Im Rly Jealous About My Gril Goin To Clubs

[Filo257]

Hey all I have a gf in Europe i dnt no whats wrong wit me but im rly jealous before leaving Europe i asked her if she would go to clubs without me while im away.. she said she would never go she promised me now im working veery hard to go see her like 60hrs a week i got 2 jobs im rly tired im goin to see her in 3-4 weeks and i asked her to support me Psychologicly cuz its rly hard i try so so hard .Today i asked her on the phone If she would go to a club she said no Only if theres this anyversarry i said pls baby wait 3 weeks, she said that she would go cuz last time when i came to visit her i went with her to a club GUYS were looking at her and tried to approach her and i got pissed u no i come all the way here to Europe and she wants to dance wit other Guys i dnt no I trust her but i rlyu dnt want anyone flirting with HER,plz answer me quick is that normal cuz I feel rly bad inside and i keep having those thoughts that she will go anyways PLS HELP!!!

[GirlDown]

well, rule number one, you are not in control of who flirts with her. even if someone does flirt with her, it's not her fault, unless she invites it or reciprocates.

 

second, if she is dancing with other guys in front of you after you've traveled to see her in europe, she is probably dancing with guys when you're not there.

 

maybe this isn't the kind of relationship you are looking for at the moment. it doesn't seem fair to yourself or to her. you're always worried about what she's doing. you're making her feel that she can't have a good time because she's not allowed to. she probably is resenting you either for making her feel guilty, for skipping the clubs when she wants to go, or for going against your wishes because she feels bad for lying but wants to have fun.

 

either she can be trusted or not, or you can trust her or you can't.

 

doesn't sound like she can be trusted, or that you can trust her.

 

the choice is yours.

[noname]

i'm going to tell you this...

 

get over it. seriously. first of all, she is a woman. it doesn't matter how she looks, when she goes out (period, not just to clubs) guys are going to flirt with her. she went through it before you, and she must deal with it now. you cannot stop men from wanting to be with her. she is desireable no doubt. no amount of time you spend with her is ever going to change that. learn to take it as a compliment. i have a beautiful girlfriend and when she goes out, i have put my trust in her. she has to feel empowered enough that she can handle herself. that is the only way you will be able to manage. because i would not want her to distrust me enough to tell me not to go out. you have to treat her as you would want to be treated and she will respect you for it.

 

second of all, she is a person. if she enjoys going to clubs, and you forbid her to go, it is going to create a rift between you.

 

it is natural for someone to be a little jealous. but, being the way you are is not healthy for either of you. by holding her back, you are putting her into an environment that is bound to make her wonder what she is missing (could backfire). you are also oozing mistrust (something women are really big on). not to mention that if her botfriend does not trust her, she may cease to trust herself. and you may be putting a strain on her relationships with her friend that enjoy going out with her. one thing for sure is that if you don't let up a little, you are going to drive yourself nuts eventually.

 

i think that you should ask yourself what exactly it is that makes you feel the way you do. when she dances with men, is it innocent, or is she rubbing her body parts all over them? is it caused by insecurity, like if you feel that if the right guy says the right thing to her that she is going to want him instead of you? or do you not trust her at all anyway?

 

oh yeah. how long have you all been together. do you know the boudaries of your relationship? she may not be on the same page that you are on. and this may be one of the reasons why.

 

please, for your sake, do not drive yourself crazy over something that you cannot control...

[faux]

My girlfriend goes to an art school in Philadelphia, and I attend school in New Jersey. During the semester we are apart unless we find time to visit. She goes out to bars and clubs sometimes, and she dances with other guys. Big whoop. I trust her, and I know that she loves me. Besides, I don't like to dance, so she has to get her dancing done somewhere, right?

 

If some guy decides to keep coming on to her I know she can handle the situation just fine. I will trust her until she ever gives me a reason not to.

