Miss9898 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Okay so I have no where to turn with this, I have an amazing boyfriend and I love him to bits. When we are together we have so much fun but the thing is I only see him about once or twice a week for the time being. I have no problem with the amount of time together but I miss him so much during the week days where I cannot see him and he is not the best texter and doesn't call me on the phone often. Basically ive been lonely and just wanted someone to talk to, a friend, so i started talking to this guy on the phone and ive been texting him and he is so nice to me and makes me feel great and we have been flirting non stop and he doesn't know I have a boyfriend. I wasn't keeping it a secret that I have a boyfriend but now I feel like if I tell him, he might stop talking to me and I don't want that to happen. Im feeling so guilty because I really do love my boyfriend but Im starting to have a crush on the guy ive been talking to. I know nothing could ever happen between me and this other guy as he lives over 6 hours away but im having so much fun talking to him. Please help !! What should I do ?! Im so confused Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Imagine your boyfriend was doing the same. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss9898 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Yeah that's true I guess, I just don't know how I got here and don't know how to go back now Link to post Share on other sites
a22g Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Okay so I have no where to turn with this, I have an amazing boyfriend and I love him to bits. When we are together we have so much fun but the thing is I only see him about once or twice a week for the time being. I have no problem with the amount of time together but I miss him so much during the week days where I cannot see him and he is not the best texter and doesn't call me on the phone often. Basically ive been lonely and just wanted someone to talk to, a friend, so i started talking to this guy on the phone and ive been texting him and he is so nice to me and makes me feel great and we have been flirting non stop and he doesn't know I have a boyfriend. I wasn't keeping it a secret that I have a boyfriend but now I feel like if I tell him, he might stop talking to me and I don't want that to happen. Im feeling so guilty because I really do love my boyfriend but Im starting to have a crush on the guy ive been talking to. I know nothing could ever happen between me and this other guy as he lives over 6 hours away but im having so much fun talking to him. Please help !! What should I do ?! Im so confused It's simple, stop talking to the guy. You said it wasn't a secret that you have a boyfriend, but then you say he doesn't know that you have one. The simple fact is, and I really don't care who it is, a guy that wants to be friends with a girl is after one thing only. There is something that you are missing in the relationship and that should be communicated to your boyfriend. It is not fair to him. Everyone likes a little attention in their life. It is fresh and new. Give your BF, that you love, a chance first. If he doesn't respond or just doesn't care then just end it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 This is so normal. Through out our lives we will encounter others that make us swoon, feel alive, excited, etc. But it's just a crush and most will never act on it. Just distance yourself, and the novelty will wear off. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 btw you are having an emotional affair with this guy....even tho sex or sexual content is not evident in the messages, you are still cheating emotionally. When you start keeping it a secret you know you shouldn't be doing it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Yeah that's true I guess, I just don't know how I got here and don't know how to go back now You know how you got here, and you don't want to do what you need to do to go back, its really that simple. Secondly, thinking that nothing will happen with this other guy is dangerous and it allows you to continue to push forward in being unfaithful to your boyfriend. It may not be your intent to sleep with this other guy, but if you continue down this path it will happen. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 If you really do love someone, you don't have emotional affairs with other people. What does the word 'love' mean to you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Okay so I have no where to turn with this, I have an amazing boyfriend and I love him to bits. When we are together we have so much fun but the thing is I only see him about once or twice a week for the time being. I have no problem with the amount of time together but I miss him so much during the week days where I cannot see him and he is not the best texter and doesn't call me on the phone often. Basically ive been lonely and just wanted someone to talk to, a friend, so i started talking to this guy on the phone and ive been texting him and he is so nice to me and makes me feel great and we have been flirting non stop and he doesn't know I have a boyfriend. I wasn't keeping it a secret that I have a boyfriend but now I feel like if I tell him, he might stop talking to me and I don't want that to happen. Im feeling so guilty because I really do love my boyfriend but Im starting to have a crush on the guy ive been talking to. I know nothing could ever happen between me and this other guy as he lives over 6 hours away but im having so much fun talking to him. Please help !! What should I do ?! Im so confused You need to tell this guy that you have a boyfriend because as it stands, you're manipulating him with a lie of omission. Look at it this way: what would you want us to say if this was your boyfriend writing this to us? What should we tell him, in your opinion? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Yeah that's true I guess, I just don't know how I got here and don't know how to go back now Yes you do. Don't lie to yourself: ive been lonely and just wanted someone to talk to, a friend, so i started talking to this guy on the phone and ive been texting him You go back by telling the guy the truth and you also tell your boyfriend that his lack of attention is causing you to consider emotional affairs with other guys. That's what you are engaged in: an emotional affair. It needs to end. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 OP, while you aren't "technically" cheating on your BF, it is a form of emotional cheating that you are engaging in. If you love your BF, you need to STOP this behavior. Imagine if he was talking to some gorgeous girl and flirting with her, and confiding things in her and so forth. How would that make you feel? Probably not great. That's how your boyfriend is going to feel if he finds out or you continue this. Stop it now! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 The OP is being dishonest with both of these men. She should tell them both the truth. Lies always lead to misery. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Double post deleted. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Girl - wake up and face reality. Break up and don't get serious with another guy until you are ready to settle down. Go out and experience life and other guys and have fun while you are single. Don't tie yourself down just because a boyfriend gives you a secure date & someone that fawns all over you waiting in the wings. So many girls do this and they end up hurting themselves as much as the "boyfriends" they use like Kleenex. You don't need a back-up plan, just get out there and date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Basically ive been lonely and just wanted someone to talk to, a friend, so i started talking to this guy on the phone and ive been texting him and he is so nice to me and makes me feel great and we have been flirting non stop and he doesn't know I have a boyfriend. I wasn't keeping it a secret that I have a boyfriend but now I feel like if I tell him, he might stop talking to me and I don't want that to happen. Im feeling so guilty because I really do love my boyfriend but Im starting to have a crush on the guy ive been talking to. You know it is time to stop. If you are starting to have a crush on him, then you know you are being unfaithful. Would you be ok with your boyfriend crushing on another girl? I know nothing could ever happen between me and this other guy as he lives over 6 hours away but im having so much fun talking to him. Please help !! What should I do ?! Im so confused Sometimes doing the right thing is doing the HARD thing. The right thing to do in this case is to stop talking to this guy. You can send him one last message that you have a boyfriend and you feel your talks with him are becoming too flirty and personal and you don't feel right about continuing to talk to him. Then let him go. I know it is hard. But it is the right thing. Then - find some fun GIRL friends to hang out with on lonely nights. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss9898 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Thank you so much guys, this really gave me the kick in the butt that I needed. Ive just texted the other guy telling him that I have a boyfriend. If he still whats to be friends then I don't mind talking occasionally I guess but im gonna take a major step back. As for my boyfriend I'll tell him that I want him to just call and text a bit more. To be honest with you guys it will be hard to say goodbye to the other guy ive been calling and texting but I can't risk my relationship over something so petty. Thank you all again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Break up with your boyfriend and pursue your new love interest. Or cut the other guy off and stay faithful to your boyfriend. I really don't get what's so complicated about this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 To be honest with you guys it will be hard to say goodbye to the other guy ive been calling and texting Of course it will! But in the long run, it will feel better to hold onto your integrity and values. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Thank you so much guys, this really gave me the kick in the butt that I needed. Ive just texted the other guy telling him that I have a boyfriend. If he still whats to be friends then I don't mind talking occasionally I guess but im gonna take a major step back. As for my boyfriend I'll tell him that I want him to just call and text a bit more. To be honest with you guys it will be hard to say goodbye to the other guy ive been calling and texting but I can't risk my relationship over something so petty. Thank you all again. Always consider the consequences of your actions before you act. Be good Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Not sure how old you are but you are sounding very immature. You ARE cheating on your boyfriend and being dishonest with the guy you are texting . Eventually either you will try to physically book up with this guy, or will wind up sexting with him or doing more inappropriate stuff. If this is how you are going to behave I feel sorry for your boyfriend . But he will catch you and that will be it. I guess you were looking to be told gown"cool "'it is what you are doing. I don't think you will hear much of that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 (edited) OP if you loved your boyfriend you would not have a crush on another guy. The people telling you this is normal are CRAZY. It is not normal to have emotional affairs. It is not normal to begin crushing on other dudes if you "love" your boyfriend. You flirt with this other guy, you emotionally cheat, you get worried he might stop talking to you if he knows you have a boyfriend. You truly feel that signifies love? OP, while you aren't "technically" cheating on your BF, it is a form of emotional cheating that you are engaging in. If you love your BF, you need to STOP this behavior. If it's a form of emotional cheating then she is cheating, no arguments about it. Physical cheating is not the only kind of cheating that exists. So this "you aren't technically cheating" makes no sense. She is in a relationship with one man and has feelings for another man. That is cheating, that is the opposite of love. But in the long run, it will feel better to hold onto your integrity and values. You realize she isn't merely thinking of engaging in an emotional affair, but is already in the midst of one? Edited April 14, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Well, she's indeed emotionally cheating already. From the sound of it she's also young so I'm pro breaking up instead of continuing a relationship that has run its course and waiting for co-dependancy to kick in. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 This is so normal. Through out our lives we will encounter others that make us swoon, feel alive, excited, etc. But it's just a crush and most will never act on it. Just distance yourself, and the novelty will wear off. May I ask why you feel emotional affairs are normal? Link to post Share on other sites
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