"Married Men" on business travel

[mammasita]

I'm so disappointed in the number of men I've seen pass through my place of work who are married that conveniently forget that they have a wife back home while they are here.

 

Yeah I'm sure women do it too, but I've seen and experienced it first hand with men because they try ME.

 

It chips away at my faith in the institute of marriage and relationships

[carhill]

Well, using a phrase I read here on LS, ironically posted by a married woman regarding social interactions with other men, these guys are 'married but we're not dead'.

 

For many years, even while married, I never understood this but gained great understanding of it in the dance of maintaining and enhancing social power and attraction. People use moments to benefit themselves and, yup, for some people those moments include benefiting themselves from others. Then the moment is over and back to the committed partner moments. Life goes on.

[GoodOnPaper]

I think the sudden "freedom" from the usual wife/family routine stirs up some people's emotional issues and urges that we normally keep buried. I assume most of the guys you've encountered who do this are good with women. I'm at the other end of the spectrum and business travel always brings this internal pressure to try and make up for my lack of success when I was single -- it descends on me like a cloud. Not that I've ever had the guts to even attempt to flirt with anyone, let alone try to pick them up. It's highly annoying.

[PaperCrane]

I know a few fellows who when they travel wear a band on their finger just to attract some NSA action from women. It seems to actually work rather well for them.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Wouldn't take it so personal, you're simply there.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I just happened to watch "Fatal Attraction" last night while folding laundry. There was a scene where Glenn Close's character asked Michael Douglas why he got involved with her if he was otherwise happily married.

 

His answer; "The opportunity was there."

 

Who better to explore "opportunities" than travelling men (and women) on business?

 

[MissBee]

I'm so disappointed in the number of men I've seen pass through my place of work who are married that conveniently forget that they have a wife back home while they are here.

 

Yeah I'm sure women do it too, but I've seen and experienced it first hand with men because they try ME.

 

It chips away at my faith in the institute of marriage and relationships

 

It's horrible, but at the same time I would try to have perspective about it and think that for those who do, there are many who don't.

[preraph]

There's no doubt that many men will stray when they're away. It's the perfect opportunity for them. Less chance of their wife finding out. But now with social media, it's not quite as safe as it used to be. If I was married to a traveling man, I'd do Google Image Search on him periodically and see if he pops up anywhere he shouldn't and also do his name.

 

Personally, I don't know many women who would ever even consider doing that, but I did meet one someplace I worked. She was the HR who hired me and had other duties. We were on a business trip, just about everyone who worked there, having a learning seminar type thing and clients came and even competitors trying to learn our secrets (stupid of them to let them in). Anyway, my hotel room roommate was the HR girl. She was married and probably not even 30 yet. She expressed how happy she was to be out of town, like it was some huge relief to be away from her husband. I noticed she seemed really friendly with this one client and she stayed out real late and I went to bed fairly early. I woke up to the alarm in the morning and she was still passed out, but her panties were draped over the shower rod, and they were totally broken and torn apart! I had heard they were headed for the hot tub, so I guess they were in there real late....

Edited April 18, 2015 by preraph

[Donate]

Then their are those men who don't....why?

 

Could it be these men have wives that take care of business?

 

or

 

The men that don't have stronger convictions?

 

Perhaps a bit of both.

 

Either way, when a man [or woman] is starved of love, affection and/or sex at home they will fill in those gaps sooner or later. Who's to blame?

[Minnie09]

My company hires a few external marketing/management consultants, some of them are from out-of-state, and they basically live in a hotel or a condo during the week for four or five workdays and fly home every other or every weekend. Literally every single one of those guys has a girlfriend on the side. All of them are married. This means that every single one of those external out-of-state consultants lead a double life. And some of them have been doing this for years. The wives seem to have no clue. And I don't know how they pull it off. Fact.

[Gloria25]

I just happened to watch "Fatal Attraction" last night while folding laundry. There was a scene where Glenn Close's character asked Michael Douglas why he got involved with her if he was otherwise happily married.

 

His answer; "The opportunity was there."

