Divorce is Coming Part 3

[Mr. Goodguy]

Well I have really got a lot of information from Deg20's "Unreal Situation" and I feel for you my friend but see that you are going to be much better from the information that you have received on this site.

Well to update I will be serving my wife divorce papers this week. I have still let he come by the house to fix the boys dinner even though I had to tell her again that she can not bring any of this guys craziness to our door step and around the boys. I am coming to the conclusion that my wife as I knew her is dead because this 25 year old guy seems to have a strong hold over her. Its trying at times because she calls me on Monday morning saying that she just wanted to hear my voice and then sends me the following email the next day:

 

I know you think I don't care about you anymore ... I just want you to know that for most of my life you were my world you were my best friend. I am still so sorry for everything I've done and how I handled it. I know I can't ever repair or mend what I have done. I pray every single day that you are starting to heal and that you will some day soon get past this and find true happiness. I know you're still angry and hurt and are searching for answer... of which I can't give... Just know that because of you I am part of who I am you supported me and help make me strong you comforted me and loved me. I know all this and will carry it with me forever and I am very thankful for it

 

I know you think I've turned into some person you don't know... I think this is who I truly am I kept so much stuff buried not wanting to hurt anyone or offend anyone I wanted everyone to be happy that I made myself miserable .... I've always pleased everyone .... I've always taken care of everyone ... I hate that it is at the expense of you ... I am happy now I am working on becoming stronger but it's in a manor you've never seen which seems mean and callus ... I know that my happiness was always your concern I guess in someways because I didn't open my mouth what you see now you think this isn't me... I know you think I have other influences pushing and guiding me but they have just helped open my eyes to ME nothing else...

 

I don't know if any of this will help or hinder what you are going through... I am not trying to hurt you anymore I never wanted to hurt you

 

Just wanted you to know

 

She knows that I could never take her back and now my focus is to make sure sure that the boys are safe healthy and happy. I have it in the paperwork that she is to only see them at the house and not around this guy because he does have a record.

The hardest thing is to try not to think about the person that my wife was and look at teh true person and become cold so that I can move on. Its right certain days are better then others. I want to reinvent myself from this and become better then I ever have been for myself and my sons. I guess I just need to find someone hotter taller and younger then her and that should fix it right? Just kidding guys I know I need to take some time to get myself back on track so I can be better for the next one.

 

Thanks again for listening this site is a true Godsend.

[LifeNomad]

Hi Mr goodguy this will soon all pass and the hurt will also stop or slow down at least, everyone here has different opinions, when I came searching for answers I read all sorts of things such as "wait 1 month per each year" before you try finding someone, I guess everyones opinion on how much time you should take to "mourn" is different.

 

 

For me, I had 13 yrs with a girl and it only took me about 5 months to find someone I was compatible with and made me happy, she was younger too. At first I felt weird, guilty, that I was happy, that I found someone, but we still together and such and what the hell I let her move in. I also got flamed on another thread for doing it so quickly but I can honestly say im happier than I was before and it is YOUR personal happiness what matters. Now that im out of the dust I can look back and reflect and see that what happened to me was a good thing, im glad my ex left me, because I wouldn't have been able to do it.

 

 

Good luck! embrace your new life man, workout!! that's the best thing you can do, start an exercise plan and change your eating habits a bit and stick to it. do it with your sons!

[GoBlue]

I am sorry Mr. Goodguy for what you have had to endure. I too experienced a divorce a few years back and my ex-wife is nothing like the person she was when we met. A whole lot of people in this world think that the key to happiness is "out there" somewhere. Some even think that just because they have some kind of impulse that they haven't ever acted upon or they have kept hidden and "pushed down" for years, that the "denial" of these "feelings" is the real reason they aren't happy. So, they act on this impulse, make drastic life changes, and actually feel a sense of "relief" because they think this is "really who they are." Here's the rub though, regret is going to show up sooner or later. This 25 y/o guy is not going to be the key to her happiness and when that becomes blatantly obvious she will either move on to another guy or she will acknowledge what a horrible mistake she has made. This will, of course, be too late to undo the hurt that she has caused.

 

This may not be a comfort to you but this is the reality of the human condition. I know this to be true because it was my "reality" for a long time. Now I have come back to my spiritual foundation and put Christ back at the center of my life. He alone gives absolute clarity to all that I have gone through. I just want you to know that I care and have lifted you up in prayer. May better days await you in the near future. Blessings!

