Infamus Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Since I started college back in January, me and this girl became friends fast, and I've developed feelings for her. We hang out all the time at school and we've hung out at her place, we just watch netflix nothing romantic or anything, we chat a lot on facebook too. She always mentions dates she goes on and guys she likes and it kinda bothers me because I've never been on a date before and I have a crush on her, I highly doubt she has any romantic feelings for me. So my question is should I cut off all contact abruptly before the friendship gets any further? I've thought about quitting school to fully get away and because of my own anxieties but she always wants me to stay in school when I mention to her that I`m thinking about quitting (she doesn`t know the real reason I want to leave) but I want to cut off all communication quickly (facebook, getting a new phone number etc) to spare the heartache and I feel like she probably wouldn't care if I did cut off contact anyways Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 I have an idea. Since you're pretty certain she's not interested, tell her you need a girlfriend. Like next time she talks about dating or anything close, say, "You know, I've been thinking I really need a girlfriend. Hearing about your dating is starting to get to me. Why don't you help me meet someone?" And see what her reaction is. But do throw in there it's starting to bother you a bit, but you can be vague why and she can take it either you're crushing or just it's frustrating because you have no dates. But either way, and no matter how she reacts, you have laid the groundwork for in case you feel it's hopeless and must go no contact with her. But at least give her this opening. She may ask what kind of girl you like, and then there's an opening to say something like "Someone like you, active, talkative," (throwing some attributes in there) and then that might even open the door to talk about whether she's got you firmly in the friendzone (probably) or not. Then if it's hopeless, you tell her you don't think you'll be able to get a girlfriend as long as you're hanging out with her and then cut it off and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Matahari007 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Life is taking chances and I definitely think you should ask her out on a date. If she's not interested & declines at least you can say you tried. You lose nothing and the worse she can say is no. After that if you feel you need to draw distance because of your feelings for her its up to you but you'll never know the outcome unless you give it a shot. You don't want to live in regret years later that you didn't take that chance. I wish you the best and remember remain confident. Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Life is taking chances and I definitely think you should ask her out on a date. If she's not interested & declines at least you can say you tried. I wouldn't end the friendship without telling her how you feel about her. If you already know you're not interested in being 'just friends', you don't have any pressure over messing up the 'friends' part. At worst, she spurns your interest and you both know why the friendship had to end. At best, the relationship moves to the next level. Link to post Share on other sites
Bohonia Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 First if you guys are such good friends communicate honestly with her. You are talking about transferring schools and cutting off all communication with someone. If you viewed her as a friend you would talk to her. One of two things is going to happen she feels the same way or she doesn't. If you talk to her and she doesn't you have the choice to move on and let her know you can't be just friends and if she would like more to let you know and then move on with your life. It sounds like you are a bit obsessed with her though. You can't control all aspects of everyones life and you need to really consider is keeping quiet and torturing yourself healthy (no) is completely uprooting your life and running from something simply because it didn't go the way you want healthy (no). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Infamus Posted April 17, 2015 Author Share Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) well, part of the reason I want to leave school has to with the fact I suffer from anxiety and the hectic pace of college life is kind of accelerating my anxiety. I definitely dont want to control everything. I'm just really shy about letting her know my true feelings Edited April 17, 2015 by Infamus Link to post Share on other sites
Bohonia Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 well, part of the reason I want to leave school has to with the fact I suffer from anxiety and the hectic pace of college life is kind of accelerating my anxiety. I definitely dont want to control everything. I'm just really shy about letting her know my true feelings When I was in college I had the same anxiety, I went to a doctor and he prescribed me med's to help long story short I was diagnosed with bi polar type 2. Honestly I have never been in a better place now than i have ever been. I can handle anything that comes my way now in a calm collected manor. I was ALWAYS worried about everything to the point i was having panic attacks. Before you place any more stress on yourself see what you can do as far as getting you in a good place and then move forward with the girl. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 If you're not already, you need to get into therapy and on meds to overcome your general anxiety because that will hold you back like nothing else will. Link to post Share on other sites
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