Am I fit to be a father if I'm a racist?

[Toodaloo]

Do you know what Rebbie.

 

I have been reading your posts and I think you are going to be a great Dad.

 

You have your problems and your sorting them out. Thats far better than leaving it to fester and eat you up. That shows strength.

 

Keep going and keep trying to be the person that you want to be. I suspect that man is a great one.

[turnera]

I have trouble talking to people about my mother without getting worked up or terribly depressed in the process, so I agree, perhaps it would be best to discuss that as little as possible with him.

Better yet to go back to therapy, if you still get worked up and depressed. You have a LOT of repressed feelings you need to work through. It will take a lot of sessions, so be prepared. Changing your thought processes is very slow work. But you will end up happier, healthier, and more positive afterward. Worth it, right?

 

 

And I have another suggestion. You seem very thoughtful, so I would suggest adding broadening your horizon through learning more about the world, people, history. Read, watch National Geographic, listen to NPR to hear about other parts of the world. I say this because, if you read up about history, you'll see that prejudices have been around as long as people have been walking on two legs. It's part of our psychology to (1) compare ourselves against others and (2) find something in which to 'fit.' Both of which lead to racism.

 

 

But if you step back and see that it's just part of all of us, it might help you to see that what you're feeling, combined with your tragedy, is completely normal but doesn't have to define you. That will help you let go of this feeling that you're a racist, and start to look at every person on their own, not as past of a race.

[melissacus]

Psychologically and biologically, I think it's quite normal if someone has a traumatic experience with a certain type of person, group, etc, to develop a kind of wariness towards them as a way to protect yourself against them. This is a defense mechanism to sustain survival (at the most basic animal instinct aspect). However, we as humans have evolved and can separate ourselves from our basic instincts; especially if they aren't rational.

 

With your post, I think you've really demonstrated your self-awareness and reflection. As long as you have these two things, you can overcome any emotional or mental blockade. Your son needs you and your wisdom and will end up being better because of your experience of racism because you are overcoming it and learning from it (even if you can't see it yet, everybody else here can). In the future if your son ever comes to a circumstance involving the temptation to hold resentment toward a specific sex, ,race, group of people, you'll be able to share your personal wisdom with him and he'll grow as a person; as you are now.

 

You and your son are going to do wonderfully!