 

Who better to explore "opportunities" than travelling men (and women) on business?

 

 

Then their are those men who don't....why?

 

Could it be these men have wives that take care of business?

 

or

 

The men that don't have stronger convictions?

 

Perhaps a bit of both.

 

Either way, when a man [or woman] is starved of love, affection and/or sex at home they will fill in those gaps sooner or later. Who's to blame?

 

While I agree with Michelle and "Alex" was a nutty chick, Michael Douglas' character's temporary wandering eye sorta took off cuz his wifey wasn't giving him any. I mean, the wife had no job and was a SAHW/M and wouldn't make time to have sex with him. Remember the beginning of the movie where he tried to "get some" a couple of times and got the blow off?

 

While Alex was nutty, I could see her frustration with dude putting his wifey on a pedestal - while wifey won't even bother to put that kid with a babysitter for one night and boink her husband.

[Gloria25]

There's no doubt that many men will stray when they're away. It's the perfect opportunity for them. Less chance of their wife finding out. But now with social media, it's not quite as safe as it used to be. If I was married to a traveling man, I'd do Google Image Search on him periodically and see if he pops up anywhere he shouldn't and also do his name.

 

Personally, I don't know many women who would ever even consider doing that, but I did meet one someplace I worked. She was the HR who hired me and had other duties. We were on a business trip, just about everyone who worked there, having a learning seminar type thing and clients came and even competitors trying to learn our secrets (stupid of them to let them in). Anyway, my hotel room roommate was the HR girl. She was married and probably not even 30 yet. She expressed how happy she was to be out of town, like it was some huge relief to be away from her husband. I noticed she seemed really friendly with this one client and she stayed out real late and I went to bed fairly early. I woke up to the alarm in the morning and she was still passed out, but her panties were draped over the shower rod, and they were totally broken and torn apart! I had heard they were headed for the hot tub, so I guess they were in there real late....

 

And I'm glad you brought that up...cuz I often wondered if women like in that George Clooney movie (where he was the guy who traveled and handled lay-offs for companies) - who got her groove on while on the road.

 

Then some women wanna label their husbands "insecure" when a woman wants to have a job/career soooo bad - especially when he provides more than enough for her and the family.

 

Travel or not, seems like "career-minded" women are very likely to cheat cuz shoot you combine them spending more than 8hrs a day with other guys and the possible independence and/or resentment they may have from making their own money and that equals "affairs".

[Gloria25]

My company hires a few external marketing/management consultants, some of them are from out-of-state, and they basically live in a hotel or a condo during the week for four or five workdays and fly home every other or every weekend. Literally every single one of those guys has a girlfriend on the side. All of them are married. This means that every single one of those external out-of-state consultants lead a double life. And some of them have been doing this for years. The wives seem to have no clue. And I don't know how they pull it off. Fact.

 

Yep,

 

On ID there was this guy who had another woman for like over 25 yrs...and she said she didn't know he was married cuz he said he traveled for work.

 

But seriously, at some point you gotta visit the state/country/whatever he lives I mean, red flags if you don't EVER go to his place.

[Minnie09]

Yep,

 

On ID there was this guy who had another woman for like over 25 yrs...and she said she didn't know he was married cuz he said he traveled for work.

 

But seriously, at some point you gotta visit the state/country/whatever he lives I mean, red flags if you don't EVER go to his place.

 

Well - they wear wedding rings, at least at work - and I don't think that they take them off when they go out to dinner. Or when they hit the bars. So I'm assuming that whoever the girlfriends are, they know what they're dealing with. It's just the wives that are left in the dark.

[Mrin]

I am one of those guys who spends and has spent at least 50% of my time traveling on business. In fact I am at a hotel right now. It is definitely a way of life.

 

Road romances are pretty common. When I was married I never strayed. But I've seen a lot of guys and gals stray. And a decent number with permission actually. That surprised me.

 

Now here is the craziest thing. A "stable" road romance can be often a really good thing for a road warrior and his family behind. What?!? You say. Well, often without that road romance the road warrior (male or female) starts living a pretty hard life. Late nights at bars. Lots of restaurant food. Medicating with drugs or booze to sleep. Depression. Being a workaholic. Isolation.

