ChuckDee33 Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 OK, to get some background info out the way and to make a long story short. I dated her for over a year and a half, moved here to be close to her after I graduated. She broke up with me last August...I was very depressed and all that for a looong while. She started seeing this guy seriously early this year, which broke my heart all over again. She still wanted to be my friend and before I thought I could deal with it but I realized I couldn't so I started NC in March because I knew I had to do it to get better...and then, of course, she starts calling me more and wanting to know how I've been and why I have been distant and everything. I told her that I was sure she didn't love me anymore and the situation was crappy because I still love her and she knows it and she knows my heart was broken a lot. So I tell her that I need to get on with my life and she cannot be in it like this. I asked to her please tell me directly that she doesn't love me anymore and she didn't say anything. After a long phone conversation she reveals to me that she does in fact still love me! So this is great, but it still sucks because she was still with this guy and we are not together. I made it clear to her how things would end up between us if it continued down this path. She was crying and telling me how she didn't want me out of her life and that now she doesn't know how she feels. I said to her that I really didn't want to see her anymore because it hurts too much. So she has decided to break up with this guy now because she got scared and realized she doesn't want a serious relationship with anyone right now....I guess if she still loves me she shouldn't lead another guy on anymore. So that is good, I guess. But we've been having a hard time trying to figure out what happens with us from here on... I can understand that she is at a point in her life where she doesn't want a boyfriend, per se. She just isn't ready for commitment like I am. I'm 25 and she's not yet 21. But we know we love each other so much. That's why this is so hard. I finally let her come over to see me last week, not knowing what to expect at all. We ended up laying on my bed together, crying a little bit. I told her how hard it was for me to be her friend, especially when she was with someone else. She said she wouldn't necessarily like it if she knew I was with a girl either. So I know for a fact she still loves me. We just laid there holding each other and I kissed her gently a few times. I'm just having a difficult time figure out what to do from here on out. She isn't ready for a commitment but we don't want to lose each other at the same time. She says we just have to keep on living our lives and move on, but we don't have to let go. Now I just feel like she got what she wanted from me, which is just knowing that I'm there as a friend and she hasn't lost me. But at least I know I'm not a backup or anything and it really has nothing to do with me, why we aren't together right now...it's just not the right time in her life. But I still feel lost and sad about it all. I just want to be able to show her how much I love her and I can't right now. I just miss her so much, as a lover and I know she misses me too. We have hung out once or twice since the big talk and it was fine and everything. She even has showed up unexpected at my door and has been calling me every other day. But I still hate having to hold back my true feelings! I wanna be her friend but we are so much more than that to each other...it's just so strange having to try and act like that's all we are when we both know are true desires go way beyond that! We are trying to be realistic about everything though and not do something we would regret...but damn it's tough to not act on what I feel deep inside. I don't know what her relationship is now with the guy she was seeing, if I found out they were anything more than friends now...I would be pissed and probably tell her not to call me again. I don't know if he's still trying to get her back or anything like that. On one hand I feel good because we love each other dearly and we don't want to let each other go...but how do I get on with my life? How should I act around her? Should I just tell her it would be easier if we didn't see each other because the feelings are hard to suppress? Or next time she shows up at my door should I just grab her, lay her down and give her the most passionate kiss ever?? I'm so confused! She isn't leading me on and that is good but how can we handle this situation while living our lives, not being together, but being more than just friends? If we both don't have anybody else to answer to then would it be wrong to kiss her or go on a date with her? I wish we could just be 'together' on some level without her feeling like she has to make some commitment to me, without it feeling like we are 'in' a relationship. And I don't mean friends with benefits either. Is this possible? Should I even try? I feel that if we don't do something to start coming together, we are just gonna start moving apart. Deep down I know she is scared of losing me forever too. HELP PLEASE. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 I would stay away from her because if she loves you then she will let you go to continue your life. She is hanging on because she doesn't know what she wants but she does know she doesn't want to commit to you. It is a vicious cycle and asking you to be a friend while she decides is unfair to you. She needs to decide on her own and I would stay away and let her make her decision. Link to post Share on other sites
eldslover Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 you know i am in a very similar situation with a girl but we sort of have something going, kinda. It is very awkward, very different, although we are still technically 'friends'. Even if something did come out of it, if both people wanted a relationship i think it would be very different, and shouldnt expect the same as it was i suppose. im just as confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChuckDee33 Posted April 19, 2005 Author Share Posted April 19, 2005 It is very confusing and I almost just don't want to have to deal with this in my life anymore. I feel like being blunt with her and saying take me now or lose me forever and I mean forever. I think if you find somebody that you love and care for greatly then you don't let that person get away from you. But girls will be girls, sigh. What can you do? What are some more specifics of your situation Elds, if you don't mind me asking? Link to post Share on other sites
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