Call me crazy

[muchlovetogive]

After several NC's broken by MM, I broke too and would end up seeing him each time he called. But the last time he acted different and I had enough and cried in diner and made a scene cuz I was a little drunk and at the same time couldn't believe I was still seeing him and dealing with this BS. I wanted to make good after making a scene, and hang out with him sober, but he didn't respond for days, which was unusual for him. I thought he was ignoring me. He told me later he was sick. I needed to see him in person. Another drunken night I demanded to see him after back and forth texts. He was again giving me the run-around. Giving me excuses that he was out with friends, near his wife's home even tho he's not staying there anymore, and didn't know what time he'd be back home. I said I just needed to speak with him in person to clear my anxiety. No answer to my texts and calls......Stark contrast to when he used to always reply to me shortly, when he was so in love with me. I knew something had been off and just had to confirm my feelings. Call me crazy but I demanded to see him and I drove to where he's staying (with relatives) which is where I always met him. Walked into the house, and he was sleeping on the couch. I woke him up, we spoke in my car, but he was drunk and falling asleep and unable to have the serious conversation I needed. I made him pinky swear he would see me again in person.

 

Lo and behold, I see him again. I tried to kiss him hello and he said we're not supposed to do that. Wait, what? Every time he broke contact we'd see each other and he'd be all over me. We go to a bar and it turns out he met someone else in the 2 months we hadn't been talking to me. Yes, we agreed a while ago that we needed to stop and many times I had said it, but I know he realized I finally fell for him and wanted/demanded more time from him which he didn't have since he has 2 kids. I understood but I guess I always thought we would have the random hook ups. Damn, I get lonely too you know?! Well, the previous time I saw him, when we got intimate he asked me if I had been with anyone else beforehand and I said no. Now I know why. He told me he's had a lot of sex with this other girl recently (protected of course! yeah right) I asked why he didn't tell me. No answer. It explains why he wouldn't kiss me hello and why when I hugged him goodbye before, it was me hugging him tightly and him not hugging back. This is someone who had told me "I can't imagine my life without you" "It hurts to think I'll never see you again" "We met for a reason, it isn't coincidence" "I think we're meant for each other". I didn't buy it at the time, but I don't understand how someone can have such strong feelings for someone and then boom transfer them to someone totally different. It hurts to be rejected. I didn't believe his words for the longest time, but I finally gave in I was loyal to him even through NC. Stupid me. I ignored all the red flags of him being so into me so fast, and now I'm stuck wondering what happened. I asked if he had feelings for her and if she knew he was married. (He had been seeing her for the 2 months we had NC) He said yes, but she stopped talking to her a couple weeks ago. Doing the math, he contacted me while he was talking to her still. I asked if you are talking to her, why did you call me? He said he didn't know.

 

He told me it was his mistake that he called me all these times. And that I didn't have to give in and come see him. Also that, it's the best thing for me. Because he can't give me what I want (a real out in the open relationship cuz his wife still hasn't decided what they want to do). This other girl has nothing to do with me since we haven't spoken for 2 months and he never meant to hurt me. Yet I still yearn for him to have the feelings for me he used to have. I still have hope that he will change his mind, even though I know there's no shot in hell since he told me he has feelings for her and god knows one wants what one can't have. Maybe he knew he had me and moved on when the opportunity arose. I said I should've known better than to believe anything he ever said to me. He said don't be like that, don't act like I never cared for you. But, it just hurts to know someone could move on just like that. I know he cared for me and wanted what's best for me and he removed himself from my life and told me not to pick up the phone if he ever called, which I always ignored. It's just that I always had his words stuck in my head that we are meant to be. All the romantic sweet words that I knew couldn't be true. I believed him in the end. He'd say maybe it's not the end and next time I call I'll be divorced. Were his words genuine at the time? Is it possible to be so into someone so much and then the next day not at all? I don't understand that. That's just not how I operate After driving him back to his relative's house like a madwoman, he leaves and says Talk to you later? I was like WTFFFFF? are you kidding me???? What is he thinking???

[muchlovetogive]

I never thought I'd fall for a MM. I still know I could live my life without him, but I think it's the rejection that sucks. After he was so persistent with me and I tried hard to fight him off I gave in in the end. I didn't expect him to discard me so easily. I can't believe such strong feelings could die off so fast. I know he knows he hurt me badly, and he probably won't call me just to not hurt me anymore nor to cause me anymore drama for either of our sakes. But all I want is for him to call me and want me again. Sad, I know. I can't believed how messed up in the head I am over this?! It really is an addiction. My friends had said I have an addictive personality too.