 

But toss in a stable thing on the side and the person starts to settle down. Go to bed earlier. Stop drinking all night. Even eating better. Not as lonely, not as depressed. And in turn is a much healthier and happy person when they go back Home. How do I know this? Well I have seen it. But I didn't put 2 and 2 together until one of my work buddies' wives explained it to me. She was explaining their "understanding". It kinda made sense.

 

All that being said - I know the dudes you speak of OP. Kind of a lecherous sort.

[Tayla]

In a skewed way its the mentality of people who say "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas". Seriously??! (sorry talking to myself on that part).

 

When I worked at a 5 star hotel, there were a few guest that were with the same company(employer) and married to others. They sincerely thought no one knew. (the vegas conundrum) .

 

Other Men and ladies who were married didn't misbehave, and often would come and chat about their family and sometimes even share family stories of their wife /husband or kids...it was lovely getting to know them. Some folks really do value family and marriage!

 

For every woeful tale , there are folks out there to re-affirm that values do exist.

[craw]

I actually fell in love with a man who was on a business trip and I happen to meet him, while I was travelling too.

 

As much as I have fantasized about being in a relationship with him, this thought always crossed my mind.

 

It's reassuring to hear that there are some men out there who do remain faithful.

 

I really do miss him.

[Robert Z]

I'm so disappointed in the number of men I've seen pass through my place of work who are married that conveniently forget that they have a wife back home while they are here.

 

Yeah I'm sure women do it too, but I've seen and experienced it first hand with men because they try ME.

 

It chips away at my faith in the institute of marriage and relationships

 

Maybe it's too much to ask a man to live his life alone in a hotel room.

 

 

That wouldn't occur to anyone though, would it.

Edited April 18, 2015 by Robert Z

[Robert Z]

If I was married to a traveling man, I'd do Google Image Search on him periodically and see if he pops up anywhere he shouldn't and also do his name.

 

 

With a loving, trusting woman at home, why would a man cheat?

[SolG]

I travel a lot for work; away about half the year on business. (Then I do some leisure travel on top of that.) Most of my business travel entails meeting up with other traveling colleagues for projects or the like; generally a diverse team thrown together for a particular task. Size of the team varies, as does composition dependant on the job at hand. I've seen a lot of things go on in my time. And we do very much have a culture of 'what happens away, stays away'.

 

There's one particular sector I've worked a lot with over the years. Think predominately male, highly alpha, highly successful, high status, high ego. Women seriously throw themselves at these guys. All. The. Time.

 

And I'd say in my observation most of them flirt at least a little and enjoy the attention; which is only natural. However, I'd also say that only about 40 per cent of them actually cheat when travelling. From what I've seen, about 30 per cent are repeat offenders where philandering is just part of what they do.

 

The other thing I'd say is that I've also seen many of these guys with their spouses. From what I can tell, there is no correlation or pattern. It could as equally be the guy with the stunning and obviously affectionate wife that's a serial cheater, as the guy with the not as traditionally thin and attractive wife that's cranky with three small children. Or vice versa :/

 

But I do think the takeaway is that even with highly tempting opportunity on tap, most of these guys don't cheat. I've even seen one of them turn down a beautiful young blonde, who then returned with two of her equally gorgeous girl friends to tempt him with a FFFM. He still turned her down

 

Not all people who travel for business cheat. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I believe that most don't.

[Robert Z]

Reportedly, about 36% of male travelers cheat, and I think it was about 15% for women.

 

 

No doubt this is highly dependent on what their home life is like. Even though I never cheated, my wife just took the money and ran. I was just a freaking milk cow for her play. So even though I didn't cheat, had I not stopped the excessive travel, I would have eventually...assuming it didn't kill me first, and it nearly did. Excessive travel - tight schedules, high pressure, too little sleep, bad food, no exercise - is in large part what destroyed my health. And I can't even begin to tell you the joy of going to sleep and waking up alone in a hotel room every day.

