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[lost_1 via Tony]

To enable others to respond to the above post without going blind or getting a migraine headache, the above post is hereby reprinted below with paragraphs:

 

i am writing to see, who could come up with some really good advise... i know it has been some poor desisions that got me to where I am today...Let me start of, from the 17 year old I use to be, i met a man,he was and still is 4 years my senior, we went out and first date had sex, alcohol was involved..then i left for the army about two months later, after basic, returned home and went to my senior year in HS..

 

We continued to see each other, partied together, I lived in a different town, soon I moved to his town, and lived by myself, then he moved in, and so did my girlfriend, still made it to school, and managed to graduate, was head over heels for this man..

 

Then left to AIT, and had a blast, fun, fun..Met someone there, but we parted,and so did he, don't know how serious he got..So then I came home to go to college, wasn't planning on us being together, but guess, who calls, then comes over.. It was ok,he and I just hugged.. From there things went ok, then I wasn't in the state of mind that I should have been, i was thinking it'll never happen to me, then there I was 18 and pregnant...

 

Tough having to grow up, really grow up in nine months, emotionally, I think I was and still am depressed, but wait it gets crazier.. If you could call it that. He did what he wanted, no one, including me wasnt' gonna tell him what he could or couldn't do, I wasn't his wife or his mom.. He had his good points, but at that time, emotional roller coaster I was on, THiking what did I do, why doessn't he want to be at home wiht me, instead of his bars and friends..

 

Well then then Our beautiful son came into the world, we moved in togetherr again, he worked, I went to school,still feeling depressed, needed to get out, so what did I do, go to the recruiters office, and got married, then took my family to the army life...Sucked, I really liked it as a single person, not a married, mother, too time consuming, so we got pregnant, not as a way out, which it eventually came, I got out when I was 8 months pregnant, came home, and after our babie # 2 a beauty of a girl was born, he left for the army...

 

I got depressed again, did have family, adn friends,but it was tough doing the single parent thing, he came home for new years eve, and we went out, that was after not seeing each other for like 7 months, and he sort of,well ditched me at the bar to visit all his old friends, I had other friends there too and had fun as much as I could, then we found each other after the count down, after closing time, then headed to my parents house, where the babies were and argued cause he wanted to head to a house party...

 

Well he left,and then the next day he was set to leave for some more training, no time to argue or release my feelings...So then he gets orders for Korea, Nothing we could do..Hardship tour.. So he's back again,and tried and were good to each other..He leaves and I travel and get a summer job, one in which I take my babies along with, working with kids, really great, then off to school in the fall...Make it to school then my little 12 year old brother dies in a car accident..

 

Go back to school, get involved in everything under the sun, to make the pain diminish..Tried the going out thing, met an old fling, partied adn had sex... Then school, babies, house work, and still kept in touch, by email...Then joined basketball, and by christmas break another man was interested, I thought it would be fine, maybe we weren't meant to be..my husband and I.. this other man and I shared a lot of things in common, and he even came to my house, when my children were home, he was a baskteball player too..

 

Well things got intimate, and there was no alcohol involved...Then x-mas break, and my aunt dies, head home, and then back to my campus, and it is new years eve, sitting at home,and friend come and get me to go out...Met with the player, and get intimate again, then I know, I am pregnant, this isn't supose to happen...In the mean time, I haven't told the husband that I love him, cause my feelings were all mangled..

 

I did but I didn't or couldn't for what was happening, told the player and he wanted me to have an abortion, which I did.Thank god, he went out with one of my so called friends. I figured, i couldn't let a little person suffer because of my poor desicion,by then I told my husband I cheated, but didn't fill him in on the extent..

 

He was angry and called me every name in the book, over the email, well things got better with our situation,just by communicating..But some people on campus know about the abortion, after all we were both star athelets..gonna leave school, and move with the husband when he comes back to the states, in three days..

 

Am I wrong, Or still in a love that won't let go?Or am i fooling myself...I love my babies..what to do???