[whichwayisup]

What is it that you actually love about this schmuck? Why hang onto someone who clearly has another OW? And, probably is still with his wife too.

 

Find your anger, find your strength, totally end things with him for real this time and block him on all social media. Change your number if need be.

 

You're wasting your energy and love on someone who doesn't care anymore. It seems he's moved on. Don't give him satisfaction by chasing him, calling him, and showing up at his door step. He is treating you badly, ignoring you and that IS on purpose.

 

Again, what is it that you love about him? Seems very unhealthy and damaging to you.

 

Your username - Don't waste your love on him! You have love to give but save it for a great (single) guy who loves you just as much you love him.

[muchlovetogive]

I'm sorry for this long rant, but my 2 closest friends are married or judges me for this relationship rightly. I just don't know how to deal with this. What I love about him is how he made me feel. And I never had a guy care for me and make me feel like this before in my life, including my 10 year relationship :/ When I tried to end it early on, he told me he couldn't live without me, we were meant to be, etc (Red flags! Things I normally never would have believed, but eventually I believed him) Feelings were so strong and I thought he really cared for me so much. I felt so close to him when we spoke on the phone. We got along so easily, it was so natural. Besides the situation, it felt so good when we were together. Nothing I felt before.

[whichwayisup]

I never thought I'd fall for a MM. I still know I could live my life without him, but I think it's the rejection that sucks. After he was so persistent with me and I tried hard to fight him off I gave in in the end. I didn't expect him to discard me so easily. I can't believe such strong feelings could die off so fast. I know he knows he hurt me badly, and he probably won't call me just to not hurt me anymore nor to cause me anymore drama for either of our sakes. But all I want is for him to call me and want me again. Sad, I know. I can't believed how messed up in the head I am over this?! It really is an addiction. My friends had said I have an addictive personality too.

 

So your ego is hurting. He dumped you, rejected you (first), chose to walk away..

 

I say this respectfully, time to go talk to a therapist so you can get away from this unhealthy dynamic and way of thinking.

 

You loved how he made you feel, not really 'him' per say.

You loved the highs and lows, the addictiveness of the affair, the roller coaster ride. Now without it you feel lost and your ego is taking a huge hit making your self esteem go down the toilet.

[whichwayisup]

I'm sorry for this long rant, but my 2 closest friends are married or judges me for this relationship rightly. I just don't know how to deal with this. What I love about him is how he made me feel. And I never had a guy care for me and make me feel like this before in my life, including my 10 year relationship :/ When I tried to end it early on, he told me he couldn't live without me, we were meant to be, etc (Red flags! Things I normally never would have believed, but eventually I believed him) Feelings were so strong and I thought he really cared for me so much. I felt so close to him when we spoke on the phone. We got along so easily, it was so natural. Besides the situation, it felt so good when we were together. Nothing I felt before.

 

Keep venting it out, whatever it takes so things sink in and you feel better.

 

Affair relationships are much more intense and addictive as you well know.

And they don't last forever. Yours was due to end and he just pulled the trigger since he had no intention of allowing you to fall for him deeper and deeper. He fed you lines to keep you interested in him, to keep you on your toes and also treated you poorly yet was 'nice' enough at times to make you want him more. the push/pull game, cat/mouse game.

 

He loves himself most.

 

I hope you can make peace with this and not let it eat you up. Go read articles on baggage reclaim.

[muchlovetogive]

It IS my ego! If I could afford a therapist, I'd probably go every day.

 

You're right, he ignored me ON PURPOSE. That's what I need to hear. Thank you.

 

But, how could he have such strong feelings for me, and tell me he can't imagine not having me in hislife and we were meant to be and then transpose his feelings onto someone else so easily?! That's what I'm trying to understand.

[muchlovetogive]

What is it that you actually love about this schmuck? Why hang onto someone who clearly has another OW? And, probably is still with his wife too.

 

Again, what is it that you love about him? Seems very unhealthy and damaging to you.

 

Your username - Don't waste your love on him! You have love to give but save it for a great (single) guy who loves you just as much you love him.

 

Lol he is a schmuck!

I tried online dating websites, but I felt nothing for the guys I met. I just keep comparing the guys to him. And of course, the feelings were so strong, there's no comparison.

Even though, he's moved onto someone else, do you think he still has feelings for me?

Edited April 15, 2015 by muchlovetogive

[sandylee1]

It IS my ego! If I could afford a therapist, I'd probably go every day.