 

I once met a guy who hadn't been home for over five years. I asked what his wife thought about that. He said that as long as he keeps sending the checks home, she was happy.

Edited April 18, 2015 by Robert Z

[Michelle ma Belle]

My company hires a few external marketing/management consultants, some of them are from out-of-state, and they basically live in a hotel or a condo during the week for four or five workdays and fly home every other or every weekend. Literally every single one of those guys has a girlfriend on the side. All of them are married. This means that every single one of those external out-of-state consultants lead a double life. And some of them have been doing this for years. The wives seem to have no clue. And I don't know how they pull it off. Fact.

 

One of my best friends recently found out that her father lived a whole other life!

 

Her father was diagnosed with Alzheimer a couple of years ago. During his gradual decline it became very challenging for her mother to care for him and even dangerous as he would steal the keys to the car and then get lost in another city etc. My friend had to eventually step in and with a doctor's note, he was forced into retirement, his driver's license revoked, his banking privileges as well as other things.

 

When she started to investigate her father's bank accounts she saw that he had multiple "secret" accounts (her mother's name were not on them and she new nothing about them). When she pulled the records she saw that all three accounts had several thousands of dollars in them and a recurring withdrawal each and every month.

 

Through more investigations that included the help of a private investigator it was revealed that her father had not only lead a double life but three AND included several children! The bank records showed that he had been paying support for decades but in two cases, was STILL paying support meaning these children must be under 18!!

 

The real irony of this whole story? Her father is/was an ordained minister turned ecclesiastical consultant. He traveled all over North America consulting and working with churches on their capital campaigns.

 

You can imagine her shock.

 

My friend struggled with telling her mother but figured she had a right to know. It turned out that although her mother had no idea her husband had fathered several children with different women, she was aware of his affairs. She said it was an "unspoken understanding"...whatever that means.

 

As you can imagine my friend is still reeling from these revelations. She said she always looked up to her father and spent her life comparing every man she met to him. Everything she believed about her parents and everything she believed her father to be feels like an absolute sham and has rocked her world.

 

She said it was one thing to learn about indiscretions but it's a whole other thing to know she has half siblings running around out there in the world particularly those that are young enough to be HER children.

Edited April 18, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle

[Gold Pile]

Committed men spend their days fighting their natural, pre-wired drive to have sex with multiple women. Most caring men can fight their urges so as not to risk hurting the one they love. When traveling solo he often reasons that the risk of her finding out and getting hurt are nil. He can satisfy his natural programming and no harm will come of it. OK, harm can come from it but that's the thinking behind it.

[minimariah]

With a loving, trusting woman at home, why would a man cheat?

 

because he doesn't love her.

[carhill]

Committed men spend their days fighting their natural, pre-wired drive to have sex with multiple women. Most caring men can fight their urges so as not to risk hurting the one they love. When traveling solo he often reasons that the risk of her finding out and getting hurt are nil. He can satisfy his natural programming and no harm will come of it. OK, harm can come from it but that's the thinking behind it.

The personality characteristics which make a man a successful road warrior and philanderer also make him attractive to women. Yep, in general, women don't like the philanderer part, I get that, but it's the 'right stuff' that goes along with it that make the man attractive. Otherwise, why would any woman, wife or lover, love the man or lay down with him? He's socially powerful, attractive and charismatic, at least to those particular people.

 

Additionally, most road warriors/business people are adept at selling themselves, meaning convincing other people that their skills, their widget, their process is better than the competitors. They're the cream of the crop of social hackers, even if their goals aren't nefarious. They have the skills, the tools and the ability to read people and work them. This is attractive, for some so attractive that, in my generation when I was young, some guys had 'black books' with names, addresses and phone numbers of various ladies they would call on when on the road.

 

Are all guys who travel for business philanderers? Heck no. Dollars to donuts all have been tested at one time or another, though, whether by their own urges or the approaches of single and married women. I saw a lot of that, the latter, when I was married, so much so that I found it remarkable and came to call it 'the power of the ring'.