The ways cheaters KIT during an A even AFTER Dday

[longjourney]

Hi everyone,

 

 

I am a BW who is now D'ing over my WH LTA. I am still struggling with the deceit that I enduring for YEARS before DDay, when I repeatedly was told by my WH that I was crazy for suspecting an A, and AFTER Dday, when I found his second cell phone. It is sickening the never ending ways cellphones help keep A's alive.

 

 

There are game apps on all these smart phones that allow private messages that are virtually untraceable. That is yet ANOTHER way that WH and OW stayed in touch when I thought we were R. I was monitoring his FB and had his location finder set to "on" on his cell phone. Little did I know, they were ALWAYS ten steps ahead of me. Made me feel even more stupid. It just SUCKS!!!

 

 

I don't know what the point of this is. Having yet another bad day and I figured I'd warn some unsuspecting BS's to yet another thing to keep an eye out for.

 

 

Hope you are all doing better then I am.

[minimariah]

this is good, actually. you being ANGRY is good. it's a phase... let it all out. be angry, be upset, get it aaaaaaaaaall out.

 

one step at a time.

you now know one 1 thing - ALWAYS trust your gut feeling + never take a cheater back. trust yourself! you never failed you, that's a fantastic thing. work on that relationship with yourself.

[Hardgrind]

Longjourney,

 

Sorry to hear about your struggles. I am a BH who is currently divorcing my WW. I played the chasing game for several months after DDay. I finally figured out that she was getting a high from watching me chase after her in spite of what she had done.

 

The deceit continued after DDay. She refused to end contact with AP while claiming they were back to just being friends. My favorite line was that because she was being honest about her continued contact with the AP, that I should believe her when she told me the affair was over.

 

My IC finally convinced me that my WW should be working her ass off to keep me. I stopped feeding the "cake eating" of my WW, which really pissed her off but also provided me with clarity.

 

So I fully agree with you and would go further in recommending that BS's don't even try to monitor the WS, it's a losing battle and anytime you catch them and confront them about more lies, you are just teaching them how to be a better liar and cheater. Instead they should be fighting to keep you and going out of their way to prove they are being honest and open. Let them do their share of the heavy lifting. If they don't, that speaks more than any words they may say.

[afoolto no end]

you can't trust anything they say or do, they will hood wink you at every step, make you the bad guy….what else can people like that do……..they are not normal or think like a normal compassionate people, I think that because this is a long term affair with added betrayals and a conscious effort to continue to betray you, you should cut him lose and find a better life……..this isn't the man you married and long term he will never be again…….someone else he let in to your marriage has been with him for a very long time……..

You need to get yourself a real good plan for yourself and don't enlighten him either. Make the best financial decisions you can for yourself, get him out of the house and get custody of any children you may have…….

I wouldn't let on a thing to him……he doesn't deserve any respect and don't give him anything that could let him take anymore from YOUR life …….

out smart him this time………..you having a better life is you winning…….

He will have to prove himself to you and only after a very long time of him doing that would I even consider anything with him…….but that is all on him…

get yourself some great support expose the affair to everyone including your family and his, your kids and let the chips fall with the truth that now stands….

don't enable him at all or feel sorry for him he didn't care about you ……

Edited April 13, 2015 by afoolto no end

[obtuseedge]

You can't monitor him all the time, he will cheat on you if he wants to.

 

You should just leave. Obviously he doesn't want to let go of his affair, and doesn't want to let go of you either. You need to just leave.

[whichwayisup]

Hi everyone,

 

 

I am a BW who is now D'ing over my WH LTA. I am still struggling with the deceit that I enduring for YEARS before DDay, when I repeatedly was told by my WH that I was crazy for suspecting an A, and AFTER Dday, when I found his second cell phone. It is sickening the never ending ways cellphones help keep A's alive.

 

 

There are game apps on all these smart phones that allow private messages that are virtually untraceable. That is yet ANOTHER way that WH and OW stayed in touch when I thought we were R. I was monitoring his FB and had his location finder set to "on" on his cell phone. Little did I know, they were ALWAYS ten steps ahead of me. Made me feel even more stupid. It just SUCKS!!!