 

You're right, he ignored me ON PURPOSE. That's what I need to hear. Thank you.

 

But, how could he have such strong feelings for me, and tell me he can't imagine not having me in hislife and we were meant to be and then transpose his feelings onto someone else so easily?! That's what I'm trying to understand.

 

Block his number, so you don't even see his calls.

Block his email address and other means of contact.

 

He's a user who strings everyone along.

His wife is there deciding and meanwhile he's got a second OW.

 

He ain't worth it at all.

 

People treat you, how you let them. They have the power to pick and drop you anytime they feel like it and say just enough, or throw crumbs your way like a starved animal. If you take the bait and behave like you don't deserve better, you'll never get better.

[Survivor12]

It IS my ego! If I could afford a therapist, I'd probably go every day.

 

You're right, he ignored me ON PURPOSE. That's what I need to hear. Thank you.

 

But, how could he have such strong feelings for me, and tell me he can't imagine not having me in hislife and we were meant to be and then transpose his feelings onto someone else so easily?! That's what I'm trying to understand.

 

Your confusion comes from trying to reconcile the truth with what you WANT to believe. For example, just because he SAID that he had "such strong feelings" for you does not mean that: a) he actually did or b) the feelings he had were "love". Of course you want to believe that he had strong feelings of love for you, but if you let go of that presumption and accept that he didn't, you will see how he was able to move on to someone else so quickly.

 

I understand your pain. Giving up on someone you love is hard. Accepting that what you thought was real isn't isn't easy to accept. From what you've said, however, I think that the key is in looking more at your own feelings than his. Be very honest with yourself and think about the true source of your pain. If part of your pain is due to your own issues with rejection or a bruised ego, acknowledge & work on dealing with that aspect of your personality rather than lumping it in with your feelings for him. You can't change his feelings, but you can change how you deal with loss.

 

After my ex bf left, I hung on to the hope that he would change his mind or realize what he'd lost. For months, I had severe anxiety, loss of sleep & depression. I believed that I needed him to come back to heal my broken heart. It took me a while to see that I had the power to fix the real source of the pain. Once I faced the truth--that most of my pain was not really about him but, rather, about my lack of self esteem & abandonment issues. Once I faced the truth (and let go of my belief that the depth of my pain somehow reflected the depth of my love for him), I began to feel better...and in time, I have not only let go of him but improved my life overall.

 

Out of time. Sorry to end so abruptly, but I hope that you'll think about what I've said. I wish you the best.

[Satu]

There's no love in this story, just an unhealthy attachment and compulsive behaviour.

[Minnie09]

1) you both seem to be addictive personalities, hence the drinking - that's a recipe for disaster and poor decision-making and making statements that aren't real

2) he fell for you head over heels, and had strong feelings for you, or at least that's what he said - whenever someone acts that way very early on in a relationship, what happens frequently is that it's just a flash in the pan, and they go cold pronto - it's usually what happens......why I don't know - maybe someone who's smarter than me can shed some light on that?

3) he's not taking action proactively......back to wife or not, depending on what the wife decides and what SHE wants to do - why? It's his life, too. He's just waiting around, playing games with ow, because his W doesn't know yet what to do?? Seriously?

 

So basically your future depends on what his W decides, and if she decides to separate officially, then it depends on what HE decides in terms of which of his OW to choose. IF she lets him go. That can't be what you want.

[anika99]

It IS my ego! If I could afford a therapist, I'd probably go every day.

 

You're right, he ignored me ON PURPOSE. That's what I need to hear. Thank you.

 

But, how could he have such strong feelings for me, and tell me he can't imagine not having me in hislife and we were meant to be and then transpose his feelings onto someone else so easily?! That's what I'm trying to understand.

 

You had a very short affair with him. Just a few months. That isn't long enough to develop real genuine feelings for someone. It's isn't long enough to bond and experience real love. I think what he felt for you was lust and infatuation. Those aren't very deep feelings and they're easy to move on from. His feelings for his new squeeze probably aren't very deep either.

[Matahari007]

Oh Sweety! You don't think that this new woman he's seeing will be treated much the same way he treated you? She's just another casualty. He tells you ALL what he thinks you want to hear and sweet talks you. Tells you how he loves you, can't live life without you, but here he is in someone elses bed. Its so easy for him because there is no love in all this. Its all lust!

Stop making a fool out of yourself by calling and picking him up to clear the air. There is nothing to clear. His actions are saying everything you need to know.