Author Tree lover Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 He does individual a few times a week. I don't know a lot about it. I know he doesn't like to go... He was in al-anon too but I think he stopped going. I know he was drinking on Christmas eve, I could see it on his face. I can't really explain, but I knew. My boy hasn't been feeling too good the last few days and I think that adds to me missing him. It hurts to watch our baby go through this. I know he'll be fine but it makes me sad too. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Ok. So he's already stopped AA, won't be long before he stops the therapy, then. Because HE isn't the problem (in his mind). He's got charges against him, right? Which means he's only attending the therapy so he looks good when he faces the judge. He hasn't changed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 I agree. I have every charge I could bring against him. Some did get dismissed though. I have scars from it, I can't forget it. I can't forget my scared little baby, and that I didn't protect him from this man. It makes me feel like I don't deserve him sometimes... That's why even if I wanted to go back I couldn't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 That's why I always tell people in situations like yours to just wait it out. The abuser will always look good and contrite at first...but they can't keep it up, because that would require REAL change. And abusers don't WANT to change. So they may START counseling, but they almost never FINISH it. So if you just sit back and wait, they'll show their true colors. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 Our last meeting he told me he's in love with me. I told him it's too late for that. He lost me the last time. He could've done more and made me feel like I was his instead of just a bed mate. He could've introduced me as his girlfriend and not told me I wasn't his girlfriend. I mean come on dude! He must think I'm stupid. I honestly wonder how much of what he says to me is him thinking I'm not going to see through him. I will not put my child in that situation and the faster he gets that the better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 It doesn't matter what he tells you. He's an abuser and a liar. That's all you need to know. He tells you that crap because he knows what you want to hear. If you would start viewing him like you would a serial killer, that might get you on the road to no longer be swayed or confused by anything else he says. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Our last meeting he told me he's in love with me. I told him it's too late for that. He lost me the last time. He could've done more and made me feel like I was his instead of just a bed mate. He could've introduced me as his girlfriend and not told me I wasn't his girlfriend. I mean come on dude! He must think I'm stupid. I honestly wonder how much of what he says to me is him thinking I'm not going to see through him. I will not put my child in that situation and the faster he gets that the better. It's been a very long time. Plus the incidents in between. He needs to stop trying to pull you closer. I think that he will cause a great deal of harm if you let him in even an inch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 About two weeks ago my son's uncle had a weird feeling and went to his father's house. When he got there he found him in the garage with the car on. He'd taken a bottle of pills and drank a lot of alcohol too and was still alive. He had a note in his hand to me. he was taken to the ER just in time. His lawyer got ahold of me and I went to see him. It was difficult seeing the handsome, intelligent, strong, father of my child like that. His brother found him just in time. He has weird chemical burns on his lips and it my heart hurt. That being said, I don't feel guilty and I feel like I'm expected to by his brother at least. I'm sad he felt that hopeless, but I don't feel like its my fault. He's still in the hospital and I'm not sure when he'll get to go home. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 It's his family that should be taking care of him. Care as much as you can as him being the father of your child, but it's not your place any more. Through his actions. Sounds like he wasn't really getting the help he said he was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted April 27, 2016 Author Share Posted April 27, 2016 After he got released from the hospital he asked to stop the visits for awhile. He said seeing us was too painful and it made him want to die every time the visit was over. So, I agreed. It was strange because I felt resentful for not wanting to see our son. We just started them again today, and it was difficult. He is staying with his parents for awhile and he was telling me that his mom was saying she wasn't surprised I ran away. She said she knew I was too good for him. I have mixed feelings about it. Then he told me he doesn't like our son's first name. I told him it was just too bad. A lot lot of people say it's a good name, and I like it. Then he said he could not believe all the things I robbed him of. Getting to name his child, see him be born, other milestones. I told him it was pay back for robbing me of my safety. Then he bawled the rest of the time. Which made me feel worse. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Then he told me he doesn't like our son's first name. I told him it was just too bad. A lot lot of people say it's a good name, and I like it. Then he said he could not believe all the things I robbed him of. Getting to name his child, see him be born, other milestones. I told him it was pay back for robbing me of my safety. Then he bawled the rest of the time. Which made me feel worse. Oh sweetie, you're too soft for your own good. If he's giving himself a pity party and crying about the past, give him the stink eye and tell him he brought this on himself and he should grow up. Don't feel bad about his tears - just view him as the pathetic piece of work that he is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 After he got released from the hospital he asked to stop the visits for awhile. He said seeing us was too painful and it made him want to die every time the visit was over. So, I agreed. It was strange because I felt resentful for not wanting to see our son. We just started them again today, and it was difficult. He is staying with his parents for awhile and he was telling me that his mom was saying she wasn't surprised I ran away. She said she knew I was too good for him. I have mixed feelings about it. Then he told me he doesn't like our son's first name. I told him it was just too bad. A lot lot of people say it's a good name, and I like it. Then he said he could not believe all the things I robbed him of. Getting to name his child, see him be born, other milestones. I told him it was pay back for robbing me of my safety. Then he bawled the rest of the time. Which made me feel worse. He's still VERY unstable. Remain vigilant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted April 27, 2016 Author Share Posted April 27, 2016 Oh I know he's crazy, and my sweet baby will not be harmed because he's upset. I can feel sympathetic without falling for it. I feel bad he is staying at his parents and can only see his puppy when his brother brings it over. That was another thing he kept saying, because of me our son hasnt met "their dog" I feel bad his mom is pretty much calling him a loser, but he brought it on himself. I find it interesting when he changes ownership of things that are his to include my baby or me. He must think I'm dumb. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 Abusers always have to be the 'victim' in their minds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted May 21, 2016 Author Share Posted May 21, 2016 My baby turned a year old on the 10th. He's his dad's mini-me. He got to see him on his birthday and he kept saying I was "stealing his chance to be a father." I haven't stolen anything from him. if anything he stole my sense of security, my opportunities, my friends, and my peace of mind! He then said that I wouldn't be able to keep him away forever. I'm considering reporting it as a threat. It sent chills down my spine. I have nightmares about him finding us all the time. I don't think he would hurt our baby, but I worry he'll kill me. I'm still living in the basement at my parents house, but I wanted to rent the house next door just to have our own space. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 Set up an account with the police and report every single comment he makes to you. You NEED to build a case against him, just in case. If nothing happens, nothing happens. But if something happens, you've put down the proof of what he's threatened. btw, he's following the abuser script to a T. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted June 20, 2016 Author Share Posted June 20, 2016 I found out that the baby is a little hard of hearing on one side. We don't know if it's genetic or acquired, but we are going to try and figure it out. I told his father and his response was "well what did you do to him?" I laid into him because if anything happened it was after he attacked me. Those were probably the loudest sounds he's been exposed to and his doctor knows that. He shut right up. I told him I'll give him more information as it becomes available. Right now we just don't know. I'm going to enroll in some classes for ASL just in case it gets worse. I would hate to not be able to communicate with my little snuggle buddy. This has been so difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted August 19, 2016 Author Share Posted August 19, 2016 Our last meeting was going normally until he pulled out a ring. His parents were there and his mother called him pathetic… I grabbed the baby and my keys and walked out. He was screaming he has changed and he's so sorry and he would do anything. I just sobbed when I got home. I want to get married, I want more babies, but he's so mean. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 So what's he been doing the last X months to become a better person? Does he go to anger management, therapy, anything else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted August 19, 2016 Author Share Posted August 19, 2016 So what's he been doing the last X months to become a better person? Does he go to anger management, therapy, anything else? To the best of my knowledge he is in therapy. He has to go a few times a week. He also is sober since his suicide attempt. That's what I've been told, but I've been lied to before. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 So what do you mean when you say he's mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted August 19, 2016 Author Share Posted August 19, 2016 So what do you mean when you say he's mean? He's stalked me, he called me horrible things, and he's beaten me. That's what I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 Oh, ok. I agree. I thought you meant pulling out the ring. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted August 20, 2016 Author Share Posted August 20, 2016 Oh, ok. I agree. I thought you meant pulling out the ring. No, the ring was just sad. I feel bad that he is still struggling with all of this. I wish he could get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted August 22, 2016 Author Share Posted August 22, 2016 Today I got a call that he doesn't want the visit this week. He wanted me to know he saw the man I was with before him who started talking about me and how we were still going out while I was with him. That's true, I told him. He followed us on a date. I didn't sleep with the other man, but we kissed. Apparently he told my son's father that he let the best girl in the world slip passed him and I'm just this great catch. I don't think I am personally... my son's father wanted to attack him and doesn't want that on his mind around the baby. He said he still can't handle that he wasn't good enough for me. He was though, I wanted him. I felt odd he felt the need to tell me that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts