it's beyond me. I constantly sit on Instagram and other social media wishing I had other people's lives and it's not so much celebrities as I know most people probably think that but it's just normal everyday people I know and I panic thinking oh no what if my ex gets with her now or comparing myself to girls he's tried to smarm before.

I just feel like I'm not my own person I go to the gym a lot to keep slim but then I'm in a battle of not eating what I want and that too gets me down. I'm currently waiting to start my new job in a few weeks so I have little money which also frustrates me as I want to splurge to make me feel better but I can't and my friends only want to do things on rare occasions so suit them which is usually coffee or a meal, they never want to do fun things as they either have work or bfs and then I begin wondering is there something wrong with me? Then I get insecure as I see other groups of girls happy and looking glam and my ex will be out living it up after how bad he has hurt me then there is just me sat inside mostly. It just gets me down, I'm now 25 and it's hard for me to make new girl friends as people generally take a dislike to me.

 

Sorry for venting, just looking for help.

 

Xx

[optomistic_nonsense]

Ohhh narcissists....too many of 'em out there

 

My ex-H was one. There was a lot of mental abuse going on in that marriage, so much so that it drove me to insanity. Literally. I ended up going to see a psychologist for almost a year. He had me thinking for some reason that I wasn't good enough. He would ask me to dust/clean the house, I would do so and he would check to see if I did a good enough job. If I told him I was running to the store to get milk and bread but came back with more than just those 2 items - there was hell to pay and I was called a liar. Weird, right? Oh yeah. It was weird. When I was *in* the relationship I was full of anger all the time, I lost most all of my friends, I was depressed to the extreme.

 

Sadly for us it ended in divorce, but it was a chapter of my life I was glad to have finished. I was married and divorced all by the age of 25. I am now 30 yrs old and happier than ever with a new husband.

 

I am telling you this so that you can see you have a very, very bright future and you are not stuck in as deep as I was with this relationship.

 

Start over. Live for you, dress for you, do things for you. Enjoy the single life for a while, work on YOU. Do no worry what others are saying or doing around you. Have some tunnel vision for a while Focus on yourself for the time being, and let the other stuff happen on it's own.

[Mr Carson]

Please don't believe what you see on FB it's not always true, someone can photo shop a pic of them having lunch with the Obama's...doesn't make it true. Your a good person focus on that and move on!