slubberdegullion Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Mum says: I'm an attachment parent. I don't believe the child should cry. I rush to the child and follow her lead to provide comfort, security and sustenance; Dad says: I believe that the child must learn to rely on herself. Babies will cry. If they're hurt, tired, hungry, wet or messy, they need to be attended to. But the household is not to be held hostage the cries of a child. Mum says: The child sleeps with me because it is comforting to both her and I. Dad says: I understand that in the early years, the child relies heavily on her mother for comfort and sustenance. But the needs of the family as a whole, including the husband-wife bond, must not take second place to a child. Mum says: I rush to the child to provide comfort every time she makes a squeak. Dad says: The child needs to learn self-comfort. Whether it's finding her own silencer or covering herself in her blanket, she needs to learn - once she is capable, of course - to manage these little things on her own. Mum says: Parenting needs to be child-led. Dad says: Children have not yet developed that part in their brain that gives them reason and logic. Parents need to ensure that the child is not only safe and stimulated and fed, but also that they learn that they cannot always get their way, regardless of how much they cry. Mum says: When a child cries, something is wrong and it needs to be addressed. Dad says: When a child cries, and there's nothing wrong, then the child should be comforted for only a brief period. Mum says: Children should be rocked to sleep. Dad says: Children should be rocked to sleep until they are old enough - say, 6 months - to begin to comfort themselves. Mum says: Children should be nursed for up to two years. Dad says: Children should be nursed for no longer than six months to begin to train their gut to take something more than mother's milk. Mum says: The child always must come first. Dad says: The best present you can give to a child is a well-rested, well-adjusted set of parents. If that means the child is left to cry for 20 minutes, then so be it (assuming the caveats as spelled out above). Comments? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Mom is right in most of this, Dad is also right in most of this. I'm not going to go point to point. I'll only say that it's a good thing we have two parents. What you describe above sounds like a pretty decent set of parents. There are many parents out there who don't have the first clue about raising children. God gave us two parents so if one is terribly wrong, the other will notice quickly enough to save the child from disaster. It's not a perfect world and there are no perfect parents. Stop trying to be so analytical and do the very best job at whatever is at hand for you. If you see parents doing an extremely poor job or being abusive, call the Children's Social Services agency in your area and make a report. Otherwise, chill. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 There's also experts to refer to. Kids have been studied to bits by psychologists. Both sets of theories have had their proponents so if there's going to be a fight over which parenting method to go for, why not hunt down some expert information upon which to base your opinions? Sometimes things which seem logical (like 'people need to learn to self-comfort') turn out not to achieve the desired effects. It seems to me that I've read that more recent studies showed that kids who were picked up and tended to when they fussed grew up more secure than kids left to cry, but don't quote me on this. I know the information's out there to be had so get googling! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Originally posted by slubberdegullion Comments? Why are you asking? What are you looking for? Parenting styles vary, outside of obvious abuse or neglect, there are no firm right or wrong answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author slubberdegullion Posted April 18, 2005 Author Share Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by HokeyReligions Why are you asking? What are you looking for? Just stirring the pot a bit. Curious at to the opinions of others, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
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