confusedwife1981 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Ok so I think it is officially over, she sent a message telling him she could no longer be in contact, she realized that she was in love with him and she needed to move on. Then she blocked him. No way for my H to respond to her. The next day (yesterday), he looks her up on another social media site and liked her pictures. But he hasn't sent any messages or tried to contact her. Why would he go to another social site when she blocked him on one site and told him she did not want to remain in any contact? Why like her pics? Today nothing has happened and she has not unblocked him. I think it's over between them, at least on her end I think. I don't think my H will go out his way to contact her, I mean if he really cares he will respect her wishes and leave her alone right? At any rate, things have been ok with us and we are going on our trip this week so that will be nice... I'm wondering if they just needed time to get over it and now they both are and it just died naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Why would he go to another social site when she blocked him on one site and told him she did not want to remain in any contact? Why like her pics? because he isn't ready to let her go. Today nothing has happened and she has not unblocked him. I think it's over between them, at least on her end I think. the problem is - her end is not important to YOU. HIS end is. that's the only end you should be worried about. At any rate, things have been ok with us and we are going on our trip this week so that will be nice... sweetheart, how? how are things OK with you when you're killing yourself trying to figure out if he has any feelings for her still? he is NOT in NC with her and for some reason - you're afraid to ask him what's really up. things are not OK, trust. things are far from OK and once you realize that, you'll be able to communicate with your H & see what to do from there. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Chasing_mya Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I have a problem with him liking her pics on another site. I think its over because the OW made it possible and hopefully sticks to her guns. He may be having a harder time letting this one go. Have you asked him about this? Also, in my opinion not enough time has gone by for 'them' to get over it and for the affair to have died naturally. It still seems fresh and premature to even consider that under the circumstances. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Wow so why are you with him if he is after an other woman and you know it? even after she blocks him 7 Link to post Share on other sites
VeryBrokenMan Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 He has not gone NC because he does not want to. The OW has ended it but he's not ready for that and he's trying to keep the affair going. It's easy for everyone here to say what they would do because it's not our life This is your life and you have to do what is right for you. But from where I sit I could not have stayed with my WW had she not gone NC. But then again how can I say that for sure since that was not my reality? Put yourself first and make choices that honor yourself and your beliefs and don't allow anyone to take you for granted. We ALL deserve better than that. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Said gently, you are getting consistent messages on here that your H's mind at least is not with you, yet you continue to profess things are going well. There are no signs in anything you've said that provide evidence he wants to be with you out of choice - rather out of the fact he can't have her. Why would you allow that to be your lot in life? Honey, you are so much better than that and my heart aches when I read your posts as to all us outsiders that don't have the emotion involved it is such a sad story. I'm so sorry you've been going through this, but please, do something for you - what you want -not what he wants. You deserve to be someone's first place x PS: When I saw the title of the thread, and your username (having read your previous threads), I really hoped I was going to open a post in which you'd chosen yourself and kicked him to the curb. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 It's not over and the fact that she ended it and he then went on her site to like her pics shows that. It was his way of letting her know that he was thinking about her. He couldn't text her because she blocked him so he liked her pics. My ex AP used to do the same. Now that she told him she was in love with him he is probably going to think about her more. I wouldn't be surprised if it pushes him more towards her now. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 So you are happy with the scraps of another woman? Why are you still with this jerk? You aren't really believing that this was his last OW, right? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I'm wondering if they just needed time to get over it and now they both are and it just died naturally. Nope. If it had "just died naturally" she would not be telling him she was in love with him. He would not be seeking other ways to stay in contact - which is what "liking" her pictures is. It's contact. It's responding to her message. It's saying, "I'm still here for you." She is not over it. But, more importantly to you, neither is he - by a long shot. At any rate, things have been ok with us and we are going on our trip this week so that will be nice... Very nice. Spending time with a man whose heart and mind are with another woman, who is wishing every second that it was her with him instead of you. I'm sure that's your first choice of "nice things to do". Seriously - isn't it time you got honest with yourself, and admitted that you want him to love you, not her? That however "OK" things are on the surface between you, that having to sneak around and check up to see how loving their continued communications are, is eating at you? That being unable to relax and feel secure in your relationship with him is undermining your self-esteem and your self-confidence? That the depth of the denial you're forcing yourself through is causing cognitive dissonance and threatening your grip on reality? Isn't it time you allowed yourself to feel what you're obviously doing a great job of suppressing - and then dealing with the situation so that you don't have to feel trapped by it indefinitely? 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedwife1981 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 Thank you for all the responses I will try respond to all of them. About the trip: I am more excited about it for the children, they had a very tough summer last year with everything that happened. Seeing them happy and excited and in a better place/mood is helping me feel better. I have not decided to stay with my H at this point but he does not know that. I recently signed up for 9 month program that will leave me in a better job field. So right now I am giving myself to the end of my schooling to know for sure and if things are still up with him and her, I'll finally be financially independent so it won't matter. