Wondering why my ex contacts me if/when he is doing well and happy...

[lazysusan]

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up several years ago and occasionally kept in touch by random texts and emails. We dated briefly, and had rocky on-and-off contacts (sometimes loving and sometimes volatile) for a few years. This past winter he moved away to another town with his girlfriend. A few days ago, I got a short email from him with his new contact info. We exchanged short "hoping you're well" emails.

 

We both live with our respective partners - he with his girlfriend, and I with my boyfriend. I love my current boyfriend and have no intention of cheating on him, but my ex crosses my mind often. I also wonder why my ex continues to contact me out of the blue. Is it because 1) he just wants to let me know that he is happy and well, and wishes the same for me, or 2) he is not happy (though he doesn't always say it), or 3) he genuinely cares about people who cross paths with him and wants to keep in touch for whatever reasons (be it networking, friendship, etc.)?

 

Deep inside, I realize I still want him to care about me and miss me, though I don't see a future between us, and am afraid that he might just want to be friends. And when I find myself questioning these, I wonder if I truly love my current boyfriend.

[jen1447]

It's possible for people to love more than one person. I do.

 

As to reasons why, based on the limited account you gave there's no reason to think it's anything but a genuine desire for friendship and concern for your well-being. Sounds like a good guy.

[preraph]

I keep up with people, and it's mainly because I always want to know how they're doing because I once loved them. I care about what happens to them.

[BikerAccnt]

I keep in contact with one of my old exes, have for over 10 years. We shared a lot together and though ultimately things didn't work out, the relationship didn't end with us hating one another. Rather it fizzled into friendship, and there it remains to this day.

 

He may just have genuine interest in you. Its funny, but it happens. I have no interest in my Ex in a romantic way at all. But I care very much what happens to her, much like I do with my family.

[lazysusan]

Thanks for the feedback.

[PegNosePete]

Who cares why he does what he does?

 

Delete, block. Problem solved.

[Toodaloo]

Who cares why he does what he does?

 

Delete, block. Problem solved.

 

If your friends now why wouldn't you want to hear his good news?

 

The exes I am friends with I am always really pleased to hear when things are going well for them... just like I am with any of my other friends...

 

If its causing you stress just don't reply and let it fizzle out. You both have new lives and don't need to keep in contact so why distress yourself?

 

There is nothing going on here he is just treating you as a friend. Friends are normally happy when the other is happy..

[Toodaloo]

Just as an aside...

 

When I was really ill and at deaths door. Do you know how many people knew?

 

I will list them

My Parents

My Partner at the time

My brother and sister in law

2 close friends (one by default as they are a couple)

1 other close childhood friend

My GP

My doctors and nurses in hospital

My work place.

 

That was it. So thats a total of 8 people "close" to me that even knew I was in hospital and when. Of those 8 only 2 actually know what was wrong.

 

Good people spread good news. Gossips spread bad.

[HumptyDumpty]

Ouch, that's ugly! You want him to miss you? Sorry, I doubt that's love, guess it's more like the ego talking! It sure is flattering to keep getting messages from an ex who "thinks" about you!

That's where it's dangerous! Nothing against being friendly and a random contact every 10 years or so! Or a true friendship where both sides are clean about it. But mostly it's an ego thing, there's still hurt from the past and the boost you get just knowing someone might have feelings still.

In your case, delete. It's doing no good. He's in a relationship. You are in a relationship. If those relationships are going good or bad, it doesn't matter. You're throwing yourself back. Don't overthink his message, it was surely just a message sent out to all of his contacts, and you happened to be one of those hundred people.

 

As for me personally, I wouldn't respond and delete. It'd be a bait to see if I'll still bite, if I'm still hung up on him, how flattering to know you're still a sexy beast! It'd be boredom also.

No thanks, that's what spam folders/e-mail blocking options are for!