What's my social problem?

[dannySmith]

Hi guys, I'm 17, and to be honest, I'm seriously not happy with my life at the moment. There are a lot of issues I have, mostly social. Dating is one of them. I have been to councelling, even though I didnt want to, though it hasn't had a dramatic effect on my life.

 

I post here(not sure if this is the right place) wondering if you guys could give me any tips or advice to guide me on the right course or to help me the problems I currently have in dating.

 

Firstly, for a bit of context, at school I am known as a shy, overly nice person. Fortunately I have had girls that have liked me before, though while I;m grateful for it, the girls who I were actually attracted to didn't seem to have any interest.

 

I'm an honest person, and I know why. I'm pretty short(5 foot 9) and I have this issue or this weird problem with connecting with people that I have had to deal with for ages. While I wouldn't go as far as to say its autism, its definitely hindering my dating experience, and making friends in general.

 

-So the first problem is that basically I find it really hard to enjoy and be interested in other people's conversations, while I'm sure this is a common thing people go through, it seems to me that everyone I talk to seem to talk about boring topics 80% of the time. So I am constantly fighting a battle where I'm pretending to be interested in someones... motorbike, or fishing club. And its clear that I'm not good at it.

 

-Secondly Even when I do talk to people and form a friendship, I have a really bad habit of identifying the friendship as being more serious, and intimate than it is, and I end up with either the other person portraying me, excluding me from groups, or ditching me to go talk to someone else as soon as the other person arises. Basically that line where acquaintances become friends is very shady to me. Its very frustrating because I'm never sure if someone is truly my friend or not, and trust me, it happens to me more often than everyone else.

 

- Thirdly, particularly when dating, I'm terrible at improvising, and I usually end up in a situation where I don't know what to say, or say something that is interesting and boring the poor person out. I've talked to a number of girls, and most of the occasions end up with her bored to death.

 

- Fourth problem, I have trouble identifying what is awkward and what isn't. For example, if its rude to ask for someone's number in a particular instance or not. This isn't such a problem as the others though

 

- 5th problem, I find it hard to identify when someone is joking or not. Whenever someone says something that hints a bit of hurting involved, I instinctively take it seriously. This also causes obstructions in forming a relationship and connecting with the other person. This doesn't happen 100% of the time, but it does a significant amount of the time.

 

I don't know why, but even if I'm attracted to someone, and think they are a cool person, I just suck at forming a connection with them, in nearly every instance I end up realizing they didn't really like me, or they get disappointed when I turn out to talk about things that are boring.

 

Could you guys give me any tips? Thanks

[d0nnivain]

Your "social problem" is that you are 17. It's not really a problem. It's more a stage of development. You are ahead of the curve since you are introspective enough to think about these things

 

 

Most people talk about the boring stuff most of the time. Every conversation can't be deep philosophical world changing matters. There was even an episode of the Big Bang Theory where the guys got together without the girls in an effort to get back to their roots & discuss important scientific developments. They ended up watch Back to the Future in HD.

 

 

Join a group called ToastMasters. Its more about public speaking but it can help with social awkwardness.

 

 

If your parents are willing ask if they will pay for you to take a Dale Carnegie class. That can help address some social cues.

 

 

As you age & mature you will get better at this. When you enter university, the workforce or the armed services, you will encounter more diverse people & new life experiences will give you greater confidence.