[CalicoMachismo]

Originally posted by faux

My girlfriend goes to an art school in Philadelphia, and I attend school in New Jersey. During the semester we are apart unless we find time to visit. She goes out to bars and clubs sometimes, and she dances with other guys. Big whoop. I trust her, and I know that she loves me. Besides, I don't like to dance, so she has to get her dancing done somewhere, right?

 

If some guy decides to keep coming on to her I know she can handle the situation just fine. I will trust her until she ever gives me a reason not to.

 

And I am she never gets tempted by these other guys. She just needs them to help her cure her dancing fix. And I bet the whole time she's grinding on him, she's saying "this doesn't mean anything, it's just dancing!"

Yeah right.

Some people are such fools. You wouldn't know if she didn't give you a reason not to trust you, even if you think you would. Why should she tell you when you she practically has permission to cheat anyway?

[noname]

Originally posted by CalicoMachismo

And I am she never gets tempted by these other guys. She just needs them to help her cure her dancing fix. And I bet the whole time she's grinding on him, she's saying "this doesn't mean anything, it's just dancing!"

Yeah right.

Some people are such fools. You wouldn't know if she didn't give you a reason not to trust you, even if you think you would. Why should she tell you when you she practically has permission to cheat anyway?

 

 

 

whoa,

hold on a minute. of course nobody wants to be a fool. but, that is not giving her permission to cheat. you are going a little overboard. Faux is just mature. he has confidence in himself and he has the ability to trust. doesn't make him naive. he just knows that a woman is going to do what she wants. and he probably found himself a good one. remember, it is always those guys that try to lock their women up that get betrayed.

 

oh and by the way. not every woman grinds. do you get to sleep with every woman you have ever danced with? if so... you need to be running a dance clinic. you could be making a whole lot of f-ing money...

[calicomachismo]

Originally posted by noname

whoa,

hold on a minute. of course nobody wants to be a fool. but, that is not giving her permission to cheat. you are going a little overboard. Faux is just mature. he has confidence in himself and he has the ability to trust. doesn't make him naive. he just knows that a woman is going to do what she wants. and he probably found himself a good one. remember, it is always those guys that try to lock their women up that get betrayed.

 

oh and by the way. not every woman grinds. do you get to sleep with every woman you have ever danced with? if so... you need to be running a dance clinic. you could be making a whole lot of f-ing money...

 

Both too much freedom/trust and too much "locking up" can cause betrayal.

 

I doubt this is ballroom dancing with these guys.

 

But okay, I see your point. I just don't fall for it.

[faux]

Originally posted by CalicoMachismo

And I am she never gets tempted by these other guys. She just needs them to help her cure her dancing fix. And I bet the whole time she's grinding on him, she's saying "this doesn't mean anything, it's just dancing!"

Yeah right.

Some people are such fools. You wouldn't know if she didn't give you a reason not to trust you, even if you think you would. Why should she tell you when you she practically has permission to cheat anyway?

 

If I am in a relationship with a person, I am supposed to trust that person to honor the foundations of our relationship. If you are in a relationship with someone, then you are supposed to do the very same. If a person wants to cheat, there is nothing you can do to prevent it. If someone is going to be dishonest, that person will eventually find a way to betray you.

 

It makes more sense for me to feel comfortable in my relationship, and to show my girlfriend how much I love and trust her by letting her do the things that she wants to do. It does not make sense for me to be a foolish person who becomes jealous over something as ridiculous as dancing. A man who feels that letting his girlfriend do things on her own, go dancing or go to bars with her friends, is a threat, that man must feel very tiny and insecure.

 

Originally posted by noname

...a woman is going to do what she wants...remember, it is always those guys that try to lock their women up that get betrayed.

 

oh and by the way. not every woman grinds. do you get to sleep with every woman you have ever danced with? if so... you need to be running a dance clinic. you could be making a whole lot of f-ing money...

 

Good points, and I thank you for the kind words about myself. It is entirely possible for a woman to dance with someone, and maybe get a little close with that dancing, but still only consider it "just dancing". A lot of men do not seem to understand this. There are also a few things that men like to do, and some women have trouble understanding that the men are "just dancing" in their own way.