 

 

I don't know what the point of this is. Having yet another bad day and I figured I'd warn some unsuspecting BS's to yet another thing to keep an eye out for.

 

 

Hope you are all doing better then I am.

 

You are strong and will come out of this even stronger. Good riddance, what a shi.t your soon to be ex is. HIS loss.

 

You're not stupid, at all.

[Realist3]

There are game apps on all these smart phones that allow private messages that are virtually untraceable.

 

Of course there are. If you are just understanding this now you are WAY behind the curve. You don't need a burner phone. Here is the grim reality, if people want to communicate they will. All of this detective crap is for naught unless they are stupid

[i am gutted]

Hi there

 

 

Gosh this sounds a lot like my ex. He too had a secret phone that i found march last year. he said he "forgot" about it - load of rubbish as he was messaging on it. He then said he got rid of it. i tried to believe him but never really did and then Feb this year, found that he did in fact still have it and was accessing the internet dating sites etc on it.

also, found a laptop.

 

 

I too was told i was crazy for stuff..........told not to worry and all that. It is very distressing when you put or try to put trust back into them and they muck it up all over again. Devastating.

 

 

I tried hard to make it work but looking back, he never was trying...blamed me for being angry with him and all that........my fault he strayed pretty much.

 

 

I feel for you, i know where you are, i was looking around all the time when he was here to see what he was doing and what he had and all that stuff. Its tiring, draining, emotionally debilitating.

 

 

After i found messages he had been sending to many women around the place asking to chat and meet up for sex, i asked him to leave.....that was 7 weeks ago now.

Hard to do, we have been together for so long but i cannot go through this again.

 

If you can, think about it, make a decision on if you want to be on high alert all the time again, lied to again, made to feel inferior again.

i cant do it anymore. i know exactly what you mean about feeling stupid. Me too.

 

 

take care,

 

 

 

 

Hi everyone,

 

 

I am a BW who is now D'ing over my WH LTA. I am still struggling with the deceit that I enduring for YEARS before DDay, when I repeatedly was told by my WH that I was crazy for suspecting an A, and AFTER Dday, when I found his second cell phone. It is sickening the never ending ways cellphones help keep A's alive.

 

 

There are game apps on all these smart phones that allow private messages that are virtually untraceable. That is yet ANOTHER way that WH and OW stayed in touch when I thought we were R. I was monitoring his FB and had his location finder set to "on" on his cell phone. Little did I know, they were ALWAYS ten steps ahead of me. Made me feel even more stupid. It just SUCKS!!!

 

 

I don't know what the point of this is. Having yet another bad day and I figured I'd warn some unsuspecting BS's to yet another thing to keep an eye out for.

 

 

Hope you are all doing better then I am.

[RightThere]

It's a game to them.

 

I can all but guarantee you your WH lied and continues to lie to his OW just as much as he lied to you. It becomes part of them that they need to continue to lie and manipulate in order to keep the illusion of themselves real.

 

Anger is a good and real stage, but don't wallow in it for too long. Be done with it soon and although it is a total cliche, focus in yourself. Don't look at or worry about anything beyond the end of your nose (outside of any children).

[nightmare01]

Yes we've all been fools for being too trusting. I think most people are naive when it comes to how other people think, feel, and react to others in their lives.

 

If we are trustworthy we expect others around us to be like we are - trustworthy. Be believe others have the same morals and such as we do, and that's a mistake.

 

No one has our best interests in their heart - they are only looking out for themselves. They will act out in their own best interests first. If they want something badly but they know that going for that thing will hurt us, then they will probably lie and go after that thing in spite of the pain it will bring us.

 

Only we have our own best interests at heart. We can only trust ourselves.

 

For me - trusting myself was key in my recovery from my WW's LTA. I once trusted her, but realized I was a food to do so. Now I only trust myself. I trust that if my WW cheats again I will eventually discover it and I will deliver the consequences her act deserves.

 

If my WW remains faithful to me she will do so because it is in her own best interest, not because of any concern of what her cheating again would do to me.