Lucky Dog Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 I’m not sure how or where to post this, but it’s something I’ve been mulling over the last few years If I am not attracted to my wife anymore, and sometimes don’t even feel ‘in-love’ with her anymore, but there is no real reason to divorce (I think most long-term marriages might be in a similar situation) and I am definately not naïve enough to think I would walk out of my marriage and find the woman of my dreams, my question is: Do you think if I had an affair (even a fling, or an erotic massage, or something (anything!) sexually spicy to get my heart pumping and let me know I am still alive and that it hasn’t withered and shrivelled up and is going to fall off soon) would I be able to come back to my wife with a renewed zest for life and our marriage, or would I just want more of the same and turn away from her. In other words, can I eat just one potato chip? Ps. Its not like we never have sex, but when we do she just lies on her side (and sometimes even falls asleep) despite every effort of mine to help her get excited and enjoy it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Why would you want to trade on your integrity? Why sell out your beliefs for some random sex? At the end of the day....you still have to live in your own skin. Confront your wife with this. What do you have to lose that isn't lost already? Tell her EVERYTHING that you've said here. She'll probably go off like an atomic bomb....but at least there would be some excitement in your life, right? And you would no longer be living alone with this burden. It's not fair to her to withhold the opportunity to address the problem. What? ....are you going to blind-side her with this later on....AFTER you've met someone else? You know, there are alot of people that go out for casual sex and end up getting emotionally involved. Honesty is the best policy here. Is it hurtful? Yes. Will it be messy? Yes. But it's also the only FAIR thing to do. She deserves a chance to work on her marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 It wouldn't make you feel more in love with your wife. I disagree that you can't find the woman of your dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Long term relationships suck. But then, being alone sucks even more. Be careful not to trade your marriage for a pataoe chip. I know you probably think that you can cover your tracks. All I say is "Life has a funny sense of humour". I also think you want to chose the easiest and more entertaining way: sleep around and blame it on your wife. Confront her and make her get intouch with you. When's the last time you took her out, bought her a rose and a sexy lingery with it? Women need this type of stuff to get in the mood. The horny, always-ready-for-sex, inventive females exist only a. on porn tapes and b. on men's imagination. Real women are far more complicated than that. Link to post Share on other sites
fanou22 Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Technically, you can. But have you thought what will happen when you want more than one potato chip? What if you fall in love with the woman you are having an affair with? What if the other person does not tell you they have an STD? What if your wife finds out? Would it all be worth it then? Affairs are very addictive. They are very easy to start and very hard to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Ps. Its not like we never have sex, but when we do she just lies on her side (and sometimes even falls asleep) despite every effort of mine to help her get excited and enjoy it ummmm, does your wife have health or emotional issues, where effects of medication leads to a lack of sexual desire? Look into that first before thinking of going outside the marriage. sure that bag of chips looks nice, but they're still greasy and bad for you! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Good to know we were talking to ourselves. Lucky Dog is barking at some girls now (or his wife). Link to post Share on other sites
only1life Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 No excitement in your marriage anymore? Who's fault is that? How about both of yours! It sure doesn't sound like she's too thrilled to be around you! Have you told her how you feel? Have you thought about how she feels? Do things to bring the fun back to your marriage! There's lots of great activities out there, take the extra step to find them, both of you will appreciate it. And then, if you can't make the marriage worthwhile, then talk to her about getting out! She may react in such a way that things get better, or she may tell you to go. Either way, you're out of the lousy life you're in right now! But do everyone a favor, spare at least three people the pain of an affair - don't get involved with someone else, until you and the wife are totally and permanently apart. Think about it, and think about the other people's feelings as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Do Not dip your chip in others dip as you never know who else may have had thier chip in the dip and possibly broke off the end... *This concludes how deep Merin can be today* Don't have an affair... My guess it won't make you any more attracted to your wife or make those feelings of love rush back in there... Either fix this with your Wife or consider divorce... (not that I think divorce is or needs to be the answer) but for real I know an affair isn't going to solve your problems, it will only compound them. Link to post Share on other sites
SixthSt.Girl Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 It's good that you came here first - that means you do value your marriage and have some guilt. But, your feelings are totally natural. I doubt that getting counseling or talking to your wife is going to make you have this major attraction to her all of a sudden. Sex is a big part of marriage, and if it's not there, you should consider divorce. Some couples ARE ok without sex, but it takes two - if one party is not happy, then it's not a happy union. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 despite every effort of mine to help her get excited and enjoy it. Oh yeah... What have you tried? Helping around the house more? Talking to her about the sexual issues? Taking her out on a nice date or on vacation? getting her flowers? Going to marital counselling? Complimenting her? Giving her other affection besides wanting sex? I doubt you've tried any of those things. I don't understand what people are thinking when they let their marriages slip through the cracks. this didn't happen overnight. You've probably seen it coming for years. And what did you do about it? It's also a myth that every minute of a long-term marriage is bliss. Marriages are work. And the work leads to more happiness in the future. I think people think as soon as they aren't estatically happy, then the marriage is over. Marraiges have an ebb and flow, you just have to learn to work on it in the hard times. Link to post Share on other sites
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