[DivorcedDad123]

The amount of "I's" in her message is staggering. Even now it's all about her,veiled in a feable attempt to make it appear that she's thinking of your feelings.

Dear God you'll be much happier without her.In time.

[PegNosePete]

she calls me on Monday morning saying that she just wanted to hear my voice and then sends me the following email the next day:

I hope you hung up the phone as soon as she said that, there's really no response to that kind of shiznit. And just delete the pointless email, she's using you as an emotional tampon.

 

I would also end her coming round to the house to play happy families. That could have implications on the asset split in the divorce. It's certainly worth asking your lawyer about it.

[2.50 a gallon]

A couple of questions. She was 18 when you married, and that was 22 years ago, so she is a 40 year old, living with a 25 year old?

Whose paying their bills, I'll bet her?

What ever? It will not last!

Gird yourself, something tells me someday she will be knocking on your door wanting a do over. Especially if she should see you out and about with another woman. My Ex also suggested I get back into dating.

Then one day she came over to supposedly spend time with our cats, actually it was to once again rub salt in the wound and tell me how much better the OM was. When she went to throw her soda pop can in the garbage she noticed an empty champagne bottle, and knowing me, did a beeline to our bedroom, and it was quite evident that I had not slept alone. Her new life immediately crumbled, it was heart breaking to watch her wail in pain, knowing that she had lost me for good. Begging, Begging, for a second chance.

As for your boys, how are they taking this change in events?

Your wife may have opened a can of worms she can never fix. Quite often, once the children reach adult hood, they will turn on the parent who broke up their family. Sometimes there is no forgiveness.

My Ex BIL and I were close friends, from the 6th grade on. We even ended up working together for over a decade. After I married and moved out of state, he cheated on my sister, divorced her and remarried the OW.

My two nieces never forgave him. He and his new wife ended up buying a small ranchette with horse privileges, and bought a horse for the grandkids to ride. It never happened

The oldest daughter married and had two kids, he saw them at the hospital and later at the Christening.

The youngest daughter went to school, started a career and married late. It was her Christian husband that wanted her to invited him to the wedding. At the wedding, I had to introduce him to his two grand children. They were already in their teens. He had been a three star letterman in high school. He did not know that his grand son was also a three year man. He never got to see him play a football game.

The wedding was 5 years ago, and he has not seen his grand children since.

The same thing with my oldest niece, she caught him cheating, divorced, and neither of his kids want anything to do with him.

Edited April 16, 2015 by 2.50 a gallon

[Mr. Goodguy]

Everyone thank you again for all your words insight and prayer you really make this think a lot easier with pinpoint clarity and answers.

And 2.50 Gallon we started dating when she was 18. She is 43 and we were married for 22.

[2.50 a gallon]

At her age, she is a likely candidate for this being a MLC. Bad timing on her part.

As for you getting a taller GF, I can't say, unless you STBXW is a shorty. As for the next being younger, that is almost certain. After the break up of my marriage, my sex life took off again. I was 35, and I found a lot of 30 some things on the prowl for a fun time and a good man. A lot of them were divorced, and had the same story as mine to tell.

It was then when I came to the realization, that goodguys are not all that common.

Take for example my current lady. Out of my league in the looks department, at age 60 plus, and grand mother to a 20 year old, she still has an hour glass figure, and a flat stomach. With them long legs of hers, she is total eye candy. She married a military man while still in high school. A few years down the road, after a couple of kids he turned into a very abusive alcoholic. Accusing her of all kinds of nasty things, even so far as claiming their son was not his. She is great looking today, and I have seen photos of her when she was younger. Wow.

And she is the most loving, sharing, giving person I have ever met. And once she attached her self to me, nobody, and I mean nobody else need apply. We have now been together for coming up on 20 years.

As for my Ex, we have been divorced for about 3 decades. A few years back, I Googled her name and found a photo. The years have not been kind to her. She is easily pushing 200 pounds, think along the lines, of Harry Potters aunt, the one with the dog, he inflates into a balloon.

While I live out my retirement, with a long legged long haired beauty, that is still eye candy.

Though I did not think so at the time, Divorce, is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Your time will come, I am sure of it.

Edited April 17, 2015 by 2.50 a gallon

[Mr. Goodguy]

2.50 Gallon Thank you again and congrats. I know it may be while for me but I am slowly getting hope.