Why the negative outlook on being a "good boy"?

[E-Squared]

Okay, all of my life, I was raised to be a good person who makes good choices. I can say that I am a horrible liar in that I either feel bad/weird for lying. I can't bring myself to do bad things (Though I HAVE had thoughts in my head that are rather twisted).

 

That isn't to say that I haven't done bad things ever. I have stolen things before, but they were rather petty. I did get in trouble when I was in school, but most of that was because I had a lot of anger and took my anger out on people, or retaliated against bullies by attacking them.

 

For the most part, I try to make the right choices at all times. However, I still remember a girl telling me before "You are too much of a good boy for me." I remember how people had told me that I am "too nice" and other things. Although I will say that I went through a period of trying to prove that I am little tough or have more of an edge on me.

 

So why is there such a negative outlook for being a "good boy"?

[contact1]

There's a big difference between being a good "person" and a doormat. You can still be good and stand up for yourself, aka have a backbone. You start to wonder into the realm of being a doormat when you become afraid of hurting someone's feelings or making them upset for speaking up or saying no.

 

Many people know that I can be really good, but I won't take crap from anyone either and bust them on it. It's tough, but once you get it down, it makes life funner

[badpenny]

Okay, all of my life, I was raised to be a good person who makes good choices. I can say that I am a horrible liar in that I either feel bad/weird for lying.

 

So, the obvious solution would be to NOT lie.... but you still do, and feel 'bad/weird' about it? That's a self-inflicted issue, right...?

 

I can't bring myself to do bad things (Though I HAVE had thoughts in my head that are rather twisted).

 

This is more common than you think. Fortunaltely the vast majority of people do not act out their thoughts. As long as you're with the majority, just feel bad about the thoughts and try to transform them into Kindness....

 

That isn't to say that I haven't done bad things ever. I have stolen things before, but they were rather petty.

Don't trivialise your actions.

You say these things were 'petty', but they belonged to someone else, and you can't know how THEY felt about them, or having them stolen.

This isn't justifiable...

 

I did get in trouble when I was in school, but most of that was because I had a lot of anger and took my anger out on people, or retaliated against bullies by attacking them.

Again with the 'but this was because'.... Own it. You retaliated, and not only against bullies (understandable at school, at your ae) but you took out your anger on people, who may not have deserved it.

Own it, again... There's no excuse for deliberately hurting people with angry responses, when they are not the Source or fundamental reason for your inner anger.

 

For the most part, I try to make the right choices at all times. However, I still remember a girl telling me before "You are too much of a good boy for me." I remember how people had told me that I am "too nice" and other things. Although I will say that I went through a period of trying to prove that I am little tough or have more of an edge on me.

 

Never try to be who you are not.

It sounds from the above points that actually you may still have some issues, and not even too far under the surface, at that...

I think you're attmpting t project an image of yourself that is not entirely true to who you are....

 

So why is there such a negative outlook for being a "good boy"?

Don't permit the comment of one girl to cloud your mind, or prejudice you against being a good person.

It seems to me that with fear of rejection, you may be trying too hard, to be whom others expect you to be....

But I think from your post, you may have some unresolved problems to examine....

[Taramere]

Okay, all of my life, I was raised to be a good person who makes good choices. I can say that I am a horrible liar in that I either feel bad/weird for lying. I can't bring myself to do bad things (Though I HAVE had thoughts in my head that are rather twisted).

 

That isn't to say that I haven't done bad things ever. I have stolen things before, but they were rather petty. I did get in trouble when I was in school, but most of that was because I had a lot of anger and took my anger out on people, or retaliated against bullies by attacking them.

 

For the most part, I try to make the right choices at all times. However, I still remember a girl telling me before "You are too much of a good boy for me." I remember how people had told me that I am "too nice" and other things. Although I will say that I went through a period of trying to prove that I am little tough or have more of an edge on me.

 

So why is there such a negative outlook for being a "good boy"?

 

Well, it's hard to make much of an assessment based on a few comments other people have made to you. I honestly think that most people who are reasonably nice and easy to get along with will at some point be told that they're "too nice" by other people.

 

Perhaps those other people in turn would be criticised for being too abrasive. There are always going to be people who think you're too much of one thing and not enough of another. I know somebody who thinks I'm too nice because if people with evident social or mental health problems say hello to me in the street, I'll greet them back. On the other hand, she has been known to waste literally thousands of pounds on guys (presents, trips away etc) who were absolute arseholes to her. She was most definitely being "too nice" to them.

 

"Too nice" can be code for "weak". You're not a weak guy from what you're saying. You've stood up to people who bullied you. That takes strength and courage. If the people you are being nice to are people who are vulnerable, or who are just nice people themselves who you think deserve to get the same back, then in my view that's not "too nice". It might be perceived as "too nice" by people who take a ruthless approach to life...but you're as entitled to sit in judgement of those people and find them imperfect as they are to sit in judgement of you.

 

You're entitled to be yourself. If somebody else says "you're a little too nice for me" that might be their issue rather than yours. If you take every criticism a person makes of you as a sign that you need to change, then you'll forever be tying yourself up in knots. I think you just need to focus on having the confidence to be who you want to be, to respect yourself as that person - and to take other people's criticism with a pinch of salt.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Natural selection in the post industrial revolution era, nullifies the attraction to a nice guy by most women. Biologically most females are hardwired to seek out Alpha males (who are mostly "bad guys" to mate with & once pregnant, find a beta male (most are "good guys") to nest with. This was for survival of the human species. Pass on aggressive traits & ensure those genes survive by engaging in a form of cuckoldry.

 

 

Modern society has relived the bata male from his original caretaker role. A single mom can effectively raise children with the help of society or the state.

 

 

That is generalized a bit, but I think pretty close.

 

 

Of course beta males can still find love, but the numbers are not in their favor. Complicating things is that many women have evolving attraction to partners. What was once attractive, can become unattractive.

 

 

If you have the money & ethical flexibility, there's always mail order brides. If that was my plan, I'd find a Ukrainian girl.

[Hawaii51]

Good boy, but the wrong mommy issues.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Well it comes down to respect. If you always do what other people like or prefer, and always put them first, then you are not giving yourself the same equal right in things...therefore not the same respect.

 

You have to realize that you deserve a certain level of appreciation and respect as much as anyone else and you need to exercise those boundaries when around other people socially...if you are way too flexible and bend for everyone else, then you just put yourself on the bottom of the list of respect.

 

That's why jerks do well with women, they perceive this as confidence even though the guy is just selfish. She thinks if that guy appreciates her and gives her attention then she must be special. The more confidence and self-respect the guy has, maybe the more valuable he is...also keep in mind women have egos and also want the best guy they can get too.

 

A guy like you doesn't give a girl a challenge and therefore you don't add any excitement or flair to the dynamic...you can't just be "easy" and straight-forward, you've got to give yourself again that respect, those boundaries and have expectations of your own and she needs to feel that she meets those expectations.

 

Don't feel so insecure, scared and worried all the time about the consequences either...women don't tend to like pussy cats or men who lack confidence, you need to be a bit daring at times and able to lead the way. If she doesn't feel secure with you and thinks other guys will push you around, she's not going to respect you and she'll push you around too.

 

You have to adjust your attitude and boundaries for the real world, what mommy and daddy were raising you to be was a good boy, but that's not exactly practical and how the real world works socially and it won't teach you how to be a man. In the real world you have to compete with other men for respect and you also need to have that confidence to attract women within yourself...or nobody is going to treat you right.