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedwife1981 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 Nope. If it had "just died naturally" she would not be telling him she was in love with him. He would not be seeking other ways to stay in contact - which is what "liking" her pictures is. It's contact. It's responding to her message. It's saying, "I'm still here for you." She is not over it. But, more importantly to you, neither is he - by a long shot. Very nice. Spending time with a man whose heart and mind are with another woman, who is wishing every second that it was her with him instead of you. I'm sure that's your first choice of "nice things to do". Seriously - isn't it time you got honest with yourself, and admitted that you want him to love you, not her? That however "OK" things are on the surface between you, that having to sneak around and check up to see how loving their continued communications are, is eating at you? That being unable to relax and feel secure in your relationship with him is undermining your self-esteem and your self-confidence? That the depth of the denial you're forcing yourself through is causing cognitive dissonance and threatening your grip on reality? Isn't it time you allowed yourself to feel what you're obviously doing a great job of suppressing - and then dealing with the situation so that you don't have to feel trapped by it indefinitely? Well I'm more excited for the trip because of the kids. They are finally feeling normal and happy again and that alone makes me feel better. Her exact words to him was that she fell hard for him? I just assumed that meant she was in love right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedwife1981 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 It's not over and the fact that she ended it and he then went on her site to like her pics shows that. It was his way of letting her know that he was thinking about her. He couldn't text her because she blocked him so he liked her pics. My ex AP used to do the same. Now that she told him she was in love with him he is probably going to think about her more. I wouldn't be surprised if it pushes him more towards her now. Well what she said was that she fell hard for him...that's the same as being in love? It crossed my mind that he went to the other site and liked the pics to let her know he was thinking about her but why do that? Why not just find a way to message her? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 When I saw the title of he thread I thought wow she has eventually had the balls to leave, but no... Your obsession with her blinds you to the fact he is still in love with her and that is not going to change anytime soon I guess. So now you find out she is definitely in love with him and he is in love with her, NICE. And you somehow think it just died naturally... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Well what she said was that she fell hard for him...that's the same as being in love? It crossed my mind that he went to the other site and liked the pics to let her know he was thinking about her but why do that? Why not just find a way to message her? It fascinates me how hard you try to discount their relationship and his betrayal of your relationship. Do you love this man? Or is he just a providing you with financial support, so whatever they are doing doesn't truly matter? You are so non-chalant. I don't get it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 It fascinates me how hard you try to discount their relationship and his betrayal of your relationship. Do you love this man? Or is he just a providing you with financial support, so whatever they are doing doesn't truly matter? You are so non-chalant. I don't get it. I think financial dependence does weird things to people's minds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 (edited) I simply cannot imagine being stuck in a hotel room with a guy who is so clearly in love with another woman. I hope it doesn't come to a head while you are on vacation and make for misery all around. #holidayfromhell Edited April 14, 2015 by goodyblue 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I would not say it is over for your WH if he is still liking pictures. What I am wondering is why you continue to keep allowing this to happen? Has your WH had any consequences for his A? Is he doing any work to make you feel safer? If I were you I would seriously look into the 180 and start taking my life back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I would not say it is over for your WH if he is still liking pictures. What I am wondering is why you continue to keep allowing this to happen? Has your WH had any consequences for his A? Is he doing any work to make you feel safer? If I were you I would seriously look into the 180 and start taking my life back. He didn't even have an affair, they were on a break. He knew this girl, started seeing her, then went almost immediately back to confusedwife1981. I don't even think they had sex, he wanted it a lot, but she said no as he was married, he said he wouldn't make her his OW, as that is not what she wanted. He then went back to confusedwife1981 and the kids, but he has basically been pining for this other girl ever since. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 He didn't even have an affair, they were on a break. He knew this girl, started seeing her, then went almost immediately back to confusedwife1981. I don't even think they had sex, he wanted it a lot, but she said no as he was married, he said he wouldn't make her his OW, as that is not what she wanted. He then went back to confusedwife1981 and the kids, but he has basically been pining for this other girl ever since. I see. Well if he is pining away for someone else and is married that is not right. Confusedwife1981 have you confronted your husband on this latest bit of info? I sure would and I would treat it just like breaking no contact. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Thank you for all the responses I will try respond to all of them. About the trip: I am more excited about it for the children, they had a very tough summer last year with everything that happened. Seeing them happy and excited and in a better place/mood is helping me feel better. I have not decided to stay with my H at this point but he does not know that. I recently signed up for 9 month program that will leave me in a better job field. So right now I am giving myself to the end of my schooling to know for sure and if things are still up with him and her, I'll finally be financially independent so it won't matter. Use this trip as a chance to make it about the kids. Take a detached view about your husband and ask yourself is it worth putting in any effort towards him while he's still lusting after the OW. I agree with the others, it's far from over. She perked his interest (a very calculated move on her behalf, btw) by admitting she was in love with him. Blocking him yet leaving ONE social media where he can contact her unblocked. She hasn't shut the door, she's playing a game, using NC as a way to 'get' him. Glad that your mindset is on the right path and you're willing to dump his cheating ass soon enough. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I don't feel comfortable advising a BW because I'm really not qualified. Since you seem to be looking for advice as to his behavior I think it's appropriate to chime in. As a BH, what I'm about to say disgusts me but it's the ugly truth. He's still obsessing over her. He needs to detach but that takes time plus effort plus resolve. It's not up to you - its a fact of life. Give him time and keep track of his progress. If he starts to go backward I'd start divorce proceedings to either end things or snap him out of get him back on track. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 She hasn't shut the door, she's playing a game, using NC as a way to 'get' him. . Totally agree with this 100% 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trolloperative Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 I agree with the other posters who said OW is playing a game, and your H is following her like a puppy. Yuck. But what I disagree with is confronting or leaving him. Nine months isn't very long to stay in the current situation while you finish school. Good move. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 I think financial dependence does weird things to people's minds. Me too. And that also goes for men who have wives who are financially dependent on them. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 His **** should be on the front lawn, no matter how much it costs you financially because emotionally, it's costing you your soul. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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